friends help: I hate having a shy and quiet personality in fact I wish Im more loud and outgoing but it doesn’t come naturally to me. - Help.com

that sounds like me. its like i have people anxiety. sry i dont know the actual name. i hate not bein able to be outgoing. its hard to change. you just need to keep putting yourself in situations that will help. its gunna take awhile.

what sort of situations?

if you go somewhere with your friends where theres alot of people like a party n just start tlkn. i have a problem with that, its gunna be hard, just go where theres alot of people, but make sure you have a friend there who can help back you up. does anyone know about ur situation? if so, have them help you with it

I went to a party yesterday and I found it hard! I also failed a course last year because I wasn’t social enough and they told me I couldn’t do it because of that very reason. I feel like I hardly have any hope.

my problem, bein shy, or not social, whatever you wanna call it, holds me back from so much. theres some days when i just sit n think bout my life, how different/better it would be if i were more outgoing. i know i shouldnt, n you could say im a hipocrite, but i try to stay away from things that i cant do, like starting a conversation with a new group of people, etc… like you, i wish i was different, but its just too hard to do by yourself. you need help. im 18, i hate how i am, but i have to live with it and just try to get better as life goes on.

This is exactly what I was about to start a post about… I have this ego which says I’m am cool and easy going. It gets me foot in the door so to speack, but then I just loose the plot after a while and end up behaving like a complete idiot. I’m 27 and I’ve suffered with it my whole life. Both my parents are the same.

Here’s the dealio: I found when I got to University that I couldn’t socialise like my peers. I spent the whole time fairly miserable. My work suffered and I ended up being asked to leave based on my (lack) of work. They told me if I didn’t increase my output I’d only get a crap degree anyway. So I left and spent three years trying to sort myself out back at home. My desire to have friends coupled with my crippling social skills left me completely at a loss. Anyway, I went back to cellege, got a diploma in performance studies, and came back to uni at the age of 25. I found myself in the most outgoing raucous halls of residence I could possibly get into to really try and face my fears. I was studig music, and got with the most exciting girl I could possibly find. Drugs, drink, parties the lot. All her mates got into DJing and now make money out of it and are fairly successful. I wanted to join in but my social insecurities got out of hand, and I just lost the plot. Now I find it hard to get anything done, the more I try the harder it gets. I hate being so weird around people, but I have to accept that I have a problem, and I have to deal with it.

There are loads of people with the same condition. They are difficult to socialise with and find it hard being around others. I know there must be a way out of this, but I’m not sure myself what it is yet. We need help, but nothing I try I stick to. I’m, only ever comfortable when I’m on my own or with few people around me. The whole music thing is based on connections with people and friendships and so forth, all these things I find impossible.

I have recently found a self-help DVD called the Secret, and read a book called Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch, which are both pretty helpful. (It’s not particularly religious, but it does help to answer some of those questions).

For me at least I know that when I was a child something scared me about being around lots of people, and so the fear has become lodged in there somewhere. There is a method of relaxation that you can try which is highlighted here:

http://www.videospider.tv/Videos/Deta…

I’ve only just stumbled on it myself so I’m gonna have a look now. Either way i hope this helps.

Hi,

I’ve got the same type of thing. i’m really quiet, find it hard to hold a conversation and clam up in public. i’ve found a couple of things that help. One was an nlp technique called ‘anchoring’. this dramatically changed how i felt in public. the other is using the alone time to develop a sense of identity. that way when you go out again you are stronger. when you project who you are better, people respond differently.

I get support at university for my condition, can u do the same?
If you’re diagnosed then u can show them evidence.