friends help: Rant # 3 - Help.com

Rant # 3

There are two other parts: this has been an insanely long post. Here’s the *summary*, for those wonderful people who didn’t feel like reading all of it:
My best friend and I had a fight over having a grad party, because she wanted to invite a lot of strangers and get drunk… at our other friend’s house. And none of the rest of us wanted to do that. And then she wanted to leave after an hour to hang out with some other friends, except we’re supposed to be a small group of really good friends. And none of the rest of us wanted to go.
Once we started fighting, she said a lot of mean things to me, including calling me a pathetic freak and a wannabe. She’s also begun calling another girl her best friend, without telling me that our friendship of 7 years had ended. She’s always expected that I make everything right for her, and I’ve always tried to, but now she’s telling me that I’ve always been a bad friend.
She accused me of trying to turn all our friends against her, and she said that I’ll eventually “get what you deserve”.
First of all, should I feel bad for not wanting to have this party, at my friend’s house, with alcohol and strangers, since it is after all her grad… and it makes sense to want to have fun?
Second, does it sound like I’ve been being selfish?
Third… is it normal to, at about 2 months to grad, decide you’ve wasted highschool and want to dump all your close friends and make a bunch of new ones?
Fourth: Is it reasonable to expect her to choose between us and these girls she barely talks to, especially at a party that was all her idea to start with?

Thank you SO MUCH for reading all of my ranting.

This open post was written 5 months ago | V/U/S: 154, 5, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Nutmeg may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Nutmeg is a verified member, has been around for 7 months and has 14 posts and 775 replies to their name.

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friends, reading, house, girl, party, Expect, rant, She Said, lot, start (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (5)

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firstlonewolf4 offline Verified User (11 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
Dallas Center, IA, US | 5 months ago (1 day, 5 hours after post)

First– Yes, it makes sense…. but remember there are consequences to all decisions you make, whether they be good or bad.

Second– No

Third–Be careful. Yes its ok to make new friends, but try to keep your old ones. Friends are not something you throw away, they are too… precious… for that. Its alright to find new friends and your old friends should not resent you for that, but make sure not to forget about them in your search for others.

Fourth–I can see both sides for this issue. But I personally would have to say this– Do not make her choose. That is quite possibly the worst thing you can do, as that is the fastest way to end your friendship. You do need to be there for her however. Sooner or later she WILL need you, and you should make sure she knows that you are there for her. But also make her realize that you don’t like the decisions she has been making. Its a fine line, but one that needs to be walked if you want any chance of saving your relationship. It sounds to me like no matter what you say she will continue doing whatever it is she is doing… because of that you should not make her choose. I believe you and I already know how she would choose if forced.

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Nutmeg offline Verified User (7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 22 #
Vancouver, BC, CA | 5 months ago (2 days, 14 hours after post)

:) Thank you. I took your advice, and I told her I was sorry for trying to make her choose. I hadn’t thought of it quite that way before, and you’re right, she WOULD have chosen them… and I would always have regretted it. So I apologized, and she said she was sorry too, and we’re good again, but I’m still trying to make it clear that I disapprove of her choices.
Thank you for saving my friendship :)

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jefkilpatric changed the tags on this post: they were "friends, reading, house, girl, party, Expect, rant, She Said, lot, start" 5 months ago.

Help me with: what happens when it all comes to a gring halt?
firstlonewolf4 offline Verified User (11 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
Dallas Center, IA, US | 4 months, 4 weeks ago (4 days, 7 hours after post)

Your welcome^^.
If you ever need anything or want to rant at all just let me know, I’ll listen^^
And good luck with your friend, I hope she realizes the mistakes that are being made

~Shawn

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