marriage help: On the outside, I look happy so I am afraid I can’t get help dealing with depression. - Help.com

On the outside, I look happy so I am afraid I can’t get help dealing with depression.

Sometimes I am so unhappy with who I am I can hardly stand myself. But I guess I hide it really well, no one who knows me would think I am depressed. But right now for instance, I am just pacing around the house, almost in a panic, because I had an argument with my husband who said some really mean things to me. I feel so worthless. Like I can’t seem to do anything right. Like I am completely unneccesary, unlovable, unworthy, you name it. The more I think about it, the worse I feel about myself. My doctor thinks I am as happy as can be because I don’t tell her that I have a HUGE problem. I think she won’t believe me or understand. Can anyone help guide me here or offer any advice on how to feel better?

This open post was written 3 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 217, 10, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post joy may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. joy is a verified member, has been around for 3 months, 3 weeks and has 1 posts and 7 replies to their name.

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HelpBot offline Verified User (0 minutes) Shouts: 10 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (0 minutes after post)

If you are contemplating suicide, hurting yourself, or you are seriously depressed: please, seek professional help!

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Anonymous #
3 months, 3 weeks ago (19 minutes after post)

Try homeopathic medicine…like herbs and natural things.

I’ve just started using kavakava tea yesterday, and to be completely honest its VERY effective. I’m really not exaggerating. Its just as good (for me) as prescription drugs. Its some powerful stuff. Try it out.

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joy offline Verified User (3 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (21 minutes after post)

Thanks for replying. I really appreciate the help. This hurts.

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Anonymous #
3 months, 3 weeks ago (36 minutes after post)

You should tell your doctor also. Talking to someone who isnt emotionally involved helps. Is your husband the one who makes you feel these ways?

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chev.jame offline Verified User (4 months, 4 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 27 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (38 minutes after post)

You cannot base your actions on how you “feel.” Nothing would get done by anyone if we all just acted on how we “felt.” I have a 500-mile drive tomorrow, and just completed a 500-mile drive today. I don’t “feel” like driving all those miles, but I’m gonna get up, have some breakfast in this Holiday Inn, and DO it! Oh, yeah. Your husband needs to stop saying mean things to you. That kind of stuff just doesn’t work. You need to sit down and talk about expectations in a NON-threatening atmosphere, and it might take a marriage counselor at this point. But, yes, he has a right ot feel ticked off if you’re sitting at home like a vegetable all day long. But, no, saying mean things to you doesn’t act as a motivator. You need reassurance and support. I was once married to someone who could never approach me in a loving way about anything–the only “behaviors” she knew were hostility and cold, silent resentment. Well, that stuff becomes ineffective in short order and resentment is not a tool for change. Here’s something to think about: we develop self-discipline to carry us through the tasks of those days that we aren’t brimming over with motivation. No one wants to change a dirty diaper–you’ll never “feel” like you want to, but you know it has to be done, so you do it! Yes, see a therapist, and see a marriage counselor. You’re a good person, and you just need a little help getting out of this “rut.” And, yes, you can do it–and you must!

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joy offline Verified User (3 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (41 minutes after post)

Most of the time. He’s a really great guy, but he gets very mad at me a lot. Nothing physical ever, just mean nasty words to be hurtful. No apologies ever. Today it was about cleaning the stupid garage. I only have this one set of shelves and I had to get rid of a lot small appliances and things to make room. I had a bad attitude, I admitted it to him and apologized. But he told me to get the hell out, used the F word a bunch. I hate that. I just want to feel loved and that’s hard when your husband acts like he hates you sometimes. Then I think it trickles down to I can’t do right at home, with the kids, at work, etc….

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Anonymous #
3 months, 3 weeks ago (48 minutes after post)

Have you tried talking to him about the way you feel? Sometimes the other person doesnt know they are hurting the one they love. No matter what, counseling would be good for the both of you

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auto16520 offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 50 minutes after post)

****. John’s wort, fish oil capsules, Sam-e are all over the counter remedies for dealing with depression. Exercise also helps.

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apollo offline Verified User (5 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
San Francisco, CA, US | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (14 hours, 13 minutes after post)

Go see a therapist. They’ll tell you that depressed people look like anybody. Sometimes, it happens to perky, beautiful people and they need help. A professional psychologist has helped many other people with your problem and can lend perspective that you wouldn’t be able to come up with yourself. And they’ll give you tools for dealing with your husband, who really needs to take some anger management classes.

I hope sincerely that he doesn’t flip out in the grocery line when some big guy is a little slower than he’d like.

Good luck, joy. Go see a therapist and get your groove back, baby.

joy offline Verified User (3 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 3 weeks ago (14 hours, 26 minutes after post)

Thanks so much. Your words are really encouraging and let me know there’s hope. I just found this site by accident last night, just googled the word “help”, hoping that I would find some and I found that and so much more. This is an amazing site and I feel so lucky to have found it.

I am definitely going to follow your advice. I’ve wanted to get professional help for a long time but I’ve been to afraid that no one would believe me or that I couldn’t put it into words right, or worst of all, find out that I am beyond help. I guess it’s something you just have to jump in and do. Thanks again to everyone who responded to me, someone they don’t even know, just to help me. The world is so much better because of people like you.

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