life help: Happiness - is it really a choice? - Help.com

no, happines is not a choice.. i think that you can’t choose happines.. you can do things that make you happy :)

“Bad Situation” is a perspective one chooses. There is always a ’silver lining’ in every situation and there is always a ‘rotten apple’ in every crowd. Perspective is which we choose to look at … and can generate feelings of happiness or sorrow.

So, happiness IS a choice.

Though sometimes we do not control our perspective and it may feel like we don’t have a choice.

It’s a tough lesson, but reality is …. IT IS OUR CHOICE.

In my view I would say that it is all about the mind and thought processes. I agree that happiness is a by product of one’s life style and would also say that it is about choice and what you choose to do or respond to a situation. For example is the glass half full or half empty?

:) well half full of course … and OMG I swear I did NOT type that smiley on this reply.

brightshine wrote:
:) well half full of course … and OMG I swear I did NOT type that smiley on this reply.

Lol, I think you choosing to be happy!!!

funny eh!! I think I have to agree.

brightshine wrote:
funny eh!! I think I have to agree.

Here’s to happy choices…………..

Happiness is where you find it, but you must first necessarily be looking for it:)

Interesting thought riptide. Though I would say happiness is not in the class, grade, outcome or love. Happiness is within the experience of the journey which includes participation of the class, relationships, even the fight with the grade whilst not accepting it.

Happiness is a choice and can be a constant. It is not dependant on experience nor outcome.

The intensity of happiness may wax and wane, come in waves … but it can be a constant.

This coming from someone who spent more than half her life in a constant state of suffering and pain. With brief encounters of happiness. Now, I am a happy person.

riptide wrote:
Happiness is not always a choice. And seeing a silver lining applies to some situations, but you have to first ACCEPT your situation to even begin to see silver linings. If you don’t you will deny your situation and fight it and while in it will never be happy. However if you win and get out - you will be very happy. For example: If you fail a test and flunk a class you can see a silver lining in it. Maybe you sign up for another class and in it meet your future mate. Later you are happy from this. Silver lining I guess… Blessing in disguise sure. BUT if you refuse to accept your grade and fight it, you are not happy while doing it. But if you win and get a C and pass -you are very happy. (And your future wife runs off with someone else) So it depends on who you are.

I think it is what you understand by happiness. Happiness, to me, does not depend on events or materialism. In my view happiness is a state of being. This then governs how I respond to situations or events. So taking your example, I fail a test, so my response would be to get feedback, see where I have to improve and resit it.

It has to do with how we look at things and deal with things…. Definitely some people have a lot of bad luck in life, but it’s their mindset that either makes them fight even harder or instead decide to give up on things and quit trying. Our lives are in our hands, though, so we have to choose to do the best with what we’ve got….and learn more to be happy with what we do have and appreciate those things rather than see the negatives so much. But no, there’s no magic switch, and life has many ups and downs, and sometimes we hit rock bottom before we finally get our strength and determination back to keep pushing forward against the obstacles! Our whole life is a growing process…. and I think when we finally come to terms with ourselves and truly LIKE who we are, we know we can handle just about anything that life dishes out. Then we are truly content inside, through good days and bad, we know the bad days will pass again and there’s work to be done yet.

I feel like happiness has been my choice.
I haven’t led a carefree life either.
I just found things that make me happy, and try to avoid the things that don’t.
When they are unavoidable (financial situations, family problems, relationship problems, etc), I just remind myself that no matter what I go through, I can make it through.

Take my situation right now for example; I had to drop out of school due to financial reasons. But instead of sitting down, thinking myself defeated, I found 2 jobs, and I will be working for the Summer/Fall semester. Then, instead of going to my dream school in NY that is MAD expensive, I will be attending a school in FL that I have scholarships for. Then, after a couple semesters in FL, I will go back to NY.

And I am happy with my life and my plan, because I know I can do it. I will not be defeated by money.

Also, my boyfriend is in NJ right now. He and I met in school, and we now have to go through the whole long - distance thing. But he and I know that our love is strong enough to withstand these hardships.
So I’m happy with that as well.

I don’t need “things” to make me happy. I just need a plan for my life.

I think that what makes us happiest, is confidence.

I am confident I can make it through. Some aren’t. And they lose their happiness to their lack of confidence.

We are all happy at certain times in our lives. I have found that sometimes being unhappy is what really defines us as people. What we do to come out of that unhappiness is what builds our character. Some people go through life saying that they choose to be happy. Yes that might be true to them. They are happy when they spend all the money they have or use their credit cards. They are unhappy when don’t have any money or the bills for the credit cards keep on coming in. But, when they were spending, they were happy and they chose that. Other people choose to fake happiness. The perfect family might go through life showing a facade of happiness to a lot of other people outside of their family circle. But, the father is an alcoholic but nobody knows; the mother is having affair after affair; the children are doing drugs, or hanging around the wrong people and picking up on bad role models. Is not until a catastrophic event happens in their life do they admit that they are not entirely happy or content with their lives. I have the same attitude that Dots has. When I am unhappy, I tell myself that I can make it through that situation and if another arises I can make it through that one too. It’s just a matter of attitude. Some people choose the attitude that they don’t care to be happy or don’t want to know what happiness is. Unfortunately, misery loves company. When they are unhappy, it seems like everyone around them is unhappy. Why not analyze the things that may bring unhappiness into our lives and try to change them instead so they bring happiness. A drug addicted brother can have an intervention. A lonely person can go out and make friends. If we try to change those things to a positive instead of keeping them at a negative, then maybe we can be happy and stay happy until the next situation comes up. The say that if you smile the world smiles with you. I think that is somewhat true. If you have a positive attitude it’s contagious and maybe you can make someone around you smile more. Show the world that you actually want happiness and happiness will find you. Your attitude is not a choice. You can adopt the positive or the negative attitude that will be entirely up to you. Always try to stay on the positive and maybe positive things will happen to you. I am going through a situation right now but I choose not to let it bog me down and keep me down. If I was to let this situation control me, then I would totally be unhappy and would not be able to deal with it. It’s a day to day thing but as the days go by I choose to stay positive. Maybe I am not happy that I am going through this situation, but I am not going to let it infect me or my family with negativity and unhappiness. I have to keep on going no matter what. When you have people depending on you, you have to stay positive. Happiness is up to you.

I really enjoy reading each others thoughts here … it helps me dive deeper. I agree that confidence helps to maintain a happy presence. I have been through some very rough times and knowing that I can, do and will continue to ride the waves and get beyond them definately helps to maintain a happy baseline.

Also, I have learned to recognize the temporary nature of situations. I have learned to place significant value on my frame of mind and less value on societal & familial expectations of me. Also, I have learned to be patient and kind to myself. I suppose MY expectations of myself are even greater than the expectations of our society or my family. So, I have learned to be patient and kind to myself. Allow myself to make mistakes, to be weak at times, to be disappointed … yet, I maintain an underlying sense of contentness and happiness … because I choose to be a content and happy as my baseline.

I still have dreams and projects and goals … sometimes deadlines come and go and projects are not complete. Sometimes, dreams are placed on the back burner … but they are never gone and I never give up working toward them. Even when the ball drops and pulls the rug out from under me and I fall flat on my face … I know I will perserve, the degree of happiness my be at a lul … but, I am still happy and content.

I am happy to wake up each morning and well … go at it for another day. I am happy to go to sleep each night and take a break from it all for awhile.

It is definately a frame of mind … I definately tend to not be kept down … If I want something, I will keep working toward it until I achieve it. The journey, the process is where I find the challenge and in the challenge … happiness.

brightshine wrote:
I really enjoy reading each others thoughts here … it helps me dive deeper. I agree that confidence helps to maintain a happy presence. I have been through some very rough times and knowing that I can, do and will continue to ride the waves and get beyond them definately helps to maintain a happy baseline.

Also, I have learned to recognize the temporary nature of situations. I have learned to place significant value on my frame of mind and less value on societal & familial expectations of me. Also, I have learned to be patient and kind to myself. I suppose MY expectations of myself are even greater than the expectations of our society or my family. So, I have learned to be patient and kind to myself. Allow myself to make mistakes, to be weak at times, to be disappointed … yet, I maintain an underlying sense of contentness and happiness … because I choose to be a content and happy as my baseline.

I still have dreams and projects and goals … sometimes deadlines come and go and projects are not complete. Sometimes, dreams are placed on the back burner … but they are never gone and I never give up working toward them. Even when the ball drops and pulls the rug out from under me and I fall flat on my face … I know I will perserve, the degree of happiness my be at a lul … but, I am still happy and content.

I am happy to wake up each morning and well … go at it for another day. I am happy to go to sleep each night and take a break from it all for awhile.

It is definately a frame of mind … I definately tend to not be kept down … If I want something, I will keep working toward it until I achieve it. The journey, the process is where I find the challenge and in the challenge … happiness.

Brilliant absolutely brilliant………..

SANNI…i wanted 2 thank u for your kind words. i hope u receive this.. i read ur no longer doing this.hugs, r

petluvR wrote:
SANNI…i wanted 2 thank u for your kind words. i hope u receive this.. i read ur no longer doing this.hugs, r

I have read your words and thank you, as long as the words encouraged you, that is all I want. I am caught up with studying and working at the moment, so I am visiting when I can. Keep strong and remember this too shall pass. Peace and love, Sanni.

Sanni. Glad u received my response. im new 2 this…..not sure how 2 navigate this help.Com.
Whatr u studying? This AM i found out im a victm of credit card fraud. Creepy. P and love, r

I believe a strong support system people that love u, or animals that love u, in my case, is very important. of course u have 2 believe in urself.

this is what i wrote on another post about this matter:

i for the most part agree that happiness is something you can achieve by your own actions. much of happiness is either a choice in itself or a result of choices you make. no, we cannot control what happens TO us, but we can control how we deal with it. i have met people who are truly happy given their unfortunate circumstances, and i have met people who are depressed and unhappy despite their well-off life.

there’s this mentality today that we are all some sort of victims. so many people view life passively, as if they have no choice in what’s going on around them.

“Discontent is the first necessity of progress.” -Thomas Edison

when people experience unhappiness we should look for a way to solve it, not curl up in a ball of miserable self-pity and despair. why should we be the victims? why do we choose to stay where we are, unhappy? is it laziness? is it hopelessness?

we want things to be given to us, served on a platter. but for the most part, people need to take the wheel and DRIVE. life isn’t like the movies. there’s not always going to be a knight in shining armor to catch us when we fall. sometimes we have to be our OWN hero. and then maybe we can save ourselves and be the heroes for others. why is it that so many people give up so easily? life is not something that is OWED to you, it’s a luxury that not all people have. hell, if you’re in your 20s by now you’re luckier than nearly 12,000 children in the U.S. who die by the age of 14 each year (and that’s just the fscking US, these are pretty favorable statistics compared to much of the rest of the world).

despair and hopelessness doesn’t come from a lack of wealth or the lack of a nice lexus or rolex watch or the white picket fence, it comes from lonliness, that deadening, draining, realization (or delusion, if that is the case) that one is alone, and perhaps will be until the day they die. it’s a horrible feeling, and any person has every right to feel unfortunate that it came to this, but at some point we have to get back to our feet and move on. we keep waiting for some lovely person to sweep into our lives and turn our world upside down and whisk us away from this lonley unhappiness that has befallen us. well if everyone is waiting for that person, who is left to come?

people need to learn that sometimes THEY must be that person. when you see another person suffering do you simply suffer in each other’s presence or do you help each other to stand again? you may be hurting inside, and we all have our burdens to bear, but take the time to think. who have you hurt? and who have you helped?

that is what i intended to convey. it should not be a permanent state of being.

in a way agree w/ you but ultimately YOU still have a choice. you have your own feelings, reactions to control

learn to be happy. happiness sans the drama is not bad at all.

in a way i agree w/ you but ultimately YOU still have a choice. you have your own feelings, reactions to control

learn to be happy. happiness sans the drama is not bad at all.