Love help: hey i have a problem.. - Help.com

Tell her how you feel, and talk it out with her. If you’ve known her for 8/9 years, I’m sure she’d be open to hearing what you have to say and she’d care enough to work it out with you. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a good start.

The time is not right if she has a boyfriend. If they break up, then you might approach her when she’s available… Of course, there’s a chance she has feelings too, OR, there’s a chance she only sees you as a friend and can’t change that feeling. In the meantime, don’t put your life on hold… keep on living and try to stop thinking about HER as she’s not available right now… try to focus on other things.

I agree with cattail.

Do you still hang out with her a lot?

You will never know if it will work out, if it could have worked out, if it would have not worked out, unless… you talk to her. Or possibly, you could write her a letter, and be there as she reads it. Or you could just do nothing and passs up on the best thing that ever happened to you. Either which, get real with yourself. Act upon your feelings, or douse those dreams. Choice is yours. Do something!

yea i still hang out with her and cattail i tried to focus on other things but .. i cant i dont know shes stuck in my head …

In that case, just try and be a decent friend. If you become a really good friend, there is chance she might come to you instead of her boyfriend if she has problems.

I know it’s hard, but the truth is we can control our thoughts with some effort. Just tell yourself “stop it” when you catch yourself dwelling on her… you can re-train your brain… it becomes like a habit to keep thinking about her, really. You can change the way you think about her right now… think of her as a friend and unavailable, at least for now… just put that in your head. The time isn’t right, unless you are seeing that she’s very unhappy with her current bf, but you didn’t mention anything like that.

shes actually very happy with her boyfriend and i dont wanan ruin anything with her and i tried yes but its harder to do that as you say :( just.. i love her so badly cant do anything about it and i dont wanna destroy our friendship

Well I reckon you are just going to have to live with until (and if) she breaks up with him. I understand that is REALLY hard but like catttail says; you are just going to have to control your thoughts. The important thing is just to be there for her when she really needs it and ensure that your friendship doesn’t end.

Just curious, why do you think this has hit you so hard now after being her friend for 8 or 9 years? Did anything happen that made you suddenly feel like you were in love with her??

i realized she was there for me everytime i needed a friend she made me laugh when i was sad she was with me when my parents divorced and she gave me the hug whenever i needed one

She does sound like a very true friend!!! I hope this will work out for you someday, but you know… as long as she is happy with her boyfriend right now, I’d try hard not to disrupt that. Someday when she is free, and the time seems right, you might want to share how you feel… Sorry, I know that’s so hard… but just try to realize this is not the right time, who knows what the future holds.

she is a true friend tho a part of me wants to destroy their relationship and be with her and another wants her happy with who she is and i really dont know what to do … it makes me crazy ,cant sleep at night cant do nothing

just tell her. but make sure she knows ur not trying to steal her from her boyfriend or anything.
who knows? she may feel the same way but thought u didnt feel that way.

if she thinks u r trying to break the relationship up then she will resent that and may get mad at u

I understand… it’s a really hard place to be in. I’m actually starting to question my own advice… LOL. I mean I don’t think you should disrupt the relationship she’s in if she’s happy, but on the other hand I can understand how hard it is for you to be carrying these feelings around and you have no closure… I mean, you don’t even know how she feels or if she could think of you as other than a friend. At least if you knew that, you wouldn’t be left hanging.

I’m wondering if sometime when you’re hanging out you could casually mention… “Hey, did you ever think about the two of us going out, being more than friends?” :) Maybe you can sort of get some of her thoughts on that… LOL. OK, it’s not like you’re asking her out when she has a boyfriend, just wondering something… giving her some food for thought too… :)

I guess I’m waivering on this, because what if she would rather be with you too, if she only knew how you felt about her?!

What kind of lousy advice-giver am I anyway, changing my mind on this?!! :D

well i dont know when to i could say that .. and maybe i will screw things up with that question? i dont know i mean i am just to scared for anything that i wont end our friendship

Yeah… well…. I doubt it would ruin such a solid friendship either which way… she seems to be a wonderful devoted friend, and for so many years now!

You know best how things are between you and how you could handle this. Who knows, maybe someday when she’s free, something will just happen… a kiss that came when you were feeling close?? Maybe you can write her a letter, and include how you would never want to lose her friendship, but you just wonder if she’s ever thought you could be more than friends… ? Hmmmm….

well what should i write in the letter?

Just tell her how you are feeling recently, that after all these years you realize she’s the one who’s always been there for you, and you are feeling a lot of love for her… and you would never want to jeopardize your friendship, but you felt you had to tell her how you are feeling and wondered if she ever thought she could be more than friends with you …

Something like that… you know, fill in with your personal feelings and shared experiences that I don’t know about!! :)