Love help: This is an addition to Xeno’s post: http://help.com/post/160266-the-second-coming-of-xeno-dragon - Help.com

This is an addition to Xeno’s post: http://help.com/post/160266-the-second-coming-of-xeno-dragon

My story starts out a little differently. I’m skipping all the sappy dramatic crap, since it really isn’t relevant. I had recently obtained a new frame of mind. I decided that I was going after everything this world had to offer, all or nothing, and that the world was mine for the taking. I started making a better life for myself a better; I took greater risks, and tried to make sure that I was not only making those around me happier, but also myself as well. In my senior year of college I went all out. I joined a sorority that had been after me to join for quite some time, mostly because I was friends with just about everyone in it. I held my first office position in a club; I bulked up my resume, and decided to work for a harder degree. Everything was falling into place. I couldn’t help but think that things were just about perfect when I fell in love with a good friend of mine.

If you would have asked me a few months ago, I would have said that this was the perfect ending I had been waiting for. It was the first time I ever felt true love, love that was completely reciprocated, love that I had waited for, for so long. It couldn’t have been more unfortunate that it began dwindle into everything that I had known from before.

Suddenly my ideal situation turned into complete frustration and confusion. I became the only one working in the relationship. I was being taken for granted, the communication was one sided, and I was mad more than I was happy. There were so many fights because he didn’t make time for me, there were so many things I deserved that I never received, there was so much I was begging for, including the emotional openings necessary to achieve the best levels of a relationship, that were just nonexistent.

“Beware the ides of March.” This is when things started to take a turn for the worst. At the beginning of the month, an old flame whom I’d dated the summer before, decided it was time to pop back into my life. I remember the date, for some odd reason. It was March 10th. He called wanting me back, he told me he’d do anything he could, he had finally changed his life and it was all because of me. He changed his life from being an alcoholic, an abusive alcoholic, something that I saw firsthand. There was no way I was going back, but it managed to conjure up many feelings that I wanted to keep securely in my past.

It was less than a week later that my relationship took the biggest turn for the worse yet. I was walking down the hall after class when I heard my boyfriend talking about me, openly to a few people in his class. I became instantly upset, gave him a look of pain and ran out of the building crying. I was trying to make my way across campus without any one seeing me cry and I remember how mortified I was. Of course getting all the way to the other side of campus without being seen was impossible, but as one of my sisters tried to stop me I just walked faster to an empty parking lot. Two minutes after I left the building a friend of mine called and said that she had also heard him talking about me. Well that was it. I called and demanded that he stop. I yelled and cried as I tried to explain myself…he only hung up on me. He came by later, and explained he was only talking about something that happened and asking for relationship advice from his friends (that’s fine, and in fact healthy, but it never should have been done in a public hallway). The part that killed me was that he could look at me in so much pain, and not stop. That he could continue to do something that he knew hurt me and not come after me to take care of me. I was in total distress.

I read Xeno’s post on his birthday. I remember thinking to myself that if anyone deserved it was certainly NOT Xeno. I have been on Help since last August, answering a few posts a day, alternating it with being the crisis hotline for good friends and sisters ( I’ve been the advice girl ever since 9th grade, it was something I willingly fell into ). I saw that Xeno had dedicated himself to Help, and I knew how much he had to offer others. I knew I had to at least try to help make the situation a little better. We began talking on the phone one night, about the current situation with his roommates, the classes I was taking, his life in Arizona, and each and everything in between. The first night we talked for 4 hours, the next night 5, by the fourth night we realized that there was something there, something big. We understood each other on so many views, had so many of the same ideas, and began to realize exactly how perfectly our lives had intertwined. I broke up with the boy I had been seeing a week later. Xeno and I both realized that our hearts were both in the same place, and that was with each other. It became official as I came out to Arizona to take the biggest risk that ever presented itself in my life. My dream for four years had been to come out to Arizona, and… well… you get the picture. So here I am, roughly 2500 miles away from my hometown, sitting next to Xeno. I plan to move out here as soon as possible, hopefully in about a month’s time to fill in the extra space left by his old roommates.

Did you ever feel like you’d spend the rest of your life regretting a chance not taken? That’s this, and there wasn’t anything that could have stopped me from getting here.

This open post was written 1 year, 6 months ago | V/U/S: 398, 18, 9 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

arizona, friends, Love, Boy, life, Risk, Month, march, Week, Year (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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