depression help: Is it weird for part of me to welcome depression because it’s comforting and familiar? - Help.com

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No, it is depressing.

Deppression is never comforting. Unless you like to be miserable. Familiar? Yes. If you have been deppressed before and know what it feels like.

That is part of depression, it’s the bodies natural grasp at survival…to withdraw into safety. Why do you enjoy the comfort of it?

Deppression is never comforting! Is like living with somebody who abuses you physically and mentally and you keep on going back to them because “it’s comforting to be abused.” I don’t think so.

No, there is comfort in what we know.

I don’t know really. I guess you could say I had been depressed for the last couple of years and was really negative but for some reason I all of a sudden got positive about my exams at the moment, but I can’t seem to be positive anywhere else and I feel like I’m digging myself back into the hole of being negative and beating myself up. But it’s familiar so it’s comforting in a way. I’m not saying I want to be like this but it’s just so familiar at the minute that I’m kind of clinging to it. I know it’s bad but I can’t help it.

The_Alice wrote:
No, there is comfort in what we know.

How can there be comfort in what you know? You know you feel miserable. You know you don’t want anyone around you. You know you sometimes want to hurt yourself. You know that sometimes you want to hurt others. You know that people shy away from you because you are deppressed. How can any of that be comforting?

It’s comforting because it’s familiar, not because you know what is happening is good.

It is raining, it is dark and gloomy, but my comforter is warm and dry, comforting and familiar, but then again I love the rain, I walk in it and see it glisten on my eyelashes, it is familiar, it is comforting, I love the dark it beckons me…..

This post is deppressing me!

littlenick wrote:
This post is deppressing me!

Aw littlenick, lighten up:)

I’m sorry you feel that way but I just wanted help! You don’t have to be on this post if you don’t want to … all i wanted was help.

it comforting because trying to get happy again takes way too much work and you are miserable when you try, so you figure its the same either way and theres no way to fix it.

I did not mean it in a bad way. I just meant that I am trying the right words to tell you and I don’t seem to find them.

peaceandgle wrote:
it comforting because trying to get happy again takes way too much work and you are miserable when you try, so you figure its the same either way and theres no way to fix it.

You’ve got that right!

littlenick wrote:
I did not mean it in a bad way. I just meant that I am trying the right words to tell you and I don’t seem to find them.

I know, I’m sure you’ll find the words eventually. Lets face it, the way I feel isn’t normal, I know it, everyone else knows it but I can’t think of a solution so it’s easier just to carry on the way I am.

Do you have anyone who you can speak with? If you’ve been depressed for two years it must be difficult not to sink into it’s comfort, think of how much you value the feelings you have aside from depressed, like when you were positive about your exams. these feelings get so much better, when you live through life ‘normally’ it’s shocking when you look at how you were and trust me it is worth fighting for…

Pesimists on average die 7 years before optimists. I find this quite funny. it’s utterly typical.
Having a name for what your feeling can be comforting. Depression itself is not. Your doing the right thing though…getting help..mabye not in a conventional way but hey we should all use the internet to our advantage. Listen to ‘Death cab for cutie.’

I used to speak to a teacher and friends but I felt bad for unloading all my problems onto them so I stopped and tried to deal with it myself. It didn’t work for long as you can see so I decided to try my luck on here.

Depression is certainly something easier for me to deal with, as is anger. Neither of them are productive but the pain beneath them is sometimes way too much to bear. So no it’s not weird, sometimes its a relief. Good luck. Anon UK.

It isn’t weird, to escape depression you have to want to escape and fight it. This means we have to relive the parts of our life our brain or concience is trying to block and that we have to accept whatever caused the depression.
This makes us uncomfortable. We have to open it all up again and try to learn to cope with something that is hurting and still does hurt us, when we try coping with it. I hope you see what I am trying to say, I dont know how to explain it any better. Not coping with the depression seems the easiest way to cope, the depression often causes so much tiredness through the stresses it causes. It weakens us mentaly even more because of it, it tends to grow with time, it weakens us more and more. In the end it feels like it easier to live with it, than to fight it.

If we do try to fight it realy hard, we can to a greater extent get to accept or defeat it. If you get the chance to get help then try beating it, it is worth it.

I know what you’re saying thep, and I do truly want to beat it, I just don’t know how…

It’s hard Anon. I’ve been working on beating my depression for the last year. The only thing I found that helped was talking about it. The last thing I ever want to do when I am depressed. Even now, I’m back in a bad place and I have to somehow pull up enough courage to go and see my doctor on Monday to get more anti-depressants and ask for more therapy. The thought of that is awful in itself.

i have a friend who started falling into depression about 12 yrs ago and it’s like so much time has gone by this way that she doesn’t know how to be happy. when things are good, she finds something awful to dwell on. weird? i don’t know, but i know you’re not the only one who shows signs of this behavior.

Chris UK

Yeah, talking to my teacher helped a lot but after we went on study leave I stopped talking to her and I don’t want to dissapoint her because I told her I was more positive now so I can’t go back and say I’m still not happy.

melt

I used to do that when it came to exams. I know that I won’t be negative about the rest of my exams but I look for the awful things somewhere else, and it always seems to come back to me. I wouldn’t say I’ve forgotten how to be happy, just what full on happiness feels like.

Why is everyone concerned about being sad, it is a normal part of life, just don’t stay that way for too long. Do allow the feeling and don’t be afraid of it. Today it is raining, I love the rain because when it stops everything will be brighter:) If I didn’t have sad days I wouldn’t know how special happy days really are:) I think life is mostly everyday stuff, not exactly happy or sad. Sad days are necessary if you live and breathe in our world. Happiness is something we all would like more of.

SoulRising

I know what you’re saying, but I don’t seem to get happy days. I don’t know why or what I’ve done wrong, but I don’t.

Anon I know exactly what you mean mate. It’s one of the things that kills me, you tell someone you are feeling depressed and they do their best by you and may even raise your spirits a bit, and then when you do start to feel low again you can’t even talk to that person who helped you before because of the guilt. It’s like people have invested something in you that you want to repay by suddenly feeling all better. I’m still searching for the answer to that, but knowing that you go through the same thing makes me feel a bit better.

I think your teacher would be glad you felt yo could ask again. It’s worth the struggle it really is. You don’t have to be persistently happy but living in depression is a road to nowhere, You are the only person who will ever be you, you are totally and utterly an individual, seperate from all others, there will never be anyone else like you, you can make yourself anything you want to be, use that and become something you value.

Anonymous wrote:
SoulRising

I know what you’re saying, but I don’t seem to get happy days. I don’t know why or what I’ve done wrong, but I don’t.

I wish I was there to help put a smile on your face:) This world will get you down if you don’t watch where you look.

Chris UK

I know that the person would probably want me to talk to them about it rather than go through it alone but I just can’t bring myself to face them when they were so happy that I was feeling positive about my exams.

lola-sophi

I know that she would be glad that I asked her but I just don’t feel I could do it because I’m letting her down.

SoulRising

There’s always a smile on my face, I just don’t mean it.

I don’t paint smiles on my face. Why do you Anon?

Bloody Hell anon, you could be describing my current situation.

SoulRising you ever watch Dexter? The world wants to see a smile mate, so thats what you give them. People don’t generally like unhappy people, it’s only those you are close to that care when you are down,

SoulRising

Because it makes everybody think I’m ok. It stops me having to talk to people about how I feel and just carry on without burdening anybody or feeling different. In fact, scarp that, I still feel different, I just hide it.

Chris UK

I actually love Dexter!! He feels how I feel and trys to act normal like I act. We could be one and the same apart from I’m female, younger, and don’t go round killing people.

You will have heared all of this before, your meds and therapy are the first steps. you need to find the starting point of your depression. This surprisingly is not as abvious as we may think.
A good phsycholigist is a must. Good days are very rare and bad days are always there, with severe deppression. I know what Chris UK is talking about as well, but any of you can come and talk with me. I will always listen.
It would be good if any one who has not suffered with severe deppression kept their own advice. You cant help if you have never experienced it, you just cant understand any of it. When you feel like these people do you think it is wrong to smile or laugh, you have no right to do either.

I have a face that is transparent. When I try to fool the world everyone sees through me. My real smile is beautiful. My fake one is plastic and almost painful to look at. I learned to just be myself and then I found people who like me for who I really am, happy, sad, good, bad….

thep

I agree with what you say, but sometimes it’s good to hear other peoples pespective on how we behave. I can’t get a psychologist because then my parents will know. I would love to be able to talk to you more, do you have skype or msn?

SoulRising

I’ve had my plastic smile for so long that people think it’s real. I can’t remember the last time I truly smiled.

Anonymous wrote:
SoulRisingBecause it makes everybody think I’m ok. It stops me having to talk to people about how I feel and just carry on without burdening anybody or feeling different. In fact, scarp that, I still feel different, I just hide it.Chris UKI actually love Dexter!! He feels how I feel and trys to act normal like I act. We could be one and the same apart from I’m female, younger, and don’t go round killing people.

Anytime you don’t want to talk just don’t, you don’t owe the world anything, but you do owe yourself something, and I believe that something is to be real honest with yourself. You cannot even begin to help yourself until you get down and dirty honest. How can you be happy if you are not dealing with the real problem.

SoulRising

I tried to discover the problem and just thought it was exams but it’s obviously not. My teacher and I were trying to work it out together, but we got the wrong answer and I don’t know where to begin looking for a new one.

I don’t ever want to become comfortable being plastic, I am afraid I would forget how to really smile:) I do not want to fit in with the people who pretend. Why do you?

Anonymous.

You can e-mail me at (mail @ theperfectpicture.org.uk) obviously remove the brackets and leave the spaces out.

SoulRising

Because it is so much easier to pretend than say what I truly feel. A lot of people are scared by continuous unhappiness because they don’t know how to deal with the person or act around them. It can make relationships awkward and uncomfortable and I don’t want that.

Anon

Dexter. What can I say, his act I relate to so much. I’m not even keen on the stories I just love Dexters act.

As for counselling. There are ways, without your folks knowing maybe, a lot of it will come from the web, maybe samaritans would be a good place to start. All I know is that I should have got the help I needed years ago. I have lived with depression for over 15 years and only got help in the last year. I have wasted so much time feeling bad.

SoulRising

You seem like an absolutely lovely person.

Thep

You seem to know the score.

Chris UK

The samaritans will eventually tell me that I need to see a counsellor and that will get me right back to square one.

Anonymous wrote:
SoulRisingBecause it is so much easier to pretend than say what I truly feel. A lot of people are scared by continuous unhappiness because they don’t know how to deal with the person or act around them. It can make relationships awkward and uncomfortable and I don’t want that.

But you are awkward and uncomfortable, can’t you see what you are doing is not working? Sometimes you have to face life for what it really is in order to learn how to deal with it.

SoulRising

I’m uncomfortable but others aren’t. What’s wrong with that?

Anonymous wrote:
SoulRisingI’m uncomfortable but others aren’t. What’s wrong with that?

What is wrong with that is that you see nothing wrong.

SoulRising

I would rather I was uncomfortable, just one person, rather than my friends and teachers in school. It’s one versus many and I chose the one.

SoulRising.

You are not helping with this post, You realy do need to be or to have been where this person is to understand it.
It is abvious that you haven’t been there. It is severe depression that is wrong with this person.
Can you please stop attcking.

It is so much easier.

Even one of my best mates has pretty much dropped all contatct because he no longer knows how to act around me.

I should add that I told him about my depression. Although I got to say in a way, I’m kind of glad.

I don’t want depression, I just want to be like everyone else who has good days and bad days. How do I get out of this? It’s making me feel worse knowing I have it and I have no idea how to get out of it. What did I or someone else do to me that was so wrong that had to resort to making myself depressed?

If you don’t choose to put yourself first, you will not be able to give what you don’t feel. I believe you will get back what you need to be happy when you learn to live a real life:) Pertending is not ever an answer, just a mask, just a bandaid over a wound.

SoulRising

And like many bandaids my mask hides the truth, which could be very ugly, and it oozes underneath but no-one can see. It doesn’t stop the pain but it covers the cause and ripping it off will hurt, so I believe that for the time being at least, it is better to leave it on.

I’m going to bed now but I will reply to any comments left tomorrow when I wake up. Night all! x

Anon

You know what I tell myself. I think it’s because I see through a lot of the bulls**t and I just can’t deal with it. The only thing I can tell you is good days come, I’m just not sure if our bad days are a lot worse, we just have more of them or our good days are alwyas tinged with sadness. I don’t know.

I’m going to have to call it a night Anon, I’m no counsellor, but it sounds like we have gone through a lot of the same feelings, I can’t promise any decent advice just understanding, email me if you want (lopezthejackal at gmaildotcom).

Night.

Good Luck, you can and will suceed.

thep wrote:
SoulRising.

You are not helping with this post, You realy do need to be or to have been where this person is to understand it.
It is abvious that you haven’t been there. It is severe depression that is wrong with this person.
Can you please stop attcking.

I have been there and I choose not to go back:)

I have not read all the replies, but I think I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes just want to give in and go back into the depression. It just seams like it would be easier than constantly fighting it.

Anonymous wrote:
SoulRisingAnd like many bandaids my mask hides the truth, which could be very ugly, and it oozes underneath but no-one can see. It doesn’t stop the pain but it covers the cause and ripping it off will hurt, so I believe that for the time being at least, it is better to leave it on.I’m going to bed now but I will reply to any comments left tomorrow when I wake up. Night all! x

I hope your wound doesn’t become infected before you try the tough choice of cleaning it out.

SoulRising.

It’s nice to see you managed to overcome your severe depresion,because of its affects on the brain, you will know that this is not possible for a lot of people to do. Or it can only be partially cured. You will understand that you are one of the lucky people in this world.
I hope you never have to go back to that hurt and pain again, the sadness and the anger it causes.
I think the person who created this post was trying the tough choice of cleaning it out, by asking for help.

For those of you that read this post there is a website you might like to take a look at. http://www.depression.com/

thep wrote:
SoulRising.

It’s nice to see you managed to overcome your severe depresion,because of its affects on the brain, you will know that this is not possible for a lot of people to do. Or it can only be partially cured. You will understand that you are one of the lucky people in this world.
I hope you never have to go back to that hurt and pain again, the sadness and the anger it causes.
I think the person who created this post was trying the tough choice of cleaning it out, by asking for help.

thep
I have talked to the person who made this post many times. You do not know me and your assumptions are wrong. I choose to get better, I am not lucky.

I’m going to say the following, hopefully somebody will read it: Deppression is never comforting. Depression is the worst kind of enemy you can have in your life. You don’t want it; you don’t need it; you don’t deserve it. Yet, it keeps on wanting you, it keeps on making you think that you need to feel deppressed because you think that is how everybody thinks of you anyway. I have felt such depression in my life. I thought sometimes that it would be better if I was not in this world, but I overcame it. It is a poison that poisons you and sometimes poisons your family, your neighbors, your friends, even acquaintances that barely know you because they don’t know how to deal with it and with you when you are depressed. For some people it’s fatal. They end up committing suicide or killing others because they want to blame others for their depression and end up hurting inocent people. I have seen firsthand those depressed people who end up exploding like a big volcano spewing boiling lava and decimating everything and everybody on its path. I never found comfort in my depression. I never wanted to go back nor do I want to go back to it now. I do not want to be familiar with it ever again. It took me a long time of panic attacks, depression attacks, withdrawals from my family and friends to come to terms that I was the one who was going to have to attack my depression instead of letting it attack me. It’s no picnic when you have all the curtains in your room closed and do not and cannot leave your house because you don’t want to see the light of day or face people in your life because you think that they are out to get you and don’t understand what you are going through. But it’s not their fault nor is it yours. Is that stupid depression’s fault. Is all those days when you don’t even want to talk to your parents, your children, to your brother, to your sister, your teachers, your counselor, when you feel at your worst and think that the abyss that you are facing will never end. Everybody is a victim of your depression. The sad part is that you are the one with it, you are the one who has to deal with it. Other people want you to be normal and do not understand how debilitating this sickness is. Other people think that you are “faking” it because you don’t want to go to work or school and want to be taken care of by your family. What they don’t know is that depression gets a hold of you and won’t let you go sometimes no matter what you do, what other people do, what everybody tells you and all the things combined that everybody can do. I do hope that someday you can find comfort in something else other than depression and I do hope that you don’t want to stay in that familiar territory of being depressed all the time. Come out. Fight as much as you can fight against this horrible decease that afflicts millions and millions of people. God Bless You.

littlenick.

That was a good discriptive reply, thanks for telling it to us.

thep wrote:
littlenick.

That was a good discriptive reply, thanks for telling it to us.

Are you mocking me? Please say you’re not!

I am not mocking you. If you read my replies to this and many other posts about the same subject. You will find I always do the best I can to help with depresion posts.

I have had it, it is no joke.

Thankyou all of you, I do want to change I just don’t know how. It concerns me that so many people feel like this, but why? I just want everybody to be happy, and I pray that no-one feels like me, because that would be bad … and I can’t help :(

Thanks anon! :)

Weird? I think it is an unhealthy perspective, I think the gift of life is something to be thankful for every day:)

yeah, i see depression as the way to clear up your mind. u seem u cant always wear the smile on your face and pretend everything is okay, i think depression is smth that helps to find some distraction.

I used to be depressed and it was comforting, I found, in the sense that it was like I was sleeping. It was ultimate laziness, I didn’t have to smile, hold my shoulders high, every day was the same, I didn’t have to notice anything. so in that sense it’s like a daze, it’s so easy! So yes I stayed comfortable with it until someone really brought to mind that it was a bad thing, and then there was this awful pit in my stomach all the time, that i just wanted to go away. So there are different stages of depression.

I let myself relax and crash sometimes. Then I kick myself in the butt and get back on track. I can only veg so long before I need to get it in gear:)

No it’s not. Sometimes it’s easier to be depressed than to be happy. You have to learn to recognize how you got there and how to get out of there. I totally know what you mean. When you’ve been depressed for so long, it just doesn’t feel right to be happy. Just try to recognize what makes you happy and continue in those thngs.

What should I do to fix how I feel?

littlenick wrote:
I’m going to say the following, hopefully somebody will read it: Deppression is never comforting. Depression is the worst kind of enemy you can have in your life. You don’t want it; you don’t need it; you don’t deserve it. Yet, it keeps on wanting you, it keeps on making you think that you need to feel deppressed because you think that is how everybody thinks of you anyway. I have felt such depression in my life. I thought sometimes that it would be better if I was not in this world, but I overcame it. It is a poison that poisons you and sometimes poisons your family, your neighbors, your friends, even acquaintances that barely know you because they don’t know how to deal with it and with you when you are depressed. For some people it’s fatal. They end up committing suicide or killing others because they want to blame others for their depression and end up hurting inocent people. I have seen firsthand those depressed people who end up exploding like a big volcano spewing boiling lava and decimating everything and everybody on its path. I never found comfort in my depression. I never wanted to go back nor do I want to go back to it now. I do not want to be familiar with it ever again. It took me a long time of panic attacks, depression attacks, withdrawals from my family and friends to come to terms that I was the one who was going to have to attack my depression instead of letting it attack me. It’s no picnic when you have all the curtains in your room closed and do not and cannot leave your house because you don’t want to see the light of day or face people in your life because you think that they are out to get you and don’t understand what you are going through. But it’s not their fault nor is it yours. Is that stupid depression’s fault. Is all those days when you don’t even want to talk to your parents, your children, to your brother, to your sister, your teachers, your counselor, when you feel at your worst and think that the abyss that you are facing will never end. Everybody is a victim of your depression. The sad part is that you are the one with it, you are the one who has to deal with it. Other people want you to be normal and do not understand how debilitating this sickness is. Other people think that you are “faking” it because you don’t want to go to work or school and want to be taken care of by your family. What they don’t know is that depression gets a hold of you and won’t let you go sometimes no matter what you do, what other people do, what everybody tells you and all the things combined that everybody can do. I do hope that someday you can find comfort in something else other than depression and I do hope that you don’t want to stay in that familiar territory of being depressed all the time. Come out. Fight as much as you can fight against this horrible decease that afflicts millions and millions of people. God Bless You.