Love help: HELP, I am stuck in a loveless marriage and scared, I have 3 children who love there father and would choose him over me. - Help.com

The first question is why are you unhappy? Is it something he’s doing? Is it something YOU’RE doing? Think hard and answer yourself honestly first. If you have three kids who love their dad you owe it to them to try to make things work.

Ouch.

First, I guess I’d try to leave the kids out of it for now.

If it were me, I guess I’d take my DH aside and just tell him straight up that I don’t feel I love him anymore. That would -I hope- lead to discussing the problems between us, and the importance of marriage counselling.

A good counsellor can then guide the two of you to either fixing and repairing the things that have gone wrong, or dismanteling things in a way that causes the least harm.

You should confront your husband. HOWEVER, think from your HEART, not your head. If you aren’t sure how to do that ask me, most people don’t know how, yet alone know there is a differnce. My point is to think from your HEART, and ask yourself, do you want it to work? If your answer is yes. after confronting your husband tell him you want it to work and seek marriage counselling.

I’m sorry to say this but how can you lose love? Love is more than a feeling. Love is a way of life. You chose this man to be your way of life why? You have three kids why (and i’m not looking for the textbook answer)? You heart is smarter than your head, but you head can give you mixed feelings. Go to a counsler. There is no reason you should leave him, and this is cruel but the kids should be the last hing on your mind right now. Try to rekindle the love you “lost” and once that clears up and gives you a strait answer then worry about the kids and what you are going to say. Work is often the barrior between good marraiges. No matter what you should dig your self too far or like now it will cloud you judgement and give you false feelings. Trust you got in this marriage for a reason and it will guide you. You sill need to tell him how you feel and say “we need a marraige counsler”. I hope eveything turns out for the best for you, your husband and the children!

carnivale wrote:
I’m sorry to say this but how can you lose love? Love is more than a feeling. Love is a way of life. You chose this man to be your way of life why? You have three kids why (and i’m not looking for the textbook answer)? You heart is smarter than your head, but you head can give you mixed feelings. Go to a counsler. There is no reason you should leave him, and this is cruel but the kids should be the last hing on your mind right now. Try to rekindle the love you “lost” and once that clears up and gives you a strait answer then worry about the kids and what you are going to say. Work is often the barrior between good marraiges. No matter what you should dig your self too far or like now it will cloud you judgement and give you false feelings. Trust you got in this marriage for a reason and it will guide you. You sill need to tell him how you feel and say “we need a marraige counsler”. I hope eveything turns out for the best for you, your husband and the children!

Excellent advice! Very well written carnivale!

Well…if the kids would like the Dad more and the Dad would be a better parent then the kids should stay with their dad…

(This is coming from a childs point of view. My parents are gonna get divorced sooner or later and I would be pretty ******* angry if I had to stay with my dad…)

Thank you.

Staying in an unhappy marriage to please the children is ridiculous. Children will be perfectly fine if the parents are split up as long as the parents maintain a good relationship. Children can tell if a marriage is unhappy and loveless and that is not a good atmosphere or situation to raise children in And why couldn’t they live with their father? ever heard of joint custody. A divorce does not mean that they have to pick one parent over another. The only reason a lot of kids think this is if the parents do not get along. If you can make your marriage work, that is of course wonderful, but if you can’t it is up to you and your husband to split amicably and if you do the children will be fine. Staying in an unhappy marriage is not good for children. remember that.

mithan_bouvier wrote:
You have loved that man.
You still care for him, its just the passion, the fire and the desire that you can’t find anymore.

You have the power and the ability to change everything.

-You can try to make things work by conversing more with your husband and try to sort things out.
-Get professional help.
-Do it the old school way :-For the sake of Love,the kids,and your own identity, You have to think carefully, put it black on white if you want,the reason(s) that’s making you unhappy.

Quoted for brilliance. Top-notch advice.

Hate to tell you that the father gets equal rights with the children. You both will have equal custody and if he has them 50% of the time there will not be any child support paid to you. And heres the rub, if the children want to live with their father, the judge or counselor will as them he will be granted primary custody. The main thing here is even tho you don’t love each other any more you cannot use the kids against each other. Your both their parents and are going to be for the rest of their life’s. Hope this helps :-)

sorry about the spelling (the judge or counselor will ask them, he will be granted primary custody.)

Sometimes it’s best to go somewhere and private and write things out. First write out your feelings the feelings that are causing this deep unhappiness. Then write out your fears.. Only you know what’s going on in your household. Always remember the grass isn’t green in life and it darn sure isn’t greener just because you are single and can date again… I’m single and it’s not much better from where I’m standing. To get to the point wait until the next day and pull out the paper read it. Use you heart to decide if your just being extremely picky or reasonable. From there I would talk to your husband and ask for conseling or whatever but just keep things away from the children until you both reach a final decision.