If you just lonely, hang out with someone else and see if you still feel the same. If its no contest compared to the one your with the its probably love.
Do you know who you are…what makes you the person that is YOU?
To be able to love someone else, you need to love yourself…without that, how can you truly express emotions if you feel the need to have the care of someone else in your life…
Is it love… or is it fancy fest?
I think Dans answer sums it up.
how can you confuse love and loneliness? you’ll know if it’s love
Dan gives good advice,couldn’t have said it better myself.
Dan TL wrote:
If you just lonely, hang out with someone else and see if you still feel the same. If its no contest compared to the one your with the its probably love.
I do like that… Sounds like a good idea.
Brayker wrote:
To be able to love someone else, you need to love yourself…
Kinda scary because that is what my Ex said to me a while back.
kemmy wrote:
Is it love… or is it fancy fest?I think Dans answer sums it up.
I dont exactly know what a fancy fest is, Lol. I wonder if it is loneliness or love because I know that before being with this girl I was very lonely.
hastaiguana wrote:
how can you confuse love and loneliness? you’ll know if it’s love
A little bit too easily.
He’s questioning the very essence of the relationship…sometimes it’s more than a surface scratch…
You’re being too vague about the nature of your relationship…how long have you known the person you’re with, how long have you been with this person?
You’re mentioning an Ex…when did you two break up? You must realize the potential of a rebound…
Okay, to be less vague and more blunt. Current relationship couple weeks, have known current girlfriend less than a month, broke up with ex a little less than half a year ago. Although its a short time knowing the person, its a complicated situation.
Good stuff, heck it’s hard to throw it on the table, but it helps…no pun intended…
The time that you know a person or are with them can have no relativity to the emotions and experiences that are felt and had, as we all go through different situations…so with you saying ‘complicated’ I follow you…
Perhaps the confusion is tied to an alternate connection, on another level, as maybe there are things you find about the person to be so appealing, that you seem to ‘love’ those traits or characteristics. Perhaps there are similarites to your ex, and that’s why you find them to be of attraction to you.
As for what Dan said, I agree, see if your emotions are equal or greater when it comes to spending time with others.
But it’s more than that.
Do you find your thoughts drifting to that person for no reason? Are you compelled to do things for them for no apparent reason other than because you want to?
Is this person and the feelings you associate greater than those you had for your ex…or are you just trying to burn that out with the replacement of the person with another?…
As for my echoing statement of your ex “To be able to love someone else, you need to love yourself…” it’s true…sometimes a breakup can cause such turnmoil within us that we lose our path…our way…and we start to drift…
I’m not saying that you’re necessairly drifting in life…but perhaps the relationship, and comfort of another person creates the illusion of love…
This reply has been removed.
Very insightful, I would have to agree with you. But at the same time, when comparing the past relationship to the current, is there any way to tell if the current will work if you aren’t sure if you love them more or less yet. To help explain the situation a little better, my ex and I were together for a little over 5 years, and didn’t break up over any bad reasons; just complications.
I dont see any bit of my current girlfriend in relation to my ex, They seem entirely different. My current girlfriend is much more like me, but already I am finding certain traits that I am not entirely happy about. Do I just deal with them or do I say something. Not physical traits, but attitude.
I do think about my current girlfriend a lot…
And it is true that when my ex and I broke up, things just seemed to drift in life, and I was a lot less happy with everything. It wasn’t untill I met my current girlfriend till I was this happy since being with my ex.. It could be the illusion of love, but I suppose that is what I am looking to find out.
This reply has been removed.
I suppose how I see it is that she is sometimes being a little bit mean to others, not exactly to me. But i’m worried that she will be that way towards me once the relationship moves on. Another thing that worries me about the relationship is both her and my want to always be the one that is right.
5 years is no small number by any means, and after six months of recovery, perhaps your new girlfriend is a coping mechanisim (rebound) and a way to deal with the loss of your ex.
The only true way to find if you’re content with your current girlfriend is to ride it out and see what progresses from the relationship, as it would prove to be difficult to for see the future of it…but you can look for the warning signs.
As for those traits you’re not happy about, seeuseeme covered that pretty well, as it really comes down to what you can work and deal with, and what are absolute ‘no-no’s’ in compatibility.
It’s also natural to pick at a person, as we have a tendency to find what’s ‘wrong’ with someone we’re interested in…
You need to come to terms with what is fundamental of that person, what will always be a part of them and will never change (as you should never be looking to change another person) If you can deal with these traits, then you can progress with the relationship, but if you see these traits as a potential problem, and they arise without your instigation or you picking at them repeatedly, then it may come down to how much you can really take before you may find the need to part ways.
The only surefire way to find out if you love them more or less is to just be…but want to be there…you find your thoughts go to her…which is better than your ex, that’s for sure…it’s obvious that she has a place in your mind, and perhaps your heart.
We put alot on the line in a relationship, and fears can overcome us when it comes down to loving again after a long term…if you find that you are sourcing all of your happiness from this other person, and cannot do the same for yourself without them…then it could be an illusion…but only time and continued experience can help you down that path…
It’s a natural habit of ours to compare, to see if the current overcomes the past,
Well you’ll also need to release the need to ‘always be right’ as discussions and arguments can only be met with compromise and just words towards eachother.
If one party is not willing to give in a situation, then it become static, and progress cannot be made…
Yeah, thats one problem I can already realize in myself. But for all of the other advice that was given to me, thanks a lot everyone. I will give it thought. Its given me a better sense of where im at with this relationship. :)
Perfect, happy we could ‘help’ :)
If you were in love you wouldn’t be confused about it .
Whats the difference. More importantly, what does it matter? Trying to rationalize your human emotion and desire is fruitless, in my opinion.
Well my response is long delayed, but I was curious of the outcome.
outcome was bad, but i learned a lot from the relationship
I am 47 year old male hispanic living in Nashville Tenn. Divorced since 2000 and have two daughetrs that hardly ever come to see me anymore. All my friends s have left me or cut their relationship with me. The church I attend now, I get no christian love, I feel invisible at times when attend church. I feel like I have no reality here and I feel like leaving everything that I have here and going home to where I grew up in Texas and taking care of my elderly mom and re-starting my identity. May I am going thru a hard phase in my life, but I do feel GOD is not hearing me nor anyone else.
Dan TL
.:Hasta Iguana:.^_^
nextstar
.: Aly :.
jkl113