friends help: What do you do when someone dies. - Help.com

Try sending flowers to the house saying how sorry you are to hear of their sad news. That’s always a safe option. It shows you are thinking of them and their loss without intruding on their grief.

But if you do nothing, it can look really bad, as if you don’t care. Flowers are definately a good, safe way to show your sorrow. It also gives them an option to call you to say thanks. Then take it from there.

i think you should give them a little time to grieve by themselves. maybe a day, and then you should go over. because if you’re close to the family they’re going to need all the love and support they can get. give your friend a day to be with his/her parents and then go see him/her. let him/her know you’re here. but whatever you do, don’t push. just let him/her do whatever they’re going to do to grieve and just be there. i’m sorry for your loss, and my thoughts go out to you and this poor boy’s family. :(

go to them and just let them know you’re there. it’s nice to know you at least have someone to come to for a few words or a few hugs…

PS, remember that it is your loss too. Remember to take time to grieve yourself for the person. It is important to let it out.

Buy a card and write a little note just to say you are thinking of them and will give them time before you come by, they will be all over the place at the moment to doing it that way for now is probably best and then go see them in a few days maybe a week when they have taken it all in.
Sorry to hear about it though, such a sad thing to hapen, I hope your ok.

LazyDaze~ wrote:
Buy a card and write a little note just to say you are thinking of them and will give them time before you come by, they will be all over the place at the moment to doing it that way for now is probably best and then go see them in a few days maybe a week when they have taken it all in.
Sorry to hear about it though, such a sad thing to hapen, I hope your ok.

As usual, excellent advice LazyDaze. Another good option.

i always thought flowers were more appropriate. a little more sentimental than meat trays.

that sounds good *nods*. definitely a good time. yes, bring food. make a casserole or a baked goods or something. or you could bring flowers that could be good too. i think it would be a really good idea to show up with something.

CrackHacky wrote:
what should I take them? My mom said paper plates, meat trays, etc. I don’t know what to do

Maybe send them a ‘practical basket’ with these things in or drop them off without intruding. These pratical things, flowers, cards,catering things really help.

When someone loses someone close to them, it is really hard to get to grips with normal things like food. And you certainly don’t want to be washing up. So your mom is correct, items like paper napkins, paper plates and plastic cutlery are great, but don’t forget to pop in a homemade pei or suchlike. Maybe your mom would help you prepare something. You could take it over with you. But be prepared that they might not want you to stay, grief can be very personal. Good luck.

CrackHacky wrote:
he died last night. I am thinking of going over tomorrow evening. Is that too soon, too late?

They won’t really know what day it is, just go and be there ofr them when you are ready, they won’t mind as long as your there, they have probably had quite alot of people in and out of their house. I am sure your friend will want to see a familiar face.

go there and see for yourself. the worst thing that can happen is for your friend telling you that he needs time alone. then again, sometimes being alone is the last thing a person wants. sometimes they need someone to hug, someone to stand by them, someone who’s also grieving. someone who will connect them to the real world again, someone who hopefully won’t be going anywhere soon because they need someone they can count on. go to show that you are thinking about them, and if they want to be alone, they will simply thank you and tell you so.

CrackHacky wrote:
We have my grandparents coming over in a vit and i can;t stop crying

They will understand. They have seen life and death and know what it’s all about. They can be a great comfort to you. Talk to them. No doubt they have some good advice for you on how to handle it, both for your friend and the family and for yourself. Be pleased that they are coming over.

CrackHacky wrote:
what is something I could make? (I think the basket idea is great)

Pop in the basket:
A sympathy card.
Paper plates
Paper napkins
Plastic cutlery or similar.
A pie or stew or casserole.
A plastic bin bag to put all the rubbish in.
Possibly a small bunch of flowers.
An invite to talk or help with any arrangements.

Can anyone think of anything else to add? All suggestions welcome.

littlenick wrote:
Listen when someone dies, what most of us do is try to avoid the subject or even the family whose loved one died. You sound like a good, considerate, kind, and caring person to actually think as to what you can do for them. You are doing it already by asking what you can do for them or what to tell them. I think what this family need now is all the support and understanding that anyone can give them. They are in their grieving process and should be shown respect accordingly. You also lost a friend and you should say that to the family. Remind them that he was special to you and all the friends that he had and that you are very sorry for their loss and to call on you should they need some support. Give them your heartfelt condolences. What most of us do when someone dies, is bring them a dish of something you cooked or made for them to eat. Believe it or not when someone close to us dies, we forget to eat or cook something to eat. When my grandmother died most of the neighbors we knew brought freshly cooked dishes. I think that if they hadn’t done that we probably wouldn’t have eaten in those days. My mom was in shock and my grandfather could not get out of bed because he was so deppressed. The mere fact that you are showing your support will be thoroughly appreciated by them. Talk to your friends who were his friends and maybe tell them to do likewise. Offer to do some housechores for them. Tell them they are not alone in their loss. Gosh I wish I was there to help you and maybe show them that they are not alone in this tragedy. Don’t shy away from them at this horrible time in their lives because most people who have suffered a loss don’t take well to already losing a family member and then losing friends and neighbors to this tragedy. All these wonderful people here at help.com have already come up with some great ideas as to what you can do and I am still typing away. That should show you that you are not alone in your tragedy of losing your friend. Take all the suggestions you can and go do them. God Bless you!

Hear, hear, well said.

shellfish wrote:
Can anyone think of anything else to add? All suggestions welcome.

If you have any pictures of him, that would be good, too.

CrackHacky wrote:
Thanks all. Thanks for being here for me.What happens when you lose a child. What her parents must be going through!

It’s horrible. My sister lost her newborn son a few months ago (he was 8 days old).

I may come back later to say more, but I don’t really know what else to say right now.

Just be there for them, and don’t hesitate to talk about him with the family. Share any stories you have, and remember the good times you had together.

Also, give lots of hugs.

That’s true.

CrackHacky wrote:
Thanks all. Thanks for being here for me.

What happens when you lose a child. What her parents must be going through!

You are totally welcome. Come back and share with us, it will help. Take care.

littlenick wrote:
I’m crying myself right now. I’m sorry for your loss.

You too, talk about it if it helps. Are you ok?

*hugs littlenick*

I continue my day normally

when my aunt died last year, I was playing online, my sister told me the news, i was like ok, then I went back to my playing.

I still have a hard time understanding that she’s dead, she’s not on this earth anymore!

I dont know what to do really

Dance w/me Cristiano wrote:
I continue my day normally

when my aunt died last year, I was playing online, my sister told me the news, i was like ok, then I went back to my playing.

I still have a hard time understanding that she’s dead, she’s not on this earth anymore!

I dont know what to do really

You have to face up to it and accept it before you can move on. But you can only do that when you are ready.

CrackHacky wrote:
Thanks all. Thanks for being here for me.

What happens when you lose a child. What her parents must be going through!

yeah, that sorrow is beyond me. just last thursday one of my class mates collapsed after having multiple strokes. he died the next day. if i were his parent, i don’t know how i could’ve dealt with something like that happening all within a few hours.

so sorry to hear of the news… you asked.. what a mother feels to lose her children… it is the worse thing ever to deal with.. probably harder for her than it is for the brother or sister.. my suggestion is to let them know that you care.. either by sending them a card or maybe even a phone call.. however if you are extremely close to the family… a day or so of absence will help them as well.. and then all of your support will probably be needed.. many hugs hun….

xxsexyxchickx wrote:
my nan died and im 13 i cant get over it and think about her all the time and it makes me cry help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs*

how long ago did she die? what was she like?

I’m glad you’re just now having to deal with death….I’ve had tons of death surronding me for the past few years and I’m only barely 17. I just hope you don’t have to deal with it again any time soon U_U
so sorry to hear about this. all I can say is just keep going. it’s horrible and cruel, but the world won’t stop for us to greive. over the years and the deaths, Iv’e learned that, though you feel like just stopping everything and you feel like never doing anything again, you have to keep going like normal..it’s the best way to heal. don’t be afraid to cry. bawl your eyes out at night in your bed….cry and cry util you feel better. I promise it works.
this is one of the worst kinds of death…the shocking kind that comes to young people. i just had a friend die in a car crash just a month and a half or so ago. he would’ve turned 15 last week. it was shocking and horrible and I cried and cried, but I know that he was a wonderful person and lived a wonderful life, and I’m sure that he would be proud to look back on the life he lived. if there’s anything I’ve learned from the many deaths I’ve been through, it’s that people really do have a time to go…a time when their purpose has been fulfilled. and the whole “only the good die young” thing is true. the good die young because they manage to fulfill their purposes faster. I know it doesn’t feel like this should’ve been his time to go because he’s so terribly young, but it really is. I’m sure he lived a wonderful life, or even if he didn’t, I’m sure that there was something good in his heart that enabled him to finish his purpose here.
crack, I know you’re not religious, but if you’re ever feeling alone or confused about this whole thing, will you just try something for me? just try and pray for comfort, okay? it can’t hurt, right?
I’m so sorry you had to go through this hurt, my prayers are with you,
♥hast

oh yeah, I remeber you saying something about that, before. I’m so sorry U_U suicide, especially in the family, I imagine would be the hardest kind of death to deal with. I’ve had 2 friends that commited suicide, and it’s not easy to deal with. I’m so sorry U_U
I know what you mean about being strong….I felt like I had to be that way when my uncle died. that was probably the hardest death I’ve ever had to deal with because he was so young and so close to everyone’s hearts…and he was the baby of his family. I’ve never ever seen my dad cry except for then. I felt like I had to be strong for my dad and the rest of my family, but I was hurting as well. I don’t think any of them ever saw me cry back then…well except at the funeral. I dont’ really know how to help you with that except to tell you that you’re not alone and if you ever need help, we’re here for you.