life help: man, life is starting to suck. - Help.com

it is hard to give sound advise with out knowing more about the both of you but it sounds like you have two choices.
1-you can pack up and leave or
2-maybe her lashing out at you are not really personal but just reactions of her dealing with challenging times.
try not reacting negitively to her actions but give her a hug possibly and let her know your here for her and these challenging times are soon to pass, if this is what you want
best of luck, coach
i believe international.com

If it’s not working out between you two, you have every right to leave. (If you are not married, of course.) It sounds like you have put up with quite a lot, yet you say she is saying bad things about you. Maybe you two are not good for each other. Maybe you should break up with her and then someday, maybe you will find a more compatible person. It is awful living with someone you are not compatible with and who makes you miserable.
Proverbs 27:15-16 says:

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a rainy day.
Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind
or trying to hold something with greased hands.”

Proverbs 21:9

9It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Thanks to both of you!

What brought the latest episode was brough on because we received an overdraw on one of our old business accounts, in the amount of 125.00. She was trying to sneak out of the house, and I walked in the kitchen, and she was packing up the rest of her stuff and said “I am going out”. I said-”for the night?”. She said yes. She was gone all night, did not call. Now she is still not back tonight. I called her on her cell phone and said “please let me know that you are allright, I am worried about you. An hour later I could a call from her mom, relaying a message to me that she was ok. So I guess it is OK to bolt (we have been in a relationship for over two years and she has never done this before) and worry me to death about her saftey?

coach wrote:
it is hard to give sound advise with out knowing more about the both of you but it sounds like you have two choices.
1-you can pack up and leave or
2-maybe her lashing out at you are not really personal but just reactions of her dealing with challenging times.
try not reacting negitively to her actions but give her a hug possibly and let her know your here for her and these challenging times are soon to pass, if this is what you want
best of luck, coach
i believe international.com

Thanks coach,

I have been trying to let her know that eventually this to will pass. I shut down the business, and have been trying to find a job. I even applied for a job where I had to take a spelling test. This was very demeaning to me since I have advanced degrees. This town is small and there is not available for me. I have had a role in the financail problems, but so has she. Nevertheless, she tells her friends, family, and myself, that is all my fault and that she is not to blame for anything; this despite diverting business resources to help her make it through a time when she needed it (during the full year she was off work recovering from an accident).

I take responsibility for not handling the finances correctly after her accident, but the business was booming prior to the accident.

This is not my home town, it is her home town. I feel that I have noone to turn to and feel she has demonized me to the people that I considered my friends.

I feel somewhat trapped because i want to leave for the sake of my mental health, but feel in leaving she will take it upon herself to demonize me further, e.g. leaving to avoid financial responsibiltiy. I explained that I need to leave this town to find gainful employment in my field.

terri.boberr wrote:
If it’s not working out between you two, you have every right to leave. (If you are not married, of course.) It sounds like you have put up with quite a lot, yet you say she is saying bad things about you. Maybe you two are not good for each other. Maybe you should break up with her and then someday, maybe you will find a more compatible person. It is awful living with someone you are not compatible with and who makes you miserable.
Proverbs 27:15-16 says:

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a rainy day.
Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind
or trying to hold something with greased hands.”

Proverbs 21:9

9It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Thanks. I feel deep down that this is an unhealthy situation, but I keep finding myself give her chances. I have left three times and each times she comes back to me and wants me to come back. I think I have to cut her off and not talk to her for some time.

She does not seem to respect you, the way she left and never came back. Doesn’t care if you worry. Has HER MOM to call you to tell you she’s okay. Look man, IT’S OVER. She treats you like dirt. Get out of town ASAP. If you don’t, she will wait until she runs out of money, or men…and then when she needs your help again, she will try to get back together with you so she can USE you some more. You have been in the relationship so long that you are starting to think that abnormality is normal. It is not. You relationship is NOT a normal, healthy, viable relationship. You really need to get out and STAY out of it. She is not good for you. You sound like a good decent person. You need a good decent person to date.

Thanks. I have already started the process of moving, getting the truck, finding a place et al. Thanks for your input.

On another note.

She and I have built somewhat of a life together. She as a 15 year old son, whom I have grown to love like he was my own. We had plans for me to give him tennis lessons this summer. How do I handle this? It seems his life was already filled with disappointment prior to my involvement with his mother and I think he has great potential.

Also, despite the fact that she and I have irreperable problems, I still love her and care for her deeply.

Is it possible to remain friends? How do negate all this on her son. Thanks.

Are you moving far away? If you are moving to another town, then it looks like tennis lessons are out with her son. You could offer to pay for his tennis lessons with an instructor in his town. You could tell him how much he means to you, and that you will try to keep in touch via email, telephone, etc., but tell him due to the disintegration of your relaionship with his mother, that you can’t stay in town (if, in fact, you are moving to another town).

If you are staying in that town, then give him lessons but arrange it so that there is NO contact between you and his mom. You pick him up and drop him off so that you don’t have to look at her and converse with her.

At this early stage in the break-up, it would be very unwise for you to remain “friends” with her. Because people are creatures of habit. You start being friendly with her and before you know it, you will get back into your dating “grove” and do things people who are involved in a relationship do. Then, you will find yourself right smack dab in the middle of a relationship with her again.

So, if you really want to break-up with her, then you are going to have to cut off your contact with her COMPLETELY for some time–to give yourself time to become acclimated to a new life “sans” her. That will take some time. But during this time, you need to completely stop seeing her or communicating with her, or you will never actually end the relationship.

After a while, ask someone else out on a date. Get a new life. Then, when you find someone who REALLY cares for you, you will forget all about her and find TRUE love! It will be great!

Well, I hope this helps. I know it is hard ending a relationship. But if you really think this relationship has run its course and she is not good for you (which it sounds as though this is the case), then you really need to end it.