Mathematics + Windows = Nightmare
Mathematics Version 2.12
What’s new in this update?
* Pi now equals exactly 3.
* e now equals exactly 2.
* Fixed problem where division by zero led to undefined results.
* Fixed spelling mistake in description of Pythagorean theorem.
* Various optimisations now mean that all problems can be solved in polynomial time.
* The term “negative number” has been deemed offensive. The term “non-positive non-zero number” is now in use.
* Various optimisations now mean that all problems can be solved in polynomial time.
* Support is no longer offered for Imaginary Number Feature (i).
* Fixed problem where 1 = .999…
* Now compatible with Microsoft products (65536 65535 100000).
* Fixed problem that lead to the Axiom of Choice being undecidable.
* Implemented L’Hopital’s rule for non-indeterminate forms.
* Groups are now required to be abelian; former groups will now be called groupites.
* Fixed the Banach-Tarski cloning glitch.
* Removed the Proof By Contradiction exploit.
* Users may now enter the paradise Cantor created for us for a nominal monthly fee.
* Basic arithmetic is now complete and consistent.
* Fractals have been smoothed out to improve rendering.
* All matrices are now invertible, former matrices are now called matrons.
* Cantor’s dust has been swept from the servers.
* New valid method of proof: Proof by Example.
* All incompleteness theorems are now false. Anything can be proven or disproven.
* The halting problem is decidable.
* Anything can be written as an elementary function if we go far enough in calling something elementary.
* The Riemann Hypothesis is false.
* The Collatz Conjecture is false.
* Calculus now consists of only addition and subtraction.
* Fixed known bug where Fermat’s Last Theorem failed to hold for n=1 or n=2.
* Due to customer complaints about other implementations, the natural numbers now start at -1.
* After a successful beta test in category theory, proof by diagram chasing is now applicable across all of mathematics.
* During extended server downtime, problems will now slowly solve themselves, simulating the progress you would have been making.
* Fixed bug where large cardinals failed to show up in certain models of ZFC.
* Mobius Strip fixed to have two sides.
* Infinity has been nerfed to constant value of 1,000,000.
* Negative numbers now use differently colored numbers to reduce confusion.
* All numbers above 3 are now a suffusion of yellow.
* Subtraction has been removed, however it is still available on special subtraction servers.
* New Axiom: Axiom of Clarity. If after explaining a proof to someone for 5 minutes, if they still do not understand, they may use the Axiom of Clarity to assert the existence of a proof that your proof is invalid.
* In response to demand, elegant proofs of certain theorems have been shortened that they may fit into the margins of books as commentary.
* Research has shown that random numbers along a finite distribution were unfairly biased towards the digit one over other digits. This has been fixed.
* We are proud to unveil a new kind of super-calculus, which requires twenty people to complete even the most rudimentary calculations over a period of hours of collaborative work. We feel this new math will challenge those at the higher-end of the profession.
* New, epic applications of super-calculus have been implemented as well.
* “Proof by Wikipedia” is now a valid form of proof.
* Feature: Uniform probability measure for the real line has been added. Expect support for other spaces in subsequent versions.
* For a small monthly fee, all infinite series can be summed. All users will be allowed to use that 1 + 2 + 3 + … = -1/12 for a trial period of week.
* The math servers are going down soon to make way for the new BioWare math.
* Russell’s Paradox fixed - sets can now include themselves and not include themselves at the same time.
* For usability, numbers of the form a+bi have been made less complex.
* All “maths” not involving numbers has been split off into daughter projects so that Maths 2.1.2 can now fit in one brain.
* Everyone finally understands how abbreviations and number work, and now the singular word “mathematics” is properly abbreviated “math” worldwide.
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