life help: My wife has left and effectively ended our marriage.. - Help.com

Would you know the reason why she left because it is important to know the reasons behind those actions. Women need to be listened to. And her leaving could be a call that she needs you to put attention to her.

I know this has all left you insecure and i also do not know enough background as to why these all happened but i think it is best to talk about this or seek counseling for a third party to mediate.

If you are not ready to talk to her but would care to talk communicate about things, tell her you need time but you would in the following week or so.

If you don’t want to reconcile your marriage, why are you leading her to believe that you do?

It might not seem clear now, as you’re hurt and upset, but if you retaliate against her—it will cause more grief and trouble, than just being honest and letting her collect her things, and leave. I was married for several years and ended up leaving my husband and most of my possessions. It was an unstable relationship and home life.

Otherwise you will feel constantly on edge and worried about your home, possessions and general sanity.

After you square things away (legally) and she’s collected her belongings, change the locks.

http://help.com/post/135970-my-wife-i…

The thing is, you sound like your mind’s made up.

Hello, I haven’t read the other posting about your wife, but you mentioned above that she is depressed. Has she gotten help for this? As much as her depression has effected her, it is effecting you and it would be wise for both of you to go seek counciling for this so you can be aware of the symptoms and learn to deal with this and not take her actions to heart so to speak.

Marriage is a commitmnet for better or worse, in sickness and in health, as much as you are hurting right now, your wife is confused, and it would be wise to talk to her, and pour out your heart to her.

Many men have a hard time reaching out to thier wives, and visa versa, and the situation you are in, the distance is just going to put a deeper wedge in between the two of you.

She is entitled legally to still enter the house when she wants… and no one can change the locks … just so you know.

Sit down and find out what’s going on with her, and try to sort this out. It’s not okay that she hurt you the way she did, and you need to let her know this. You have feelings to, and she may think that you are strong enough to handle this. No one is an island, and you and your wife need to find a way to get things back… if you both are willing to work extrememly hard at it.

It takes just as much effort to hate and bring on a divorse and go through lawyers as it does to reconcile. And believe you me, the divorce has lasting bitter effects on one’s life.

How long have you been married? How many transitions and journeys have you been through together? Perhaps she needs your support as much as you need her support.
I know you are deeply hurt, but you can overcome this, and have a healthy marriage, you are feeling betrayed, and rejected among other feelings and doubts right now.

You are still you, and this can only make you stronger and more aware. If you want to fight for your marriage, you have that right, and you have the will.

Don’t lead her on though, be honest with her, if you need time, you need time, no one can fault you for that, and if you are uneasy and unsure and want to take things slow at a reconcilliation… you certainly have that choice and that option.

I would strongly suggest, seeking marriage councilling, and if your wife hasn’t already seek medical attention to her emotional and mental state… go with her, and support her, and ask questions because this obviously effects the spouce to and you need to be prepared and aware of the changes that can and won’t take place because of the effects of this.

Whatever you decide, please take time and think things through. Decicions are never best made in anger and hurt. Try to see the situation objectively and perhaps write the pros and cons down to a seperation or help.
Write her a letter if you find talking about your feelings only adds to the pain.

You both are entitled to a happy marriage, and it can work, but you both need to forgive, and that comes after your hurt feelings have been dealt with. Try not to empower the negative emotions, and focus on the positive feelings and the good times your marriage contains.

much support to you friend,
Your friend, shannon

wow, you have some hard decisions to make, would you consider getting some personal councilling to help you sort all this out?

Sounds like you both have been through alot, and you aren’t willing to put up with your love or feelings being pushed aside, I can understand that.

Well whatever you decide, don’t let yourself be talked into anything you aren’t ready for. You have to ask yourself… am I being manipulated? Only you can answer that, and only you know that of your wife and what the situation is.
Sometimes we assume and really the outlook looks far worse that what it really is. We convince ourself and say ” I know this like the back of my hand” and yet our feelings betray us, and we have the other person read so wrongly… thier actions show us that we couldn’t be wrong, but the motives are totally opposite and leave us confused…

Again, only you can decide what you are willing or not willing to go through and have gone through already… but professional help may help put things in better perspective.

I posted this to your other post as well but wanted to get it here in case you didn’t see the other…

I know the feeling but know that it’s not real. She has not taken everything that you have based yourself upon. It only feels that way now because your world has been turned on it’s head a bit, but it will settle - I promise, I’ve been there. First, it is an amazing thing to have friends and family there to support you - even though I know at times you need space to get things straight in your own head. Second, I truly applaud your determination not to reconcile - because from your perspective, she has done nothing to address the issues that were making you so miserable for too long. It is the insane that do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. Finally, probably for the first time in a long time your life is filled with uncertainty and that can make you feel unsure which results in feeling insecure. But if I might challenge you to look at it another way. Now, more than ever, your life is as in your control as it possibly can be. You no longer needed to be concerned on a minute by minute basis by what she may or may not do, how she might act, etc.. Now your concern is to take care of yourself and the things that matter to you. I know, it’s tough to see it now, but you are NOT alone and there are literally thousands upon thousands of people all over the world, walking the same path you are. Keep talking, I’ll be here to help as much as I can.

WoW, all I can say is right on friend… I am so glad you both are on the path to healing!

Have a good day.

I think you are approaching this exactly as you should. Good for you and best of luck to you!

oh maan, I am so sorry to hear that your reconcile did not work out. You know you did the best you could and it is her choice to walk away. She may realize that she made a mistake when you have moved on and found peace and joy in your life…

If I could suggest anything, I’d say continue with the therapy, leave her to her own self, she’s a big girl and you do not have to be run by her manipulation or illness anymore. She has to take responsiblity for her health and her actions, and until she does that, she won’t find the help in you, her family or anyone.

But it’s her choice to make, and I really commend you for opening your heart again and allowing the chance and the hope for something that could be mended. Perhaps it could have been, but livng on coulda woulda shoulda’s just keeps you stuck in the past. You have your future to look ahead of you, what ever you want that to hold.

You are not stupid, don’t sell yourself down the river like that. You tried, you did your best with what you could do, what you were able and allowed to do in this situation. GOOD on you! No one and certainly you shouldn’t fault yourself for that!

Take this time to mend, take each day as it comes and learn to just enjoy being you, take this time to discover new things if you are able, and if you like to read, well you can go read… uninterupted! Make a daily habit to explore a new event in your local town… or a new trendy store, to just browse, go do something! your life is a gift and it’s infront of you to explore… within reason… and no holds barred…just don’t cross any moral boundaries ( K? ) Don’t make us worry about you over here on this side of the internet. hahaha

You are not a fool… a fool is someone who doesn’t exhaust all possibilities and who is shortsighted. you are niether of those… you are someone who is tenacious, and who is wise in thier decisions to know when it’s the end, and to know when to let things take thier course and go the way they need to go…

Chat soon, your friend,
Shannon