MittensInSummertime edited this post 3 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
HA! Wanna know what f*cked up thing my mom did now?
She got drunk. Got upset, as she always does when she’s drunk. Decided to go out on the road to visit her friend in Rhode Island (we’re in New Hampshire.) Drunk. Left in a storm-off, quite mature.
My dad and sister say they’re handling it. Ha! This is hilarious. Oh, what a great night. The people that could be killed because of her. How f**king funny.
It gets better. Well, Heather (my sister’s girlfriend, my mom’s surrogate daughter) texted me to tell me this. I was in a great mood tonight… ignoring my mom. Why shouldn’t I? Well, sometimes (like tonight) I need to get involved, but before I was ignoring her. Actually, Heather just told me to call the cops. Then I asked what was going on. Found out. And you know, I agree with her about the cops. I feel really bad for the kids that could get killed because of her drunk driving. My dad, and sister, told me that wouldn’t solve anything. I truly hope she will get arrested anyway, because if I do call them, I’ll get in some serious trouble.
Lovely. Just a fantastic night. Can’t wait til tomorrow, when we won’t talk about it.
I am so sorry that you are no longer feeling great! You have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now and it is not fair that you mother has put your family in this situation. Calling the cops on your mother may not be the best idea, however if she hurts someone I would hate to see you have to carry that burden. You are an amazingly strong young lady, but this is more than you should ever have to bare. I know you mom has had some tough times lately, but turning to alcohol can’t help the situation. Maybe you need to call a serious meeting with your sister and father and make a plan of action to help your mother and protect people she may hurt. You should tell your dad that it is not fair that if your mother kills someone on the road, you too will have to carry the guilt. You need to force your father and sister to talk about it. I know this is very unfair, because you are the youngest, but it needs to be done. Your mom needs help, and you can’t help her on your own. It is unfair for Heather to ask you to call the cops. If Heather feels the cops should be called she should do it herself. Have you tried calling her friend? How will her friend react to her behavior? *hugs* I am so sorry for your pain!
*hugs back* It’s strange, but I don’t feel that bad. More pissed out of my mind. I would never be able to actually call the cops on her, but really, I’m the only one who would suggest that in my house. I don’t say family because I know Heather agrees with me.
Really, all my family is involved. My aunt, uncle, Laurie (the friend she’s going to see), essentially everyone. My dad is in such denial right now. He told my sister and I that “when we got older, we’d understand.” I told him I understood just fine, but that when I got older I hoped I wouldn’t be as weak as her.
It’s the truth. I truly hope that.
I wish that a serious meeting would help, but we’ve basically had that and it got nowhere. Honestly, I’m not going to give up, but I don’t think they’re ever really going to get the picture I see. I hope they will. If they don’t, well, I don’t know what will happen.
We’ve been calling her friend on and off all night. She’s talked to my mom, and has tried to get her off the road. So far, she’s still driving.
Heather lives so far away that she really can’t call the cops. I see where she’s coming from, but I also see where she’s wrong. So, I won’t call the cops. But next time, I’m not hesitating.
I actually don’t think you are wrong at all to want to call the cops.
I frankly think you should print both these posts and ask your father and sister and mother and all those aunts and uncles for one more meeting and ask your mother to read your posts out loud.
I’m certain whatever is wrong with your mother makes it very difficult to function. I can have sympathy for that sort of confusion and pain. But she has no right to risk injuring or killing others who are managing to cope just fine.
Your father is very wrong to tell you that one day you will understand because it seems clear to me that you have a pretty healthy grasp on the situation, and I’m sad for you that he isn’t putting his kids first.
Best of luck to you! I hope you find a way to reach your mother, and I hope even more, that you continue to find a way to understand you and your mother are separate people and while it would be way cooler if she wasn’t a mess, you have the ability to make choices and not be a mess yourself!
(((hugs))) Terrible.. place to be. I am very sorry you are having to try to find a way to deal with this.
I agree with Maximina, and Mariposa….
Call a meeting… when she is not under the influence, and can think straight.
Tell her exactly how you feel……
And that you want her to get help…
and to promise to never.. ever.. drive again… while drinking.
Maybe do some research on alcoholics, online,
maybe go to some support groups for families of alcoholics….
Maybe get some pictures..
of cars.. etc.. after.. a wreck….
paste them on the mirror in the bathroom, and several other places in the house.
Maybe put up a story or two, of people that have lost loved ones, to people
driving drunk.
Also, find out what happens to a person that hits or kills someone under the influence.
Put that up there too.
consequences…….
Then, after fully presenting your case…
tell her that if it should happen again…
that you love her…
BUT, YOU WILL TURN HER IN.
For her sake… to prevent her from doing something to really go to prison for.
and also, to prevent her from hurting someone…. that is innocent.
And believe me, the ones that get killed… are usually always.. innocent.
The drunks survive. (sorry, that is rough.. but, true)
maybe even contact MAD Mothers against drunk drivers.
They can offer support, and advice.
This is a very hard situation…..
But, I can tell that you truly want to do the right thing…..
And it is not fair.. that you should ever have to feel guilty, because you didn’t.
God be with you. (((hugs))))
keep doing right.. you will never be sorry.
Great advice Silver, but I am not sure if you know the whole story with her mother. Her mother has some serious health issues that may be affecting her judgment. Mittens some should talk to your mothers doctor and see her her behavior is related to what is wrong with her. It is quite possible what is wrong with her is affecting the part of the brain that deals with judgement. Did your mother drink before she became sick? *more hugs*
She’s always drank, I think. She’s not an alcoholic, I don’t believe. She’s not addicted to drinking. Rather, she drinks when she can’t handle her emotions. The drinking then causes her to get overemotional and ruin her rationality. I really regret that I didn’t express how amazing of a person my mom usually is, because I was so pissed. Maybe I’m in a bit of denial too.
At least I can recognize that.
She sometimes lets her emotions get the best of her. I love my family, I really do, but they can be so screwed up… almost all the time, these days.
When my mom is upset, she pulls all of us in with her. Compared to my sister, who usually only pulls in Heather and I. My dad and I… well, we don’t get anyone involved. I don’t like showing emotions (I know, I know) and my dad is… well… my dad. But I’m finding more and more these days that the drinking is happening. It’s not to the point that she’s more drunk than she isn’t, but when she is drunk, she’s entirely unfair to my sister and I. For example, about two months ago (?) my dad was sound asleep and my sister (kind of my protector) was away for the night.
She came home drunk, and tried to read exactly what I was writing on the computer. It was just something little I was working on, some story or writing assignment, but I did not want her to read it. She yelled for a while, I think. Then, after I managed to turn my computer off, she stood in my room. She refused to leave. It was about midnight and I wanted to sleep. She didn’t leave to let me get changed into pajamas. I have no idea why. She told me to change with her in my room, and that she wouldn’t look. I refused. She told me to pick up my room. Keep in mind that it was very late at night. I did. She then told me to clean up invisible mess. I told her I was going to bed, and left her in my room. She then took everything that was on the floor (my blankies, my cell phone, and a few other things that really had no reason to not be on the floor.) I was really just trying to be left alone. I can’t remember much after that, but I know she refused to get out of my room. By the time she finally got out, it was about two am. She went on the computer. I cried myself to sleep.
I swear, I’m not trying to change the story so my argument sounds better. Sometimes I question that myself… am I just being a teenager about all of this?
I don’t know. I can’t tell. I don’t know what’s going to happen. We’ll probably pretend like this night never happened, like I did for that night.
Sorry for the long response.
I would absolutely call the cops. Your Mom is more than likely an alcoholic and she’s never going to change unless she begins to feel the consequences of her actions. Your Dad and brother are simply enabling her disease by making excuses for and protecting her.
What amazes me most, Mittens, is that you are doing this for the right reasons. Not out of anger toward your mother, but out of concern for the other lives that might be affected. That’s a very commendable thing to do. I’m sure I’ve told you this before, but you are wise beyond your years, kiddo.
Have you ever considered ALA-TEEN? I think you could maybe use some support with this.
MittensInSummertime wrote:
She’s always drank, I think. She’s not an alcoholic, I don’t believe. She’s not addicted to drinking. Rather, she drinks when she can’t handle her emotions. The drinking then causes her to get overemotional and ruin her rationality.
That’s a pretty good sign of alcoholism, btw.
Mittens I know from our talks how much you love your family, especially your mom. People who are emotional drinkers often are alcoholics. You don’t have to drink all the time to have a drinking problem. You need to have a heart to heart with your mother. Is there any other adults outside your father and sister that you feel like you can talk to about this? I know you family has undergone a lot of stress recently, so it really might be necessary to have a family talk. Maybe you guys need to plan some fun time together to relieve the stress you are going through. I am so proud of you for sharing your feelings and for trusting us enough to let us know what is going on. You are an amazing person and I know you will get through this! Maybe you need to encourage you mom to go to counseling. I still think your mother should talk to her doctor to see if what is wrong with her is affecting her judgement.
*I’m sorry, Mittens. I meant to say your Dad and sister. I don’t know where I got that from, but you understand the point I was trying to make.
Maybe she is an alcoholic, thinking about it. I don’t know. I know she’s going to talk to my uncle (a recovered drug addict and alcoholic) about her drinking. I’ll make sure of that.
I don’t let her drinking affect me that much. I honestly don’t. Only when she does sh*t like this is when it affects me. I’m quite happy most of the time. I understand a lot about what she’s going through, but I can’t relate to her. I can’t quite relate to the stress of her life, though I think she underestimates my life often.
You know… I overheard my parents talking last night. My mom said something about “six months to live.” My dad responded with “is that what they’re saying now?” and my mom said something like “not right now, and I don’t believe that.” Honestly, it scared/shocked me at the same time. I don’t know what to think of it. Six months to live? That’s until December. December is when bad things happen. What if it does come down to that? I hope I heard that very, very wrong.
My mom has been going to therapy for I think a year now. It’s helped her. I’m pretty sure she’s on meds for depression, but I’m not positive. Actually, I don’t know if she is. I know she was at one point.
I checked that site out, TJ, thanks. :) I’ll read more into it when it’s morning and I’m a bit more coherent. It’s been a loooong night.
I really don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I hope my family won’t just pretend like it never happened. Because number one, she left us, driving drunk. (Which my dad keeps denying. He said that she wasn’t drunk. So maybe she wasn’t drunk, but she had been drinking, it’s night, she’s extremely upset, and it’s raining. I think that makes it about equivalent to drunk.) Not only that, but the entire family was involved. It’s happened before. And if they pretend like it didn’t happen, I’m going to bring it up and bring it up and bring it up until they want to throw things at me.
If I don’t, I swear, next time she’ll have stolen a plane and’ll be on her way to California, drunk, because “she needed to get away”.
Thank you so much for your words, guys. I’m definitely calmer now.
(Again, sorry for the d*mn long response.)
Oh, and I’ll ask her if she can talk to her doctor. I don’t think that’s the case, though. I think it’s just adding to the stress, not physically affecting her.
Never apologize for long responses. It is our pleasure to help you. Like I said early I am very proud of you for sharing your feelings and it is ok if you are not always happy, no one is! I agree that her condition may not be affecting her judgment, but it is worht looking into. Is she taking any meds for anxiety? So that is what you heard that upset you. No one every knows exactly how long they have and there are many times doctors are wrong. You should ask your dad about what you heard. It is quite possible that you heard wrong, but even if that is the case it is better for you to know what is going on then pretend like nothing is wrong. I hope things are better for you in the moring. *goodnight hugs* Please updat me tomorrow. I am here for you if you need me, either on help or through email.
Yes, never apologize for long responses. In fact, I think that all the other posters should apologize for not being you.
TJ [Hearts wrote:
E.L.]Yes, never apologize for long responses. In fact, I think that all the other posters should apologize for not being you.
TJ has a point! :)
Maximina *packing* wrote:
TJ [Hearts wrote:
E.L.]Yes, never apologize for long responses. In fact, I think that all the other posters should apologize for not being you.
TJ has a point! :)
I didn’t think it was possible to smile that much :D
I’ll definitely update tomorrow. *goodnight hugs* I’m going to go to bed now. I’m not tired, but I need the sleep. Desperately.
Thank you so much, again. You guys are truly amazing. :)
Mittens, I’ve thought about your predicament, and the best thing you can do is to continue being a rather awesome person and stay focused on what you need to do in this life.
You are quite eloquent and articulate. I cheer you on to continue in the path you have chosen. and make no mistake about it. You are making choices that people twice your age are incapable of making, for whatever reason. Have an extraordinary life, even if that only means you continue to follow your innate moral compass and keep friends who do the same and one day have a child who never has a clue about the difficulty of your own childhood.
I don’t say things like G-d bless very often because I don’t know you or your G-d, but for what it’s worth, I believe the still, silent voice that guides us all is clearly guiding you, and I am thankful for it, and I hope that continues to be a blessing to you!
sorry i got here late hun… great big hugs sent straight to you.. as for your mom.. she is very irresponsible and immature.. i can not believe that your dad would allow her to do such acts… so your dad is at fault for allowing your mother to do what she is doing.. with out saying one word to her about this.. especially when there are innocent children involved.. as for calling the cops.. being that that is your mother.. it makes a huge huge decision for you.. because as you said.. your ‘family’ would be all ticked off at you.. but it would surely make a life lesson for your mother.. sometimes we need something so tragic in our lives to make us see the real light.. or to make us wake up to reality.. if you find that you yourself can not call.. maybe even talk to someone who you can trust.. someone you can send a quick text too next time and let them call.. that way, your hands are clean.. many hugs.. love shie.
ok, sorry but i didnt feel like reading that entire thing, like all the replies. so, i did u call the cops???
Mitten how have thing been?
They’ve been fine. Okay, I guess. I haven’t been, but thing have been good.
why haven’t things been good for u?
I did not see this before. It sucks, and there are several problems involved. Denial is one of the creepiest problems involved, and you are very right in adressing the matter.
Listen much to Maxi on these things! She is very experienced in teenagers with difficult situations at hand.
Max
mariposa2008
Silverwings
Shie
:kay:
molotok