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How do you change yourself physically and emotionally?
What do you do when you wake up and realize that you never really got the help or attention you needed? I have no social skills, I’m afraid of talking to people, afraid of meeting people. Can’t talk to girls, can’t be around guys without feeling compromised. I feel emasculated cuz I’m constantly living in fear.
I also have a lot of guilt when I do leave my house (which is usually only for work and maybe for a drink once every 3-4 weeks) because my mother is currently battling cancer and my sister’s are spoiled little brats and refuse to help her. But I’m very lonely and a lot of my “friends” left me after my mom was diagnosed because I had very little time (she had undergone MANY surgeries in the first few months). My mom’s prognosis is very good, she will not succumb to this, however, she still needs help and I know that, but I’m also 24 and still afraid of my own shadow.
Other issues… this could go on… I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I’m bisexual, which is a kick in the nuts because I can’t talk to girls or guys. I’ve never had a relationship, and I’ve only been on one date that resulted in me sitting at a table being insulted by the other person. Kick in the nuts as far as confidence is concerned.
Last by not least… self image. I hate my body and I’d worked out a lot of the kinks in it previously. Got myself into shape, dressed nicer and yeah, nothing changed but I knew I looked better. I got sick in October, ended up on steroids and it just undid everything that I’d worked so hard for. Its disheartening.
Now, I’m alone, very depressed, no friends, a sick mother, looking ugly, and looking forward to nothing. Days go by and I just wait for something to happen that would just indicate a change in my luck. How do I deal with this? I’m worn out, I’m tired, and I’m hopeless. Where do I go from here?
This closed post was written 5 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 272, 5, 1 | Edit Post | Report Post
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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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tea ali
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