Love help: I am at the end of my rope. - Help.com

Don’t use the man to solve your financial problems, that is not fair. He won’t be able to stop his addiction until HE wants to. That being said, I would try to talk to him one last time, tell him you want him to leave if things don’t change. I know this doesn’t help much but you only have 3 options in my opinion

1. Talk to him, see if it changes, don’t give him forever to change
2. Let him stay and live with it
3. Tell him to go and move on with your life, get a room-mate

Your married to this man and so you must have been for atleast a few years. You say you are at the end of your rope and I think that is exactly where you are. Your life will never improve where you are now, so start packing and get out while you still can. You are still strong enough to do this or you wouldn’t be here asking for help. Don’t worry financially, it may be a far better thing to struggle with that than staying in that dark cave and suffering. Start reading the jobs columns. Start reading the flats to let columns and start talking to any friends you have and maybe they could put you up for a short time. Also, I have read on this site that the church can help you out, so try there. Just go and talk to them and see if they can or not. I am sure someone else will be able to guide you on where to get help. I am not from your country so I don’t understand what is in place for people just like you, but there must be a shelter for you to go.
You could, I am fairly sure, pop down to your local police station and ask if they have information on where you can get help in leaving your home. Are there any children? They need to be taken away as well as their wellfare must come first.
If you can stop with a friend for a few nights, this will give you the chance to find out about all these things. Go today, don’t stop to look back, you need to put your life on track. DO youself a BIG favour and get yourself this respite. You deserve better and I think you are ready to take the plunge into a better future.
I know you think you have a hundred and one reasons to stay and they are just falsehoods, your kidding yourself. Let us know how you are getting on.

Yes, You can do something about it.Even if it means becoming homeless,it’s better than the position your in.What do you do? Anything other than stay

Am I missing the obvious - why do you have to leave - you are married - he’s the one who should be in rehab not left in comfort whilst you wander the streets. Kick him out, change the locks and get a restraining order if he bothers you. You have put up with enough. Of course you still love him a bit but you know that your love isnt helping him. In that respect you are wise. Dont make yourself homeless - time he hit rock bottom - not you

mas Is right.I guess I just assumed you will not or cannot kick him out.So it depends on your position and choices.

And furthermore — he married you - it’s not your fault so he is going to have to help you with expenses until you get a room mate or a smaller place - do you have room for a room mate?

Be very careful. I agree with mas1s you should kick him out, but it may not be that easy and we don’t know if your husband is a violent man before, during or after he has abused drugs and alcohol. Drug abusers over time become aggressive so this might be the case.
If you have friends to stay with you and he goes out a lot, then get someone round to change the locks and place his things in suitcases in the garden or take them round to his mum’s if he has one still. I wouldn’t take this action unless you know your husband well and you have a good friend or two to stay with you for a while.
Be prepared for some fall out like getting your windows smashed and have something ready to board them up quickly and effectively.
Are any of these things possible that have been suggested by everyone?

If you rent an apartment, make your life easier, and leave. If he comes home to changed locks ect, it will only agitate him and it’s just not worth it. Your friends and family will understand, a great first step to regaining control of your life is to finally admit to your loved ones how hard your life has been. crash with them until you find a job and rent a little studio. The material things are unimportant, your sanity is. Good luck to you and remeber you owe him nothing

Have you thought about any of these suggestions? Please get back to us here on help.com if you can do so safely.