I have that Problem, mostly because I’m very outgoing and people say that I need to tone it down a bit, but I still throttle it full blast me. Try IT.
do you find you don’t have much in common with people?
yes , only b/c i am socially clueless and my life is not interesting, nor am i and this makes me feel uncomfortable , but no its not that im shy eathier
Simple Chick! What you need is to find a hobby that you are really enthousiastic about, get interested in something. That will make your life more interesting and you will also be meeting people that you actually have something in common with.
What do you think?
Most of us have rather boring lives. Well, my own life has been like a roller coaster the last three years, but that’s another story. What I think you need to do is look for opportunities to make contributions. Look for volunteer activities, join a church, or start taking classes–even if they’re adult education classes with no college credits! Look for ways you can make things better–work in a soup kitchen, volunteer at an animal shelter, become a “Big Sister,” work with the Girl Scouts . . . so MANY opportunities! And just because your last relationship didn’t work out–probably around 80 - 90 percent do NOT result in a marriage–that doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone just for YOU out there!
I know but poeple dont just donttalk about thier interests and i reall y dont think poeple will like me , b/c of my social dificulties and thats why ihave selesteem issues thanks for all ur suggestions rhough , but i also have a hard time bieng around poeple nobody reaally likes me i can tell , sometimes ill try to be friendly and maybe a little small talk but thats it so i just feel akward , and im having a hard time figuring out what i like
The point is that i do not make friends easily b/c its impossible to open up and i guess i come across as boring.
Miamichick, what can I say? You have to like you. You have to find some interests and keep busy with things you enjoy doing. If you’re not bored with yourself, you won’t be boring to others. As a matter of fact, if you enjoy yourself doing interesting things in your life, it won’t even matter to you what others think of you! And that’s when everything will turn around!
I get what ur saying but how can i like myself if i am like a mute most of the time?
I’m still not sure you are really getting what I’m saying…
What do you enjoy doing? What hobbies are you into?
I like watching movies , i used to rollerblade , the beach is nice i enjoy dancing , i like roller coasters just normal typical things
Do your friends enjoy those things also? Do you go out and do such activities with other people?
Honestly i dnt have many and i go out with my sister alot and her friends, but yea in the past i have but still felt lonley b/c i dnt really interact with anyone and its just not fun for me
Something tells me you’re not too old. You need to practice on this. It gets better with time. Don’t despair. All I was really trying to say to you is try to find some hobby, art or sport or anything of the sort that you would like to better yourself at. When you get yourself involved in something that really interests you, first, it makes you feel better about yourself. Then, you have some interest that really stimulates you and have something to talk about. And last, doing something you are really interested in could help you meet people who have the same interests as you and when that happens, conversations and connection to those people just happens naturally without any effort.
Do you understand what I’m saying?
I used to be active back in highschool , i was in clubs , but still it wasnt all thAT GREAT.and pple sometimes ignored me and i guess i just had aqquantances AND YES I UNDERSTAND YOU , BUT FOR MOST POEPLE THIS WOULD BE A SOLUTION ,BUT I DK IT just Is FOR me .pple have been telling me this all the time , but it just doesnt help for me. I am 19 by the way. it sounds like ur getting annoyed everybody does lol
i meant isnt for me sry typo
I’m not getting annoyed. Don’t even think that. You’re still young. And we all have issues we have to work on.
Everything can be learned. The more you make efforts to improve yourself, the better you become at it. Don’t despair. Keep trying and never give up. Try different things, different activities, different people. You will mature and eventually, this problem that you have will disapear without you even noticing it.
Just keep working at it.
thanks i hope so , but u know im also like that with my family too is that normal ?
You probably have your reasons for being that way with them as well…
It sounds like you are suffering from low self esteem cause I have been to that place of feeling alone and not fitting in (socially ect) the most important thing is to accept yourself for who are and learn to love yourself and try not think to much about what other people think. Just be you and I’m sure everything will be ok! CHIN UP!!
Welcome to the most exclusive club in the world. There are millions of us out there
all in our own personal club. I think I know where you are coming from. I am like that. I really only have one friend who I can feel comfortable with but they have no idea what I go through. All the advice you have got so far is good but reading through it I get the impression that it is all easier said than done. I got professional help for my self esteem and it worked pretty well until someone I cared about knocked me back to square one. I want to meet people and get on with them I just seem to lack the social skills. I find it very uncomfortable trying to start a conversation and I am usually the one sitting at the back listening to everyone else. I find that I am angry and frustrated with myself because of it which seems to feed a vicious circle of low self esteem. Anytime I say something I think should I really have said that or did that make me sound stupid or other negative thoughts like that. Unfortunately there is no easy quick fix. I’ve looked. One thing I found helpful was chat rooms. Nobody knows who you are, they can’t read your body language, they don’t know your history and you can take your time responding to questions so you don’t have that pressure of what do I say now. Also if things get too stressful for you you can just leave without having to make excuses. I think that a lot of the problem is not what people think of you but what you think people are thinking. I know that for me what people think is important. If they say they like me I don’t believe them but if they say they don’t like me, I believe them straight away. Sorry for going on about it but I have had a lot of time to think about it. I know I haven’t given you much to work with but I admire you for posting this problem. I shows you want to help yourself which is good. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Hopefully we’ll see you in the chat room soon.
i mean yes i do have selfesteem isues but i really feel like i just have some mental issues , i dk maybe aspergers im not sure b/c ive never had any rituals or any other symptoms that they say. im just socialy inept and i really hate that nobody believes me but . all i have is my small talk occasionally which made me feel good for a while it im kinda tired of the pple that i hang w/ that i dnt even go out anymore and i hate it feeling like a loser , but i dnt feel like i have control over it , so i am the way i am i guess. i know that its okay to not be popular and i get that but if i just like even a small group of friends that care about me it wuld be okay but i dnt have much of amyhting b/c everyone is just too busy with thier own lives , and and now that over the years i became more and more aware and i realised that i always had this problem , i guess i used to pretend that i had alot of friends , but i really felt that they were just nice and invited me to go out with them i just dnt fit in all that well, and i remember my mom was questioning why i only went out with one person and this really got to me and i was hiding the fact that i just cud not make friends , so i guess i just come off as bieng anti social but im just naturally this way.
The best to try and do in this situation would concentrate on the positive aspects of your self for example. are you a kind, generous, helpful person. what i am trying to say is by looking negitively at yourself will, and does bring you down. At the end of the day YOU know you best and you have to find yourself the person that you are and accept. To be honest I prefer to socialise one on one so don’t think you are alone.
Try taking up a new hobbie or interest and remember just be yourself and people will befriend you and if not then they loose. Im here if you need me!
first of all, if you think you have mental issues there is a 99% chance that you don’t. Secondly I find that people don’t invite people that they don’t like out. Thirdly, we believe you. I went through the blaming my social problems on mental conditions. In my case I thought I was autistic. what kat said is true. the more you look negatively at yourself the more negative things you will find. Think of one positive thing about yourself no matter how small and insignificant it seems. let us know what you come up with.
P.S. I can think of one positive thing already after reading your posts.
I think i have already tried to be positive but its just killed me later on , and i dont know how to be myself . i am just clueless wen it comes to socializing like 9o % percent of the time . and honestly i used to feel so good if i just talked alittle with someone and i just automatically assumed that we were friends. well sometimes pple just felt sorry for me , and what bugs me i feel really deppressed around pple bc everyone is having fun and im not . well i mean i try to be nice i will introduce myself and ask pple how there day was just to get something out of it just basic things , i really thing lack personallity and i hate that i wish i was a different person and i ussually invite myself or u know kind of hint on it only bc i am so bored and i wana feel normal , but i feel akward . I dont feel whole , and i feel empty like i lack humor and i dnt have any stories too tell , and i caint relate on a deeper level? and sometimes i think its all my fault. and i just always feel like i wana cry , and wonder why was i born? what is someing positive about me?
I think im autistic too , but i seem normal , i just want to be able to talk on the phone for hours , laugh joke just enjoy my youth , but i caint and hate myself for that im tired of pple asking me why i dont talk ,its bc i have trouble coming up with topics , im having sucidal thoughts but i dont want to be sent away i dnt think im that crazy so i didnt tell my phycologist , bc she told me that she wud have to report it and at one point my parents and my sister thought that i was going to do it bc i ws holding a bunch of sleeping pills , but i really couldnt do it , honestly bc i was holding them for like 10 min or more. i felt very guilty bc my family obviosly freaked out and then later very upset , but i find myself wishing that i wud just die in my sleep, i mean i am fraid o f death but this way i wudnt know. and what irritates me too is that nothing comes to me like how i still caint get my licence after failing twice so im stuck at home unless someone gives me a ride. i mean pple that are succesful are very sociable and get everyting that they want in life and im not , and this makes extreamly jelous.
Try writing down on a piece of paper all the things you like about yourself and all the things you dont! Then ask yourself why? What things you like to do, play sports or read books. Find people that are into the same interests as you then you will have a basis for meaningful relationships.
To be honest you sound like a nice person you make the effort to ask people how their day was ect. Could it be that your in with the wrong crowd? Contemplating suicide is worrying you maybe at a real dark place and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m thinking your talking about your driving licence that you have failed? KEEP TRYING if you want to pass it badly enough you will. Concentrate on getting this it will be a focus for you and when you do pass it you will feel great!! DONT GIVE UP!
I have no idea if even have a crowd that i fit in too. its obvious that me bieng nice doesnt get me anywhere and i guess it makes me boring
Thats not true. your being to self critical. being nice is your nature and if you try change that you are not being yourself. I totally know where you are coming from you be nice, and on the other hand you feel whats the bloody point!! I have over come that and I hope you will to. Being nice is not a weakness it is in fact a strength and a good quality to have! Remind yourself you are a worthy and nice person!!
I mean i try to be nice , but at times i am not , because it just in my nature , and i mean i just want to be liked , and I dont have fun when i go out, and i still feel very lonely i guess i can never change the way i am. as i said i caint even really start conversation . I am so miserable , and i feel like ive had these social problems my whole life. I just cant stop thinking about all the things i missed out on and wishing that things were different. I mean if i really do have some kind of defect would it go away or maybe get better with time? this makes me have anxiety i feel like i am always gonna be alone , and single and then reach old age i and then die.
Thinking about all the things you think you have missed out on isn’t going to help you overcome your negative thoughts. We all wish things in,our lives had have been different I certainly do!You must not let this get you down. Iam very much alone I could be surrounded by lots of people and still feel on my own. Is there anything wrong in that! You have to just try and accept the way you are and hopefully good things/people will come your way but if not thats ok. Dont spend your life wishing your life/ you were different because you are the way you are and embrace that, that way you get to know yourself better and to accept yourself more. I dont think you have a defect maybe just to self critical!!
thanks i apprecaite the advice. i will definetly work on that, and find some good help , and thanks for caring
glad to have helped and im here if you need me. Chin up!
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