Love help: I didn’t realize it would end so quickly. - Help.com



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I didn’t realize it would end so quickly.

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She came over this weekend. We weren’t planning on seeing each other for a few weeks because I’m really busy with finals and she has her own to take, but she wanted to see me. So she came over, and I figured it would be a quiet night, but then there’s a party next door and she wants to go. I hate it when she drinks, she incorrectly believes she knows her limit. Granted, you may ask yourself how do I know better than her, but when someone has such an attraction to alcohol, always going back for another drink and getting to a point where they stumbling frequently and not keeping their eyes pointing in the same direction - yea I’ll say you’ve had enough, but oh, she won’t.
Point is things are over. We talked that night and the next morning before she left, and the next night on the phone and it’s done. In retrospect I guess it was obvious. We are so different in our personalities that there is no way this could have lasted for very long. In fact, the only reason I believe it did last this long is because we only saw each other every weekend at most. It did make the last six months nice though. I love her, but this had to happen eventually - though right in the middle of finals was not great timing hah.
To be honest, I will miss her. I think I’ll be fine, I’m not too worried about going out or dating anytime soon. But moreover, I hope she’s okay. I don’t think she’s an alcoholic, but it seems like when there’s liquor around she must have it. I hope she stays safe and finds a nice guy, not someone who’s going to use her or anything like that. She’s a good kid.

These are my thoughts and this was my relationship.

For those reading and interested: We broke up because of our differences in personality. She is very outgoing, enjoys hanging out with friends at parties and drinking and all of that stuff. Saying that, she sounds like your average college kid, but she’s not. She was sweet and kind but liked to have fun. She’s also pretty brilliant but not on the same subject that we could related on. I, on the other hand, tend to be more quiet and not as outgoing. I don’t go out to parties and drink as frequently as she does. I don’t hang out in large groups as often as she does. I do go out, don’t get me wrong, but I spend most of my time during the semesters in my room doing work because there’s a lot to be done and I cannot risk not doing it again. It’s caused me problems in the past and school is my number one priority. She knew that about me and I knew that about her. The problem is that staying in all the time and doing work semester after semester has changed me, making me the non-outgoing person that I am.
It’s going to be a long week of finals, and an even longer summer without her.

I’m just posting this for myself. Enjoy reading, but please do not criticize.

This closed post was written 4 months ago | V/U/S: 326, 10, 6 | Edit Post | Report Post

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Patric1 offline Verified User (4 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (28 minutes after post)

Oh, I’m sort of sorry for this. I say sort of because I think you had a close shave. You don’t see her that much and I reckon she is drinking more than you think. She also seems to like to party and her selfworth goes out of the window everytime. You don’t need a person like this in your life not just now, but for ever. Imagine that, her forever. I see a warm glow come on your laptop, so stop it! The only warm glow you will get here is her full of alcohol and causing you grief. You can pick her up 20 times - you probably already have. You can pick her up 50 times, but that’s just because you feel you have to. You can pick her up 100 times and you will resent her, should I go on.
You were so different too. There seemed to be nothing in it, but her looks and ’sweetness.’ This does not make a relationship you can rely on for the rest of your life. She has already made you this unhappy at a time when you need support. You both do. Get your head into your books, study hard and just be glad when it is all through and you passed with flying colours, you didn’t have her to hinder your every turn.
I would ignore if she calls and get on with what will eventually shape your future. It is what she wanted and you love her enough to let her go. A better person can let a loved one go if it makes them happy.
I am sorry about this, but I think you already knew it wasn’t going to work long term.

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The Astro-Man offline Verified User (12 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (37 minutes after post)

Dude, you did the right thing. She is definitely an alcoholic, whether or not you want to believe it, and no-one wants to be in a relationship where one person loves something more than the other person in the relationship.

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Help me with: Meh, I’m done.
nextstar offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 98 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (39 minutes after post)

I think you like her a lot but not in love with her .

P.S: Don’t take my reply as criticism .

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Help me with: Just bunch of feelings
Anonymous #
4 months ago (57 minutes after post)

I feel for you. You sound like you know what you’re doing….In fact you sound like my ‘boyfriend.’ Well done I suppose.

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Anonymous #
4 months ago (2 hours, 22 minutes after post)

Patric1 - I started reading your post and immediately thought to myself “no, you don’t understand,” but I must admit that after thinking about it and coming back here and reading it again I know that part of you say is right. I should not settle for this part of her personality.
When we first started seeing each other, everything was great and there absolutely no problems. In fact, I did not even see her drink for the first time until we had been together for three months (I may be repeating myself here from a previous post). After that night I told her that if this is the way she is with alcohol I cannot possibly continue to see her no matter how much it will hurt me because it will only hurt more later. Well here I am, exactly how I said I would be so many months ago. You’re completely right, I knew this would happen. At first I told her how I felt and then I basically settled with the way she was which was definitely the wrong choice. Sometimes we just want to ignore the bad things…

nextstar - I believe it was love. The first three months were awesome. The weeks following were still great. But the last few weeks have had their ups and their downs. Everything seemed great between us - friends, family and fun - everything except for some of her social outings.

Regardless, I think its definitely for the better how things have ended up. True it could have been at a better time, maybe after final exams (like I said earlier) but it’s really not a big deal. The only thing now that I have to deal with that’s going to be a first time for me is all my friends who knew her and will ask me about her. I haven’t told any friends who I see here in school because I don’t want to have to deal with seeing anyone who might say something. I know they will only be words of encouragement but I want to try and stay clear of thinking about this for a while.

Thanks guys. All four of you - what you’ve said helps.

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Kima offline Verified User (5 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 12 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (3 hours, 55 minutes after post)

When you stated: “She is a good kid.”

You are clearly not on the same level.

Enough said.

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Catty_Sue offline Verified User (6 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
Perth, 08, AU | 4 months ago (15 hours, 15 minutes after post)

Gut feelings are usually right. All ex’s are ex’s for a reason otherwise they would be presents…

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Patric1 offline Verified User (4 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 6 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (20 hours, 2 minutes after post)

When someone stops to think for long enough, they can find the answers were there all the time. Unfortunately, we are not good at doing this, us humans, and that is why we fall victims of all sorts of things. I understand when you say ’sometimes we just ignore the bad ones.’ It doesn’t help our lives improve and the sooner we realise this, the better our lives will become. Have a happy future and study well!

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Anonymous #
4 months ago (3 days, 8 hours after post)

Thank you for your help Patric1.
I’m definitely doing better now, I’ve thought about it a lot and I understand where things fell apart (namely from the beginning). I think I was just too quick to step into it, and too reluctant to let go of something that seemed like it could be so good. In retrospect I knew there would be problems which would eventually lead to the downfall of the relationship, but I chose to ignore them.
Thank you again.

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