friends help: My mom treats me differently then anyone else in the family. - Help.com



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My mom treats me differently then anyone else in the family.

I’m the oldest, and I’ve never done anything ‘bad,’ so to speak. Like, I didn’t drink in high school, and I never made her worry about me. My sister, who is younger then me, has had a really rough last few years, with alcoholic friends and an abusive boyfriend, dealt with substance abuse, planned a suicide, and even was in a hospital for a while, so she wouldn’t hurt herself. She was diagnosed as being borderline, and was put on medication. Lately, she’s gotten better, and doesn’t drink anymore.

Now, my mom treats her as nicely as possible. Of course she gets mad at her, no matter how irresponsible she is.

I just graduated high school, and my mom treats me basically like, since I’m not in danger of hurting myself, and since I have no addictions, or anything really, that she can be mean to me. Like, I confide in her, or something, and she’s really unsympathetic and doesn’t seem to care. She’s sarcastic and even laughs sometimes when I tell her that what she’s doing is hurting me. She even tells me that she can’t deal with it, so I should just go speak to a therapist.

I’m not demanding she deals with my problems, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to when I need to talk to someone. Even my dad, who doesn’t live with us, has noticed how she treats me. It’s not all the time, she helps me with whatever job and career thing I need, but as soon as I get into anything personal, she thinks I’m being dramatic. Whenever my sister and I are arguing, she always yells at me and my sister gets away with whatever. And whenever I comment, it gets into a ‘you’re too old to be comparing yourself to your sister’ sort of thing.

I’ve already tried talking to her, as calmly as possible, and she doesn’t recognize what she’s doing. Is there anything else I can do? This is really awful for me — I don’t want to be with my family anymore, and when I am, it makes me so upset I’ve started hurting myself, privately. I just feel so helpless and guilty for being angry with her. She says, ‘this is who I am,’ but I don’t understand why she’s acting like this.

This open post was written 4 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 293, 15, 11 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 10 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 4 months, 1 week ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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crazy711mdlay offline Verified User (4 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (15 minutes after post)

well sometimes when i cant get my mom to listen im mean to her and ill tell her “see it doesnt feel very nice does it, im always tring my hardest to be good to you but you treat me poorly, and now that the table is turned you dont like it do you?” or you can try moving out… find your own place before you create more resentment toward your mom

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allentownalie offline Verified User (4 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (18 minutes after post)

Honestly, if you can, I’d move out of that house. It sounds like your mother isn’t helping your emotional situation, and is in fact making it worse. The situation in that house is bad, and if I were you I’d get away from it ASAP. Hope this helps.

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sansceriph offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 585 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (27 minutes after post)

It does sound like you’re probably old enough to move out. Please do try to see a counselor about hurting yourself. It’s a very slippery slope and can get out of control very fast. Several members here have experience with it.

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sansceriph invited 38 users to read this post 4 months, 1 week ago.

SweetLips~ offline Verified User (5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (35 minutes after post)

I have been in a situation like that before.
Like what sansceriph said it can get out of control very easily.
Try talking to a professional about it, we are here to help but sometimes people need someone to give them professional advice.

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one.2wi offline Verified User (4 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 60 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (35 minutes after post)

What specifically do you mean by:

“I’ve started hurting myself, privately.”

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nanny shark offline Verified User (4 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 12 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (45 minutes after post)

If talking to your mom about it doesn’t work, then the only positive thing I could think of doing would be to move in with your dad. A confrontation with her would probably result in an argument, judging from what you’ve said.

Hurting yourself isn’t going to solve your problems; as for “demanding that she helps you with your problems,” thats a mother’s job. If she took on the job of being a mother (twice), but had to wait for one of her daughters to attempt suicide to start caring enough to talk, then it sounds like she’s the one in need of the professional help, not you. You’ve done nothing but played your role as her daughter.

Like I said, move in with your father if you can. It sounds like it could help you out, and maybe it would be a wake-up call for her.

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kemmy offline Verified User (6 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 12 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (46 minutes after post)

Have you thought about moving out? Or moving in with your dad?

It sounds like your mom is taking her feelings out on you. She has to worry about your sister and her fragile state, and probably says things to you that she wishes she could say to your sister. None of it is right, and you shouldnt hurt yourself b/c of her. It is a tough habit to break.

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MamaBear {Felicity} offline Verified User (8 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 230 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (58 minutes after post)

http://help.com/post/145067-confessio… link is if your thinking about or started cutting. I hope it helps you sweetie

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thankyo offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (1 hour, 4 minutes after post)

Thank you everyone for your help - it really is so nice that people don’t even know me want to help me.

I’m planning to move out soon - going to college after summer is over. It’s located in another city, but fairly close, if I ever want to come visit.

Kemmy, I totally think you’re right when you say she’s taking out what she wants to say to my sister on me - that makes so much sense.

Also, thank you to those who posted the alternatives to self-harm lists — I’ll try them out.

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MamaBear {Felicity} offline Verified User (8 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 230 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (4 hours, 4 minutes after post)

Your welcome,but Just to hear the hope in your words is enough thanks.Good Luck :)

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AKITHMA offline Verified User (10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (10 hours, 15 minutes after post)

sounds like your mother may be suffering as well and sorry to say but your problems may appear trivial in her mind at this piont ,not to say they are but by comparison maybe so,perhaps you could ask her if she has anything she would like help with ,that you love her and she can talk with you anytime she need a friend or an ear this may break the ice wall between you and she may feel she can offer a bit more of herself for you when you need her

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AKITHMA offline Verified User (10 months) Long Term User Shouts: 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (10 hours, 19 minutes after post)

at this point i dont believe harming yourself will focus her attention it may give her more stress and therfore less time for you,whats is lacking is love and you can help bring that back help promote it,dont destroy it by selfish physical abuse ,that can never solve anything,two wrongs dont make a right

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Help me with: BABYLON X MASS
Silverwings offline Verified User (1 year, 3 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
Adolphus, KY, US | 4 months, 1 week ago (22 hours, 54 minutes after post)

Be very proud of who you are….. take care of yourself. You can not change how your mother feels. Later on, you may find out more about what is going on with her, but, it sounds like you have exhausted your resources for now. So, quit trying to reach her, and take care of you.

Try to not hold it against her, because that will do not good, for either of you, try to be as nice as you can with her, and with your sister. If you can avoid arguements… you are way ahead. They are never pleasant for any one.

I did not read the other posts yet, but, it sounds like you are in your late teens, probably, so, it shouldn’t be very long before you can be out on your own. If you can leave with the best feeling possible for the family the better off you will be.

Nothing can ever replace family, no matter how bad it gets. We are stuck with each other. Even if you are gone, they will be in your memory, so, try to avoid any trouble, if at all possible. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you, and you will want to visit your family so try not to burn any bridges.

Get some support from somewhere that is healthy, a school counselor, a pastor, a counselor, a friendly aunt, a grandmother who understands, or just a very good friend.

It is good that you came here, you will meet many very nice and helpful people on here, and can become good friends with many. They offer a whole community full of support and ideas, just keep posting and reading posts, I think you will be very glad you found this site.

Plese STOP HURTING YOURSELF….. RIGHT NOW…..

This will do no……….good. Nada….. Zilch…… Nothing…… good will come of this. NOTHING……….

Find constructive ways of helping yourself, and your situation. Do some research online, seeing how much info. you can find on the issues you are dealing with. It will take your mind off your problems, and give you some very good insight.

Count your blessings every night…… one by one… name them off, and soon you will be feeling much better….

Blessings…..

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