Love help: HELP PLEASE! - Help.com

A better question would be “Why on Earth should I stay with him”?

He does not sound like the type of person you should be spending your time with! You need someone who appreciates you, and maybe he WILL realize what he has with a little break. Even if you miss him- there arep lenty of other fish in the sea and you might find the right guy who treats you better, I’d say go on a indefinite break.

if your family doesn’t like him then that might be a sign that maybe your being blinded by what you think is love. If you aren’t sure about whether or not to get rid of him take a step back and look at him through fresh eyes.

This guy sounds like a jerk. idk why it would be so “awkward” to make plans with you if he says he loved you. KI know guys have that cliche thing “bros before hos” but, i mean, really. if he loved you thatmuch, he wouldnt be such a downer. relationships like so are supposed to be based around friendship, so why would he choose his lover and friend over just his friends? i think your friend is right, and that no matter what he says, take a break. if nothing comes out better in the end, then you are better off without him.

maybe hes just a little scared of everything, like being with you and in love and stuff. sometimes its easier on us guys to just go have a laugh with our mates, and actually sit there missing you (we do, do that), while all our mates are enjoying themselves.
but maybe hes just no the one for you also? it may just be a timing thing?!
if you are sure of the love, the love is true.
or some quote like that, cant remember whom. goodluck!

Mothers are always right.. we don’t like to admit it, but they are.

we’ve been on a break before,
he didnt change.

sounds like you know what you should be doing, but you’re just waiting for someone to give you permission to do it. The basic fear of letting this relationship go is that you wouldn’t be able to find anyone else, or anyone better. That you don’t deserve better. I’m here to tell you that you CAN find someone WAY better, and you deserve better.
We teach people how to treat us. I love that old saying, ‘no one can climb on your back unless you bend over” By allowing this treatment from him is the same as saying that it’s ok with you, you’ll take it.
I also feel it’s best to beleive that you’re mother has your best interest at heart. You KNOW she loves you,…this guy I’m not so sure.

It seems to me you’re not feeling good anyway, even though you’re with him… and yes, if you don’t take a stand and say “this is not good enough”, it seems he will continue to treat you like a doormat. Do you really want that anyway? I know it hurts to think you could lose him, but on the other hand he’s not really making a good relationship with you anyway. He MAY have to realize that he could lose you in order to wake up and start making an effort to treat you decently!!! But it seems obvious that if he can get away with this (and he is), he will only continue till you draw the line. You deserve a better relationship than this, you know you do. Just make sure he understands exactly what you can’t put up with anymore…. being stood up, seeing you at his convenience only, not showing any concern and respect for your needs in a relationship, and that you want more than just “I love you’s” …. love is an action, and it comes through in the way he treats you. He will either decide you’re worth the effort and ask you to forgive him, or he won’t…. but if he doesn’t want to change, you truly can’t be happy living that way. You DO deserve a decent relationship, and there is a guy out there who would do that for you. Yes, it would hurt for awhile though.

Maybe he just doesn’t have the maturity yet to want to make a relationship work. Any good relationship takes work and consideration of the other person’s happiness in the relationship too….always!! He seems to be pretty selfish.

he is to be honest.
it just hurts because i will miss all the little things he does that i adore.
when hes amazing, he’s REALLY AMAZING.
however, thats only when im actually with him,
which isnt very often anymore.

blindedbythelights_ wrote:
he is to be honest.
it just hurts because i will miss all the little things he does that i adore.
when hes amazing, he’s REALLY AMAZING.
however, thats only when im actually with him,
which isnt very often anymore.

i know what you mean. im having the same problem right now. only i feel apart from him when im actually with him. it is one of the worst feelings, to be with the one you love and not feel love for them. i think it wood be good if you ended this before it got that bad. trust me. it will be okay.

I think you should just try to tell him that you need more from the relationship… and more consideration too…. just tell it from the heart. You love how he is when you’re together, but the rest of it is not very fair to you… you feel like you’re being treated like a doormat the rest of the time and he doesn’t consider your feelings and what you need in the relationship. You shouldn’t be put last!!

the whole talking to him thing is a lost cause.
everyone tells me i should talk to him
but i have done so many times there’s just no point anymore.
i gave him a month to change and that was only about a week ago,
but tbh, i just feel like its not going to work.
it seemed to start to work at the beginning but now he’s started to slip back into his old ways.
i think hes too immature to be in a relationship like this
he comes from a very, er, lets sa ‘common’ background and he’s never seen a proper relationship and watched it to learn from it.
he has 4 brothers and sisters by 3 different dads,
so he’s never really had a role model relationship to learn from, if you know what i mean.

Yeah, it’s a shame he has no role model… but still it seems like if you spell it out for him exactly what you need, he should be willing to try. You know, he probably just doesn’t believe you’ll really leave him at this point anyway… and he’s just lazy about it because so far he gets away with being the way he is and just getting his way about everything. Sometimes a person really has to lose someone in order to get the message I think…

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you will ever be happy with things as they are now… as much as you want it to work. He has to make changes, and he may not do it anyway… at least not till he matures a bit more and learns some hard lessons. I wouldn’t call it a “break” or a “warning” or anything else at this point… tell him you just can’t continue this way because you’re feeling bad in this relationship, and you’ve tried to tell him and it’s beginning to seem hopeless. Tell him you feel you deserve more from a relationship, but he doesn’t seem to be serious about fixing things so far. As much as you love him, he has to do his part or it just can’t work…. so if this doesn’t get through to him, maybe it’s just not meant to be right now. Sometimes timing is everything. Hopefully he’ll get it…someday.

oh my god …..my dear friend i was in similar situation at a similar time in my realtionship and iam still in that relationship and now i hav got to a stage that i hav been thinking to kill myself my only diffrence from ur situation was he gave me too much time infact he took all my time he did not give me a chance to think or spend my time with others but somhow ur boy freind and mine seems similar believe me if there is no respcet in ur love and he does not treat u well its not worth it ur young and so precious u will find so much love in life and it happens there will that somone special for u who will treat u the way u shud b treated….. i starve for that now love is there but i feel horrible iam depressed and angry i cant explain what iam going thru read my full story if u like and than u will know…

my sincere advice to as i hav been thru somthing similiar and iam trying to break up now ur in a bit better situation atleast ur not scared of him so break up with him asap and hav a normal life its all abt getting use to i am sure it will hurt too much …even a thought of leaving my boyfreind makes me cry but i have to do it to save my life….so go ahead and if he really loves u and he wants to give u the best he wil come back to u and if he dont he was never meant to be the right one…
alot of people hav given really good advice here so do think and be careful and be safe…take care

you know what i really thing it is the timing thing.
i quite college last year, and im going back in september but im a year behind, going in with people a year younger than me.
and i think he subconciously had something to do with that
i dont want a relationship to get in the way of what i have later in life,
i do love him so much
im really nervous
but he’s at the age where he wants to chill with his mates and not have any worries or commitments,
and in all fairness, there’s nothing wrong with that, most 17 and 18 year olds want to have fun with their friends, but he cant have both…

Sounds like you really may have outgrown him…

dump his ***! if he doesnt treat you right he doesnt deserve you. ive been in my fair share of relationships and if he doesnt treat you right you shouldnt stay with him.

we broke up.
and ive never felt so **** in my life.

Yeah, there’s no way around the hurt…. it always hurts to end a relationship, even when it’s for the best and it was making you feel sad more than good. You’ll get through this. Just keep perspective and remind yourself that you were not happy with things this way…. there’s someone else out there for you. He may have a lot of great qualities but he wasn’t good at putting an effort into a relationship or caring about your feelings. There’s something out there that will work better for you…. just give yourself time to get over this for awhile… you need to adjust to NOT being with him, but you’ll get through it and you’ll be free to find something better, and someone who wants all the things you want out of a relationship.

yeah
well
i cired myself to sleep last niht
and then this morning i woke up and didnt feel as bad as i thought i would.
i think im just going to keep telling myself
it was inevitable.
because when i suggested it, he told me he was thinking the exact same thing..

I once had a guy sort of like that… and that’s what he’d do when I tried to break up, he’d just agree it was a good idea. He was sort of calling my bluff I think, and he’d just agree with whatever I was feeling… sort of reverse psychology. That’s how he’d deal with my break-ups. We went through that whole on again/off again thing. But no matter what, whether he really wants to break up or not, the truth is it’s probably what’s best for you. Don’t settle for “unhappiness”… you deserve to have your needs met in a relationship too, so why be “with” someone, yet unhappy with how they treat you.

Be strong… you will get past the sadness and pain, I promise. It’s disappointing when the other person just won’t do their part to make the relationship work out, as much as you wish it could. You will meet someone who’s on the same “level” as you are as far as a relationship.

cattail is right there is no way around the hurt.