Well, haha where to start.
Ive fukd up my life maybe? You see, I had 3 guys that I really liked, 1, the first guy I ever properly liked, michael, he’s fukd me around a lot but I’ve always forgave him cos hes immature and dus stupid things a lot. The 2nd, my 1st bf, blane, who I like to the point of maybe love, but who michael tricked me into cheating on(michael is blanes 3rd cousin and said blane asked him to make me cheat). And the 3rd is my current bf, andrew, who I really like.
Blane started talking to me again, after the whole cheating scenario, which he claims michael lied about. First lie. I said I believed him, and knew michael was lying, when I stil wasnt sure, and said to michael i believed him. At first I did totaly believe michael, but then i fell for blane again, and began to doubt he was lying. I had no idea who was, and because michael said ‘neither of us are lying, think outside the box’ i took that cue to decide they were both telling the truth, as this was easier. This was my first choice, which i couldnt make, and lied instead, to myself aswell, i didnt really believe the ‘no one is lying’ theory but i wanted to as i wouldnt have to make the choice.
My bf hates michael cos they used to be mates but fell out, and he doesnt want me being tricked by michael again, so said i couldnt see him again. I still have feelings for michael, as i do for blane so I didnt want to lose michael, like andrew wanted me to. Second lie and second choice I couldnt make. I told andrew id stopped talking to michael when I hadnt, so I wouldnt lose either. You can understand that, right?
Blane had pretty much decided andrew was bad news right from the start and was gonna hurt me. I couldnt believe this as at that point I wos fed up of not knowing who was telling the truth and wanted andrew to be true, cos i couldnt take any more complications. I ignored the accusations at first, until I realised how much I cared bout blane, he even asked me out but cos i didnt wanna disapoint andrew, i couldnt dump him. Lie 3. I said i would. i said this cos that was what i wanted to do, just needed to develop a backbone.
I now had to pretend I thought michael was playing a game and didnt care bout anyone, as i was susposed to have realised what michael really was, this led to my 4th lie. Whenever michael was mentioned i made those claims, and as a result, he found out and thats why he hates me. Unbeknown to me, he was with blane yesterday, and they must have talked about it and realised id said something different to both of them so of course, both of them hate me. I still have andrew, but I dont think thats what I really want.
So, I have little chance of getting either back, and it hurts more than you can imagine. I just wish I could go back and fix things, be honest with everyone and take responsibility for my actions. Failing that, I wish I could have a second chance to prove myself worthy. I know I messed up and I’m sorry but I cant live without them, they mean so much to me and I lost them, maybe forever. Is there any way to fix it?
This open post was written 1 year, 6 months ago | V/U/S: 148, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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