life help: What would you do? - Help.com

Leave him and find someone more mature and independent. This relationship is obviously not going anywhere.

Tell him exactly how you feel, and if nothing changes than he isn’t worth it. He seems to value laziness more than love, and if that’s the case than so be it, it’s not your job to perpetually put up with his mothers insanity.

Ask yourself why your with him, that’s all you can do for now.

So you don’t think he will want to move forward with our relationship because pretty much he is in a marriage with his mother? Because that is how I feel.
I have talked to him about it and he will NOT move out!!! He takes her side alot saying she means well,BULL**** if I go over there she will sit in the room with us so we can’t talk by ourself and talk about all trips they are going to go on this summer she perpously leaves me out of the conversation it is a weird situation I can not imagine being that dependent on my mom and our age I live on my own I could never move back home but he did and LOVES it!!!!
Can I make him realize it is time to cut the cord?

I think he has to realize it on his own, the only way you can help is to give him a shock to his system, and I think that leaving him is the only thing that will help him to get back onto the proper track, maybe then he will see what he really values in life.

i’m 15 yrs younger than this guy and I REALLY love my mom and I know she would do anything for me. BUT… if it got to this point then I would have to agree with you and also with the previous answers you got.

If he can’t even look after himself how is he going to be there for you? I don’t mean to wish anything bad on anybody but one day his mom won’t be there anymore, what’s he gona do then?

what would I do? I would move on personaly.

I don’t know about that I think his mommy would tell him he was better off with out me and she will take care of him forever!!!
I think that is secretly what she wants she want him all to herself!!! It is the weirdest thing and he enjoys her doting on him whenever I say anything he just laughs
I just feel like there in no place for me in our realtionship. I feel like she fills every need he has (except for one) so what does he need to move out for?
Le when she is gone then he will have her money to take care of him! He thinks when she is gone he will have her house and her money so he will be fine.

Do you love him?

Money can’t buy happiness, tell him that. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind… as for him laughing at you - i wouldn’t stand for it, to me that would just feel as though that person doesn’t care about my feelings.

Yes I love him very much!! I just don’t know if I can handle a life time of being in a relationship with him and his mother it gets a little crowded! I want us to build our life together and her just visit once in while when we okay it not her stopping by everyday!

Then don’t jut up and leave, love is important, but, make sure to value yourself too. Maybe you could try telling him you wont go to their house anymore? Make sure he knows how serious you are, but be patient.

Oh I have been paient believe me it has been 2 years of this he just does not seem to get because from where he sits he has it made!! So there is no reason to change a thing is there?

You should be his reason.

Well like I said I have talked to him about it but he is happy living like this he does not see a reason to change and just becasue I leave he still won’t he likes his life just the way it is he has no real responibilities at home he does or doesn’t do what ever he wants so it is perfect for him.

maybe you should then let him know that his life is perfect without you in it. maybe that way he could catch a wake up

Then maybe you should think about yourself a little more?

It sounds like you’re more worried about him once he doesn’t have mommy to lean on anymore, if that’s the case then all you can do is wait patiently for his life to collapse and catch him.

Well I could do that but then I have to ready for him to leave because if you think that he is going to walk away from the good life to come rushing to my side in barely making it land you are crazy!! I don’t wabt to catch him I want him to be grown up!!!!

YOURE relationship will go no where. if you guys went further (which i hope not) then he will just expect you to do the things his mother does and the relationship will go downhill frm there. so y ou dont have to break up with him now, but if it gets serious and youre not feelin it: end it! no wonder his wife divorced him!! lol

That is one of the reasons she divorced him his mother is a nightmare, I find the whole thing strange, i can’t imagine still treating my child like a baby when they are clearly adults she must get some satifaction from keeping him dependent on her!!!
I also can’t understand why he would want to live that way.

he has not experienced another life. maybe hes still livid from the divorce
who knows who cares

Have you tried talking to him yet? Apparently he’s not independent enough to be away from his mom for more than 5 seconds. If you just all of a sudden cut him off from his mom (no visiting or communication, including smoke signals) then he’ll probably be lost and will be worse off than before. It seems like he’s depending way too much on her. I suggest “weaning” him off of the dependence. Suggest to him that we should visit once a week instead of every few minutes. Suggest things for him to do around the house. (I.E. “Honey? Can you go get the milk for me?” etc.”
Hope this helps!

Also, I could’ve sworn after “What would you do?” that you were going to put “for a Klondike bar?” :D

He lives with her so weaning is not an option! He will never leave her.

Have you dropped “anivil sized hints” about maybe “How nice would it be to have our own apartment?” If that doesn’t work maybe you should just come out and bluntly say “If you don’t stop obsessing over your mother, I’m leaving!” If he only has eyes for his mother, then you should leave him. If he realizes, “Hey! My wife is unhappy! I should do something about this” then I suggest helping him. Just remember, don’t kill yourself trying to be with him if he only wants his mama. Leaving might open his eyes!