life help: hello everyone.

omid3heza

London, 17, GB

hello everyone.

I sincerely wish all your problems will be solved. I wish all of you a happy life, and may you never ever fall into hardship or every lose hope. I am posting this to empty my heart, and discuss with whoever is bothered to listen, a few problems which i am facing in my life. I really need to speak to some1, but bcoz of my status, im unable to do so. my family are great, they think highly of me, and they all see me as a success, but the truth of the matter is totally the opposite. I have a wife, who i love with all my heart but i have not been loyal to her. I dont even know where to start. i will not go into detail regarding my life, but here it goes. I am a student who is married and i am 22 and my wife is 20, we dont have our own house, we live with my mother in her home and my wife is also studying in college, and i am studying in university. last year bcoz of homelessness and similar financial problems I failed my 1st year in university, bcoz i was forced to work, but i did not giv up studies, and i repeated my first year this year, due to the fact that i am repeating my first year, the local authorities didnt pay my fees, and they only paid an amount for my living expenses, and given my status it was not enuf. but nevertheless, i went thru the hardship and sumhow managed. my wife had saved a sum of money in her account so that we can use in emergency. in the middle of the year, i was struggling to pay bills, althoug i was workin, but my hours were not enuf, and i wasnt paid enuf. i felt really depressed, i blame myself for everything i am about to say. I was really depressed and i turned to some drugs to be able to get off the stress and the depression, it was then wen i was introduced to gambling. i will make it short, i lost all my money, all the maintenance loan i had recieved for living expenses, and also i even lost all my wife’s savings. it all totalled up to £6000. I know, it was my fault. it is my fault. i made a mistake, a big mistake, and im willing to be killed for it. i was ill. gambling is a disease as they say, and i was severely ill. i coudnt help myself. i dont kno how it happend. it happend in only ONE week. just one week. can you imagine that? i lost everything i had in my life. All my hopes for living. all gone. ofcourse i hav stopped now. but i havent paid my university fees, i will not be able to take my exams, and yes i did ask the university for help, the rejected me. I will fail again this year. i dont think anybody in the world more of a failure than me. Not only financial wise, but also relationshipwise i have not been loyal to my wife. i will not go into detail, but i am an ill person. I am mentally ill, i need help. lots of help. i know everyone has problems. but my problem is going to lead me to suicide. I dont know wat to do. my wife doesnt know all our money is gone. i have taken her bank card for her not to notice, but i dont know how longer i can keep it a secret. and no, i cannot discuss the issue with them bcoz with my wife its happend before, she went thru so much trouble trying to save up that money, and i lost it in a few spins. i know i am stupid, i am crazy, i am everything you want to call me. I dont hav a heart, i am a careless person. I know, i know i know. But my psychological problems caused all this. i was still suffering, and i still am suffering from last year’s problems. i was happy, all happy, until i was introduced to gambling by fake friends. they call themselves friends. i dont blame them becoz it was my fault, but i wish i had never been their friend, so i wud hav never been introduced to gambling. i actually wish i cud die and not hav to worry every night about how to get money to put in my wife’s acount so she doesnt notice. i wish i cud die and not hav to worry about how to get money from somwer to pay my fees so i can take exams so i can pass this year. iv already failed one year. i am a total failure. i know. i was a good person. i had built a very good spiritual relationship with myself. i had everything under control, i had faith in my ability to pass the year, i was looking forward to pleasing my wife, my family, and everyone else, i was hoping i cud help my family build a financial base, and help them hav financial freedom. how many times will i have to disapoint my wife, and my family. i cant face them anymore. iv turned to people for help, but it seems everyone has their own problems to worry about. i hav nobody to talk to. i know there’s nobody who can help me. iv even asked god for help, but i dont think he can hear me. I dont know wat to do except to try and hide the reality until i can provide the money and put it in her account. I am not human. I wish i could tell my wife how sorry i am. I wish i could tell my family how regretful i am. i wish they would understand that i really do regret everything, and i truly am sorry. i wish i cud tell them everything without them getting disapointed at me ONCE AGAIN. i wish alot of things. I had never had one single wish come tru, even i hav tried my best to reach them. I dont know wat to say anymore, even though it feels i can type forever. but im sorry if i disturbed u with my actions, and if you read this and thought to urself “this guy is inhumane” then im sorry for gettin u upset. i already feel sorry for my wife, and my family for having som1 in their lives who has jus ruined their lives without them yet noticing… I am sorry everyone, i am sorry god, i am sorry to exist, it was never my choice to exist, if it was my choice to exist i wud never hav existed.
i wish everybody a happy life wherever you may be…

This open post was written 4 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 123, 3, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Reciprocity (0)

Since writing this post omid3heza may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. omid3heza is a verified member, has been around for 8 months and has 1 posts and 1 replies to their name.

Post Tags (11)

Money, university, life, Family, Gambling, heart, Person, Year, live, Cud, life,money, family (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (3)

Where were you?

Click and drag to move the map around. FAQ: How we place people on this map »
You can also watch events on Help.com as they happen

Mouse over the map for 2 seconds to see an expanded, interactive view

thesilence 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months, 2 weeks ago (7 minutes after post)

check my recent post on what i think about life, like what ithink about when its hard. just learn from what youve done, you can make life better and start over, its not gonna be easy but it takes time. i wish you the best

Help me with: i dunno if anyone finds this somewhat insperational but,

Nutmeg 22 #
Vancouver, BC, CA | 4 months, 2 weeks ago (4 hours, 24 minutes after post)

Ok. 1) First of all: YOU did this. Not your mental problems, whatever they may be. YOU went and did that first spin of gambling.
Now, once you’ve accepted the responsiblity 100%… yes. Gambling IS a disease. You need to get help for that NOW, and you need to NEVER EVER go into another casino in your life. You clearly have a problem, but you can manage it.
2)Next: No. Whjat you are saying is, you are willing to die for your mistake, you are going to kill yourself, you want to get out. You can’t! That’s escaping the problem. It’s the coward’s way out. You don’t want to do that. You have to deal with your own problems by getting through them.
3)Having said that: you are COMPLETELY human. You messed up. Everyone does. Go to your wife, right now, and confess everything to her. She has the right to know, this is her money too. She’s going to be furious. She may not speak to you for a long time. But you have to be honest with her, because if she finds out by accident, she’s going to be even more furious.
4)Re: your financial problems. Concentrate on passing this year, right now. Talk to your mother, and ask her if she will pay for living and so on for the rest of this year, if you can only pass. Then, ask the university for a one-year deferral or break of some kind (most universities will allow this), and spend that year working to pay her back. After this, you may be able to get another loan of some kind.

You made a few VERY bad mistakes. That doesn’t mean that your wife won’t love you any more. It doesn’t mean that you’re a failure, it just means that you made a mistake.
Your family trusts you. Don’t give up, just because you messed up. Learn from your mistakes, don’t do it again. Apologize to everyone you hurt, show them this post (well, parts of it) to show them how you are feeling.
To me, you sound as if you are blaming your mistakes on everyone, your friends, God, the fact that you ever existed… no. That’s not the problem. You made a mistake. Accept it, and accept that it was YOUR fault… and move on. Make it up.
You are perfectly human. Don’t feel bad about yourself, just because you aren’t perfect.. no one is :)
Now go, apologize to your wife.

Ok. 1) First of all: YOU did this. Not your mental problems, whatever they may be. YOU went and did that first spin of gambling. 
Now, once you've accepted the responsiblity 100%... yes. Gambling IS a disease. You need to get help for that NOW, and you need to NEVER EVER go into another casino in your life. You clearly have a problem, but you can manage it.
2)Next: No. Whjat you are saying is, you are willing to die for your mistake, you are going to kill yourself, you want to get out. You can't! That's escaping the problem. It's the coward's way out. You don't want to do that. You have to deal with your own problems by getting through them.
3)Having said that: you are COMPLETELY human. You messed up. Everyone does. Go to your wife, right now, and confess everything to her. She has the right to know, this is her money too. She's going to be furious. She may not speak to you for a long time. But you have to be honest with her, because if she finds out by accident, she's going to be even more furious.
4)Re: your financial problems. Concentrate on passing this year, right now. Talk to your mother, and ask her if she will pay for living and so on for the rest of this year, if you can only pass. Then, ask the university for a one-year deferral or break of some kind (most universities will allow this), and spend that year working to pay her back. After this, you may be able to get another loan of some kind.

You made a few VERY bad mistakes. That doesn't mean that your wife won't love you any more. It doesn't mean that you're a failure, it just means that you made a mistake.
Your family trusts you. Don't give up, just because you messed up. Learn from your mistakes, don't do it again. Apologize to everyone you hurt, show them this post (well, parts of it) to show them how you are feeling.
To me, you sound as if you are blaming your mistakes on everyone, your friends, God, the fact that you ever existed... no. That's not the problem. You made a mistake. Accept it, and accept that it was YOUR fault... and move on. Make it up.
You are perfectly human. Don't feel bad about yourself, just because you aren't perfect.. no one is :)
Now go, apologize to your wife.

Help me with: Help me study!

This reply has been removed.

Invite Others to Help

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.

life help: hello everyone. - Help.com

hello everyone.

Reciprocity (0)

Post Tags (11)

Replies (3)

Invite Others to Help

Help.com Homepage