marriage help: Pain.Parents.Abuse.Runaway.Trouble.Pray… - Help.com

Thats extremely rough, sorry you have to go thought that. Have you ever tried to sit down and talk to your mom about how you really feel like your telling us just tell her.

You witnessed him choking his kid? You can report that to child protective services, you can even report him annoynomously if you are to afraid to tell them who you are.

I’m sure your Mom loves you, I won’t defend her, but she might have some problems to overcome herself. Was she a single Mom for a long time? Is her husband abusive to her?

Wow my heart goes out to you. But i really dont know what to say and it breaks my heart. I hope your brother is fine and that your mother come back to earth and realize how much her actions are effecting you and your brothers lives. Im black and it just makes me upset that he would show hate to children. Its ashame some people are still racist/prejudice. And you should have the right to see your father.

I understand and feel your pain and no you did not do anything to deserve this at all.

If you’ve personally witnessed him doing other abusive acts (such as the racial slurs and the choking) then the police will probably believe you more than your mom does. Especially if any of your siblings can back you up on it. Your mom might have her judgment clouded by the fact that he’s nice to her and she likes him back, even if he is a bad person. Be sure you KNOW he’s bad before you do something like call the police on him, and be sure you’re not doing it just because you don’t like it. Do it because he is a danger to your and your family’s welfare, but make completely sure he is as bad as you think beforehand.

If you have talked to your mother and she is not seeing what is happening, you need to call Child protective services. It is better for you and your brother. They will force her to see what is happening. She can not just keep on denying it. If you saw him choking your brother, even if that is not the incident that caused this injury, it is still abuse to choke a child.

Where are you now? Are with friends or something?

Oh Honey,If what you say is true,you are right to seek help and your brother needs you more than ever.Im wondering about the doctors,the hospital when ethan was taken in.Was there any suspicion on their part? In any case,personally I would do anything and everything to get you and him out of that home to prevent any more damage.From what you said,if your totally honest and OPEN with us.YOU did NOTHING wrong so dont allow those thoughts to override the truth.its natural to question yourself,and healthy,but its not healthy if its undue guilt.

About the doctors-that may be where the truth and proof is that you may need.And get an adult you can trust to help you like a social worker.Lots of times you young ones dont get taken seriously.

If it’s the truth, It’s not your fault…Your mom just doesn’t truly see what’s going on because she doesn’t want to. I think she just wants to stay in a happy place but it’s hurting you and your brother. If your mom is that selfish you should take your brother and go becuase if she’s waited this long and still hasn’t gotten it, she probably won’t anytime soon. GO somewhere you’ll be safe like a good friends house or even one of those abuse clinics. But while your brother’s in the hospital you should tell the people at the hospital something about what happened so they don’t let your stepdad in the room. Hope this helps a little because I know what’s its like to get abused when you are little.

Maybe your mom doesn’t want to see it. Maybe she’s scared.
Adults have trouble admiting mistakes too.
Running away, not helping.
Talk to her. Call CPS. Call an adult outside the home. Talk to a nurse. Talk to a police officer.
Do something, but face the problem. Otherwise it wont go away.

I know you probably don’t want to tell the authorities because you love your mom and you can try to protect her as much as you can but she is not getting that you and your brother need help…from her. You need to let another adult you trust know. Any adult you trust.

Well… you see, when we become parents they don’t send us to a training class (not much of one anyway), and the baby does not come with a manual. Each baby is completely different then the last and really should come with a manual, but DOESN’T. ALSO, life does not stop for a parent after birth. It would sure be nice if it did, and there were no worries accept the well being of the little cherub that was brought into the world, because that is what most parents WANT to focus on. But the bills, the house, the job, the relationship… little if any of it goes away. There are pressures at the level of adulthood where your mother is at that you can’t yet really appreciate. NOW that I’ve said that, I need you to know I AM NOT justifying ANYTHING your mother is doing, I just want to make sure that you know we parents can have so much on our plate it’s easy to loose perspective. Your mom has a man in the house again, do you know how much easier that can make her life? Just in shared expenses alone?! Again… it’s not an excuse, just an observation.

All this being said, your mom obviously needs help. I know you are protecting your brother, but at the same time you’ve abandoned your mom, and the poor kids that are still there. Are you wrong in what you did… H#LL NO! Is there a better option, perhaps. I agree with others, if there is abuse in the home it should be reported to officials. Get that taken care of first. If mom is not seeing it, it because she chooses for some reason not to see it. Find out why and address that issue, I’m willing to bet she doesn’t want to loose the help of someone she at least originally cared for. You didn’t mention how hold you are, but if that’s your picture you look pretty young… and I’d hate to think of you on the streets with a two year old.

Wow I’m sorry you have to go thru this. Maybe you should tell CPS. Your mom loves you guys but in the moment she is in a fog. How old are you?

So what do you think since posting this?

im so sorry to hear what is happening.. this is terrible.. do you have family members in which you can tell your concerns too?? someone who is going to listen to you whole heartidly… please know that you did nothing wrong.. understand too… that if he is violent.. violence comes in many many forms… physical, verbal and emotional.. if he is verbally and emotionally abusing your mom… she is being brainwashed into believing that he is not an abuser.. that he could do no such thing… excuses is what he is good for.. thats it… please understand that this might even be out of your moms control.. mentally… because of abuse.. please.. talk to someone… a family member or even a school counselor… someone needs to help you and your little brother.. not to mention your mom… many hugs… shie.

*hugs* I am so sorry you’re going through this. Of course you did nothing wrong!! This guy is a real creep, and your mother seems to be blind to it, being newly married. The people above gave excellent advice… you should definitely report what you saw to the police, and also to the doctors, because perhaps they can tell whether that is how your brother got the injury. If there’s no easy way to talk, call the doctor’s office privately and state your concern over what happened the day before possibly causing your brother’s injury. How DO they explain the fractured skull?!! Try to get this through your mom’s head what happened the day before. Just stay calm with her, but assure her that you are not imagining things and this is the truth, and she should quit being blind. Either which way, the man is evil and you should take steps now to get you and your brother away from that situation. Do not HESITATE to report it. Your mom may not believe all this now, might be angry, etc., but someday I think she’ll appreciate it, and you can prevent anything worse from happening at the hands of that man. Under the circumstances, maybe there’s a way you can stay with your Dad or some other relative? …. talk to your Dad about the situation too and hopefully he can help get this straightened out.

You’re a very brave girl, I’m glad you are trying to get out of this horrible situation and looking after your little brother like this. Report what you witnessed, tell them you’re not sure if he caused the injury but it seems very likely… and either which way the abuse is wrong. It’s the best thing you can do for the safety of you and your brother!! Be strong, you’re doing the right thing!!!

Hello poster, how is it going?

you have some really good advice here, and I would suggest that if your brother is willing to truthfully say what happened, and it turns out to be your mom’s husband who did this to him, you both go talk to the proper authorities. I know it’s a big step but perhaps the courts will take a look at this case and allow you to be with your dad for a while… It may be that the authorities want this person to take parenting classes… or they may investigate further, but that’s shouldn’t be your concern, hun the concern is to your safety and your family.

It is so unfortunate that parents place thier children second when they remarry, not all do, but some do not want thier lifestyle to change because this is better than being a single parent and doing it all over again. It sucks but I want you to know you are not alone. Your mom does love you, and it may just be that she’s in denial right now because she doesn’t want to admit that her choice in men brought this all on you. It’s her responsiblity and some people can’t or don’t want to accept the fact that they goofed up majorly.

If you are talking to your dad, I would also talk to him about this, and keep a diary/journal of every negative interaction you have your brother too, with your mom’s husband. Having it documented even if you have had an argument, or if he said a racial slur will go along way in a court battle or discussions with the proper authorities (cps?)

please keep yourselves safe and for the time being… do not say or do anything that will provoke a confrontation… Advoid this guy as best as you can.
Take good care of you, and please let us know what happens. We are on your side and support you in this!

If i were you I would call your father. Hopefully he can help you get through this

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