life help: Hello, My boyfriend has been hospitalized twice for pancreatitus - Help.com

He said he has always drank even when he was young, he says he just likes the buzz, while he was not drinking he was taking prescription drugs (without a prescription)
he is 42, he WILL NOT go get help. So where does that leave me?

He does not
want help believe me I have tried he will not talk to anyone he wants no part of any kind of help.

The bad thing is that there is nothing you can do to make him change he has to want to. My dad was heroine junkie on the streets for 9 years. When he got out of the hospital the last time I took him in and repacked his sores and nursed him back to health and thought maybe this is what he needed to get back. After he got better he left my house when I was at work and I didnt here anything from him until he sent me a letter from prison. It has been a long hard road and now he is putting his life back together. My suggestion is unless you are willing, truly willing, to live in emotional pain then you really need to leave. It is hard for me to suggest this but it is true.

Also Unchangeable you cannot force anyone to do anything. I got violent with my dad and made him stay a little while but nothing changed him until he wanted to change. Tell a woman to force a drunk to do anything and you are asking her to take one for the team. Not a guarantee but that is a very dangerous situation.

jheezy, I feel helpless I want him to stop but at the same time I want out I sttod by him the first time he went into the hospital again the second time, tried to understand whe he started taking pain meds because they helped him cope but I can’t keep putting him before me and yeah he only took a couple drinks but that is how the ball gets rooling again isn’t it? He has only been out of the hospital for 2 months and he was there because of the damage that drinking has done to his pancreas. I am tired and I feel like I have to babysit him I worry all the time everyday I try and figure out has he been drinking? How many pills did he take today it is exhausting!

Hardest thing for you to do would be to leave him. But that is the best thing that you can do for yourself. You don’t want to try and help him more and then finally come to the realization that he doesnt want the help. It is a dificult road but you have to be strong for yourself before all else. If you fear for his safety if you leave remember that you are given one life to live so it is near immpossible to livehis as well. I hope I can help, it is truly a dificult situation. Main thing is think about yourself and your family and any that love you and truly you. Also you do not want to enable him. Also I left my Dad alone and wouldn’t help him, it was very hard but it was harder on myself to watch him killing himself. If I continued to enable him and he passed away I would feel the utmost guilt and that is not fair. Think about yourself and your future and your needs.

THe problem is he lives with his mother and she enables him and then blames me for his addiction, the doc told him the last time he was in the hospital if he did not stop drinking he would die! Here we are 2 months later and he has started again, am I wrong in thinking that now that he is drinking he will be right back to drinking everyday before long or is there a chance thta he can control it this time?

Leave. It’d be best for your health, and hell, it might provide him with an incentive to stop drinking. It’s either that or stay with him and watch him die.

I have not know any addict that can just dabble without eventually getting back into saddle. If he lives with his mom and she enables him then there really is nothing for you to do. You should leave and focus on yourself.

Do you want any kids you may have live in the same situation? There are multiple things you should consider and they all point for you to exit the relationship. If you are scared about leaving that is expected. But you need to remember that you control only you and you deserve to be happy.

It is time for you to make up your mind. Do I stay with this addict or do I go. You say hism mother is an enabler but you are to. Either make up your mind to stay in the mess or get out. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. Move on. and love him from afar. He has made his choice.

That is what I thought I can’t keep living this way I am not getting any where, I have 3 kids from my my ex husband, he has 3 kids from his ex wife, so there will be no kids for us together. His mom is the classic enabler she does EVERYTHING for him
it is crazy!! I am not scared to leave really I love him and I wish things could be different but it is not looking like they can be. I am just very confused I don’t understand addiction at all so I am really confused as to why someone would con tinue to do something they know is killing them!

Yeah, addiction is difficult for someone who hasn’t gone through it to understand. I hate to sound clichéd, but he’s gonna have to hit bottom before he decides to get help. If he wants it.
Why is he living with his mother at 42?

he lives with his mom because he got a divorce so he needed a place to live it has been 2 years

Has anyone truly been able to force an addict to change?? Come on that is bad advise. You are giving someone false hope by saying that they have control over the situation which in fact the only person in control is the addict. This comes from someone who has been through it. If she believes in her ability to force the change when she is unable she will blame herself and feel worse than she does now. Please help with truly helpful information.

I find that I am constantly worring about him whether or not he is drinking and if he is drinking did he also take those pain pills ( bad mix ) I know there is no way I can make him quit drinking if a doctor telling him if he continues to drink he will die does not work there is nothing I can do that much I do know after that I got nothing!

If you are at that realization then the next step would be for you to move on to another healthy relationship. It doesnt matter who with. Start by making your relationship with yourself your main focus. In time everything gets better.

Forsay if you have read previous posts then you would know that I have much experience. Congratulations if you have that much power with which you are able to force someone to change. That is a rare talent and you should help a lot of people. You suggesting that she not leave the relationship due to a problem is hasty. Really think about her problem and say that she should tough it out. He has already been told he is going to die if he doesn’t change, and he already has proven that he will not. Look past the idealistic views and imagine how she is going to feel in the future months maybe years. It is cruel to advise someone to put themselves through so much pain. Plus add in his mother which he lives with and she is fighting a losing battle. Have you ever been to an AA or NA meeting? Alanon or Alateen? If you have then you would know that you cannot force an addict to change. If you succeeded with your sister then that is awesome and congrats.

Believe me I have tried to help him I have NO power where that is concerned I love him and have stood by him but at some point I also have to think of me and my kids is this the kind of enviroment they need to be in I don’t think do. He is an addict and until HE wants to change I can turn myself inside out trying to help him and it won’t work!!!