Feel help: I’m more Cynical towards people than I used to be, and I wish it would stop. - Help.com

I know it can be hard sometimes but always remember that there are some genuinely selfless people and if you put yourself in their shoes would you exploit yourself.

Sounds like to me someone with better or more knowledge will need to talk to you about it but untill then I wonder if you are interested in a continuing discussion on self education and small group projects.

The only thought I can offer is this: People are often stupid, but they aren’t usually malicious. A lot of the things that people do really are motivated by self gain, probably even a lot of the things you do (certainly a lot of the things I do), and that’s ok. Many of those motives and actions will have negative repercussions for others, but its not intentional; it’s just that people don’t usually take a long view of their behavior. People, as a rule, are dumb and you’ve just just got to try and cope with that. The best definition of a ‘cynic’ I ever read was along the lines of “An idealist who’s been let down by the world”.

Personally, I notice the same rise and ebb you describe in my own cynicism, which does make me curious about biological or external influences, but I’d hazard the guess that its pretty normal.

I had to go to a counsellor a long time ago as I was suffering from severe depression. I had a real ‘aha’ moment when I had spent a long time explaining exactly this issue and she said “but just because these specific people have done this to you in the past, it doesn’t mean other people are going to do this to you in the future”. Damm, it brings tears to my eyes just remembering how enlightening that was. Certainly since then there have of course been the users out there, but I now go into friendships with a more open view. Yes, I am still guarded, but I try and keep things light and fun until I really get to know them.

Yep, that’s the hard part! I don’t know if it’s possible to actually sit down with any of these people and chat about this; not to actually tell them you distrust them, but maybe explain why you might be guarded, because of how some have treated you in the past. Otherwise, I think it’s just part of being human and accumulating life experiences. My mum in her 60’s has been conned by someone she thought was a friend but who turned out to be a user. It’s horrible to say that it may happen again, but it’s also, in my opinion, wrong to cut yourself off from gaining new friends because you fear every hand that’s offered. Maybe their motives aren’t genuine, in that case they are the stupid, nasty ones, and I think it is better to have trust in your heart then the desire to hurt and use someone, so even if you do fall prey to someone along the way, at least you can dust yourself off and get on with your life knowing it was because they were the bad one, not you.

I have had these same problems. I know exactly what you’re going tru. There are people that have done me wrong before or have done some “shady” things to me in the past and now i find my self second guessing everything they do to be “nice” to me but I feel like it’s their fault for being shady and not mine - I am more distant from them now but I also let it happen naturally by being very polite to them when i saw them while also keeping them at arm’s length. I still do not confide in and trust the person who did these “shady” things to me, but we still talk and they still confide in me and i am nice and supportive and I’m always there for them - - so at least i know I’m being a good friend and MY motives are pure. hope this helps - good luck =)

I have the same issue :(. Explains my lack of friends. Being cynical is great as a survival attitude in jail, but besides that it doesn’t really help you. My life sucks because I’m such a cynical moron.
I’m REALLY waiting for a solution to this…