friends help: Ok, so I’m finally about to finish Highschool and I’m totally excited! - Help.com

Ok, so I’m finally about to finish Highschool and I’m totally excited!

I can’t wait for the future! My boyfriend and I are looking around for some apartments to move into along with our friend. This is all fine and dandy, but I have one problem. I’m an emotional wreck! And I’m not good at keeping it a secret. Every time I feel I have upset my boyfriend or I feel like I have done or said something wrong I will just break down. I can’t even stand up for myself in an argument, I just end up crying and in the end I’m always the one to say I’m sorry. It’s only with him though, no one else. When he is mad I walk on eggshells until he is all better. When I cry, I feel ashamed and the shame causes me to cry more. Don’t get me wrong, I not ashamed to cry… when I need to. But I have just completely forgotten how to stand up for myself. I never had a great self-esteem for myself but it wasn’t horrible. I was a very strong girl who didn’t let anyone mess with her, you know. I was probably even a little too hard. But that all went away during my last year in middle school when I started going out with a very abusive boyfriend. I wasted two years with him and lost all the self-confidence I had. I ended that relationship over 2 years ago and I am now in this wonderful relationship… but I’m still very scarred from the past and I want and need to recover from it. I just don’t know how. I know if I don’t take control of this I am going to lose him. I’m aware that we are still very young and there is a small chance of us making it to the very end. I just feel horrible because he doesn’t understand what I went through and still am going through in my head. If we break up, I don’t want this to be the reason. I want to be able to respect myself again and be able to stand up for myself. I hate feeling so weak! I just need some advice, I’m ashamed of how weak I am and hate letting myself become vulnerable in front of people I know, so I think it will just be better this way.

This open post was written 1 year, 6 months ago | V/U/S: 332, 5, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post missjojo12 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. missjojo12 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 6 months and has 2 posts and 25 replies to their name.

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friends, Emotion, school, Head, girl, reason, Self-esteem, middle school, High school, Year (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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☆ online Verified User (2 years, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 329 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (27 minutes after post)

Hi congratulations you are almost done with school. We can be very emotional as of the moment. Do not worry that sometimes you would feel weak to the point of vulnerability.

How old are you? are you going to be serious about sharing an apartment together?

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 7 months) Long Term User Shouts: 133 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (29 minutes after post)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SAFk0…

See This Video!

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missjojo12 offline Verified User (1 year, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 day, 4 hours after post)

(To: lilies) Thanks :) I just hate that I have been like this for such a loooong time, you know. I hate that I cry over the most simple thing and I can’t even control it. Well, as of yesterday we now have an apartment and are moving in this coming sunday, so yes I am very serious about it. :)

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An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (1 day, 4 hours after post)

You are welcome. I am concerned because maybe you just need to vent some things with someone who can be all ears on you? was it like this in your family, did you have the chance to speak your mind? or were your feelings repressed at most times?

I am asking because, it might be the same thing with me.

Please make sure that this is all you want…sharing an apartment with him. Be careful with the decisions you will be making. How old are you?

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missjojo12 offline Verified User (1 year, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 6 months ago (2 days after post)

It’s not that I need to vent, because I vent all the time. I don’t hold things up inside. It just has to do with the fact that my last boyfriend made me cry every night. If he called and I didn’t pick up by the 2nd ring, he would get mad at me and hang up on me. Like, he made me cry all the time. He abused me emotionally, verbally, mentally, physically, pretty much all of the above. He would belittle me and make me feel like the dirt under his shoe. I never cry when I get into a confrontation with anyone else but my boyfriend just because of my past. Even though he doesn’t abuse me in anyway I cry when he is upset with me. I don’t know how to defend myself from a guy anymore. A guy friend, yes, but a boyfriend, no. With my abusive boyfriend, I wasn’t allowed to leave my house unless I was with him. And now even though I am out of that relationship, I’m still afraid to leave the house. I keep the phone by my side because I don’t want him to get mad if I don’t pick up when he calls. And when I do miss a call from him I call him back crying apologizing that I didn’t pick up. And then he gets confused because he doesn’t understand why I think he is upset with me. It’s just because I was trained to be this way by someone else for so long that I don’t know how to stop.

I’m so comfortable with my boyfriend, but it’s just when problems come up I can’t handle them. I forgot how to fight in a healthy way, you know. I just turned 18. This is what I want, I would be getting an apartment even if I wasn’t with him. The apartment we have is literally a walk away from home. If it works great! If it doesn’t it’s not going to be a surprise to me because I am aware that I am very young. I’m not nervous about moving in with him, I just want to be able to get into an argument with him without bursting into tears.

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