friends help: How do you get past your negative thoughts and just experience life - Help.com

http://www.seventeen.com/health-sex-f…
maybe this will help and if it doesn’t all i can say is get your butt up and do something…sitting around being depressed isn’t going to get you anywhere

Essence … thanks for opening up. I know this wasn’t easy for you. I think this shows that you are determined to perserve and make the changes you need to make to change your life.

Tell me more about your mother and father. It’s okay. I am safe and you are actually quite annonymous here on this site, ya know.

well identifying your problem is a start…work from there. and good luck whatever you choose to do

Just take it one day at a time. Take a breath. I hope you find something that makes you happy.

Thank you for sharing again Essence. Let me tell you a little about myself, just so you have a clue ..

My mother left when I was 7 turning 8 (three days before my 8th birthday). My father never remarried, raised 4 children alone from 1968 - until he died in 2001. We are all grown now and each has graduated from College in their own time. (a family of late bloomer kinda)

I married and had two sons. My ex was abusive, I divorced him after the second time he hit me. My son’s were 1 and 3 - barely. They were babies. I went to school and am now a nurse - educator/part of the management team. Been a nurse for 20 years now.

My youngest son is 22 and moved out about a year ago. It’s been really really tough. I feel like you described … cept would say, ‘when you are a mother, you know what each day entails .. you are caring for your children . . . then one day you wake up and they are gone . . .’

Part of my reason for making the above statement is to let you know, that it is normal to go through these waves of change. It continues to happen. It is NOT A BAD thing.

Being abandoned by one or both of our parents can leave us FEELING (INSIDE FEELING) unloved.

I think you already know this stuff, because you have already made statements that are along these lines of thinking.

OK … Essence … you want to know who you are. Thus far, I have experienced you as an intelligent, insightful, willful - yes willful!! you are determined to stay off this medication train we have running rampid in our country … compassionate, caring young woman.

You deserve to be find you center of happiness. Let’s keep talking. Maybe we can help each other.

My dear, your momma is having a challenging time adjusting to being with out a focus and goal. I think she needs you more than she realizes.

She lost her father, her brother, and her role as mother all very close in time. That is a tremendous amount of major life change at once. It is tough to be going through the ‘empty nest’ syndrome. My heart goes out to your mother. I am sure she can find her center and be grounded and tap back into her source of strength.

Your strength is NOT dependant on your mother. Not now .. it is not. When you were a child yes, but again, your strength is NOT dependant on your mother’s. You must be strong, build your dreams, make your life take shape and LOVE your mother. She may not think she wants you to experience her ‘like this’ … but you can go to her and let her know she IS LOVEABLE AND ACCEPTABLE ‘like this’. She is still the woman who knuckled down and took care of business when it needed to be done. She was focused … Now she must learn to love and focus on herself and her needs. LOVE from her children continues to be a need of hers. This does not mean you give up your life, it just means you visit her and let her know you love and accept her exactly the way she is right now. SHE IS ACCEPTABLE …

How do you feel loveable … I take inventory … inventory of my good qualities and I start paying attention to those who treat me with care and compassion. I NOTICE / FEEL their presence. This helps me FEEL what LOVE feels like … I am still learning … :)

Actually, one of my son’s ex-girlfriends was the first to help me feel cared for. It was really bizzare … but, she was willing to be available when I needed someone … OMG … it was like a light switch … all the sudden I could feel cared for. She is still my friend, though she and James broke up.

You should met your father some day. When you are ready. Meet him with no preconcieved idea’s. You may even want to set some ground rules … like, no discussing your mother at all. You don’t need to hear ‘his side of the story’, unless you want to. I think it would be wise to determine what type of relationship you would choose to have with him. Why meet him? What do you wish to accomplish? Curiosity? Just to know who he is? Expectations? Would he expect you to be the long lost daughter? Kinda get an idea of where you are going with this meeting before you get yourself into it.

I tried to get the boys to talk to their father, but they would have nothing to do with him. I call him every once in a blue moon, just to see how he is doing. I tell the boys to stop by sometime, but they never do. To them, he is just the man over there on the other side of the valley. He never made attempts to see them … whatever.

I am a good mother, maybe too good. I taught them to be independant and they ARE. I told them, “You are the number one most important person in your life, you MUST make sure you are happy. You must make sure you can look in the mirror and be proud of yourself.” Well, they are quite independant … like I never hear from them!! It is sad, because I really wish they would make more of an effort to be in my life … but … they don’t. So, I must re-focus and find myself again! It’s a process, girlie … it’s always a process.

hahah … I totally contradicted myself … ‘no preconceived ideas … get an idea of what the relationship …’ OMG lol … sorry to be confusing.

No preconcieved idea’s related to who your father is….

Do set ground rules and have some idea of where you plan to have the connection head …

silly, silly me. OOPs

ok, this is really short, but go here

http://help.com/post/97964-i-woke-up-…

it’s just a kind of small glimpse of how i find happiness. just a small snippet, of course, but sometimes it’s hard to see life like this. i hope it helps. :)

haha im the total oposite, people say im too vain, overconfident and a know it all.
dont worry essence, you just need to sit down, relax and plan your next move accordingly.
i used to be like that, but i took up extra curricular activities to get my mind off problems and to boost confidence, for example i started to play rugby, i could take anger out on people by taking them down, and run around and work as a team infront of loaads of spectators
maybe something like that might help, its an extra cost but it cant be far too expensive, i mean i only pay £2 per training session… lol
just a thought, give it a try and goodluck hun