Love help: can ex boyfriends ever really become friends?

rach_07

can ex boyfriends ever really become friends?

my ex and i split up 14 months ago and it was unexpected on my part, i definitely did not see it coming.and his reason was that he wanted space, had other priorities at that time in his life, blah di blah. it hurt, but i dealt with it in my own way. it was 2 months later when i found out he was back with an ex of his (who also happened to have more baggage than terminal 5 at heathrow!)… so anger rose inside me. how could he finish with me for space then take on all her problems! but anywho long story short, things turned sour we argued, threw things in each others faces, said things we shouldnt and that was that!
then i went to spain on a one way ticket (not becuase of him i hasten to add, just because i wanted to get away for a while!)
ended up settling living and working over there, during which time we got talking via email , resolved a lot of issues as my temper had calmed down and stayed friendly. i came home in january this year and we text each other a bit, there was talk of meeting up several times (platonically) but nothing ever came of it, i just thought it wasnt gonna happen and that was that.
last weekend however we were texting and decided to meet up for a few drinks so he came over to mine, bearing in mind the last time i saw him was well over a year ago and at the time i just wanted to punch him! so nervous anticipation was in the air but i neednt have worried, once he came over we had a laugh a great catch up and a few nostalgic moments.
which was fine. then i started thinking about things and i debated whether i could just be his friend. i had strong feelings for this guy and i still think to this day he wasnt aware of how much he hurt me.
but anywaysssss the baggage woman i mentioned earlier is still kind of on the scene (theyve been on/off for months - currently off), and i dont want to get hurt again, but i think if theres a chance of a friendship with a guy i get on really well with i should take it? my friends think im crazy and that itll end in tears. at the weekend there i was up at his house we had a few drinks and i ended up crashing at his - nothing happened at all it was perfectly innocent…. but i dont know if i can settle with that. do i not be friends and throw away a great friendship or do i give it a go at the risk of getting hurt? help!!

This open post was written 1 year, 6 months ago | V/U/S: 1,497, 17, 10 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post rach_07 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. rach_07 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 6 months and has 1 posts and 9 replies to their name.

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friends, friendship, Space, drink, Blah, Weekend, guy, text, talk, Great, ex boyfriends, Love, heartbreak (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Powder Monkey 0 #
Hicksville, NY, US | 1 year, 6 months ago (2 minutes after post)

I would hope so, I broke up with a girl and still try to be friends.

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ayc 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (8 minutes after post)

trying to be friends is the best way i guess. there are numorous reasons why you liked them in the first place, obviously. that is worth something.
but to be honest, sometimes, the complete break is kinda important, for your own healing. it helps you get over things better, even when people end up hating other people irrationally (thats the healing, sounds bad, but kinda healing for the person in question). tough one. i wish you luck.
from a lifetime of it, i kinda wish sometimes i wasn’t so rational like me friends.
they get over it better than i do. but i always say, atleast i still have a friend there, even if it hurts like crazy.

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ambrutellow 4 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (9 minutes after post)

I’m not sure that it is possible unless all old feelings are gone. You obviously still have feelings for him and you cannot be great friends with him if him having a girlfriend will hurt you.

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rach_07 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (15 minutes after post)

i value friendship though and i think if uve got enough in common with someone and get on with them a real connection is hard to find, and after everything weve been through and not seeing him for over a year i was still able to be so normal with him, chill out, relax, laugh and enjoy his company, and yes i still have feelings for him i will hold my hands up and admit that, but at the same time ive moved on as has he and id rather he wasnt with me but was happy, than he stayed with me and was miserable.
at the moment its just hard establishing boundaries, not even with him just with myself (and not just physical ones but emotional)
and how much contact with him is too much lol?

Samwise 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (25 minutes after post)

depends on what kind of person you are. i have friends who are friends with their ex’s. i personally cut my contact off with people who don’t work out and move on with my life completely. it just depends.

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marshmelow 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (57 minutes after post)

of course it’s possible to be friends with your ex. except when another girl comes in and wants him. that would maybe make you a little jealous. if you still have feelings for him, you should just let it out and tell him.

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rach_07 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (58 minutes after post)

i cant tell him lol, i have a fear of rejection at the best of times let alone where hes concerned. that and i am content just being friends. but ur rite, there would definitely be an element of jealousy when another girl comes along, but only because , as the friend, ill be sidelined and my time with him will be sacrificed to make way for her!

marshmelow 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 hour, 7 minutes after post)

do you think he still has tiny feelings for you? have you ever thought of making him jealous? i mean, i know it’s wrong to use people, but maybe it could make him a little jealous.

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rach_07 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 hour, 9 minutes after post)

he doesnt show emotion easily so even if he did still have feelings or i was to make him jealous, id never know, hed make sure of that lol, and i dont want to play games we’re beyond that! to be honest i dont think he does have feelings for me, not in that way, which i would be ok with in the long run, i just have to get used to these new boundaries and having a friendship instead of the relationship i once had with him, easier said than done tho!

marshmelow 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 hour, 13 minutes after post)

how do you feel about this? do you feel sad, mad, jealous, ect. I would just say can we at least be friends and if he says no then get it over with. it’s the past.

Help me with: What do you do when you feel like you don’t have any friends?

rach_07 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 hour, 15 minutes after post)

i feel a bit sad because i did at one time have very strong feelings for him.
we are giving the whole friends thing a go, we have hung out together the last couple of weekends and its going well, just hard to get used to. after all before a couple of weeks ago i hadnt even seen him in over a year, so even having him bac in my life is strange.

marshmelow 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 hour, 17 minutes after post)

did you ever thought of having a new bf? or do just want to forget about relationships?

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Ryan_8 14 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (2 hours, 42 minutes after post)

well by what you said it sort of sounds as if you want to be a little more than friends deep down inside. I see nothing wrong with being casual friends, but if you ever want to move on then i don’t think your new boyfriend would like him being close to you. I would really consider this before you make your decision because one false move could cause another heart break.

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chloe_trus #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 week, 3 days after post)

well i want to be friends with my ex but now he hates me thats what happends with all my ex’s they love me then i there wearst enimy

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xfoxracingchica #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 4 months ago (2 months after post)

I know exactly what it’s like. My ex broke up with me unexpectedly two weeks ago and now he’s totally over me. He told me he could tell me to my face that he no longer had any feelings for me. Totally breaking my heart, and now he wants to be my friend. I don’t know that I can do that. My best advice is tell him that you’re not sure what’s going on and he needs to figure it out for himself before anything can happen. I know it’s a lot harder than it sounds, but it’s something that needs to be done.

My ex told me that he broke up with me because he didn’t want to be attached for college. I love him so much I don’t know how to go on without him, but I’ll learn. I suggest you do the same. Try to go one without him.

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amm7770 #
An Unknown Location | 7 months ago (11 months, 2 weeks after post)

If he hurt you before, he will hurt you again.
I think if you bear this in mind, then you wont venture into the relationship.
If you don’t think you can have him as a friend and want more and the ex is on the scene, then its better to move on and find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. You wont be happy with this guy, you will always be wondering about his ex and if its off and you get back with him, after a while he may decide he wants to be with her and end up dumping you again!

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scattykare 0 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months ago (1 year, 1 month after post)

omg I am in the same situation right now, I have strong feelings for him still tho and he has none, or does not show he has…. was doing well and being on my own for three months, then he rings, saying he misses my friendship and wants me in his life, and I fell for it, round his the next morning, partying on the saturday, then stayed at his, and yes it happened and then he says oh no im giving out the wrong messages, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yeah kinda. Miss him when I don’t see him, wonder what he’s doing and who with. I should get out shouldn’t I?

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