Love help: Mommy want to be… - Help.com

how old you is?

16 and he’s 18

in wrote:
I’ll jizzum in ya, then you can have that little bundle of joy.

jizzum?

oh I see now.

I want my bf’s children k? Even if that’s just a joke to you what I’m dealing with is serious and I could really use some help right now.

It’s not unusual for you to have these feelings… it’s just very unwise. Statistically, across the USA and UK, childbearing as been delayed until the late 20’s early 30’s. In the 1940’s, women of their late teens and 20something were having kids, but their husbands had just come back from the war, and the government had issued home loans etc, to make a start much easier. Social development has slipped an entire decade. Now, young adults don’t even move out until the mid 20’s let alone buy a house. BUT, ironically, more and more young women of your age seem to NEED babies. This I feel is due to the shaky childhood you grew up in. Do you have a father that lives in the same house as your mother? You are no where prepared to have a baby… you boyfriend… yeah… maybe he’ll be there for you… but statistics say he won’t - what will you do then?
Bright blessings ~ Richard

You are so absolutely not ready. Not financially ready, not emotionally ready, and not physically ready. Trust me. Don’t get pregnant now- it’ll be a huge mistake. The poor child involved in this.
Your relationship probably won’t last. You’re only sixteen. You’ll eventually move on… a child will only complicate this.
You’ll hate yourself if you get pregnant on purpose. When you’re more mature, I guarantee, you’ll hate that decision.

Richard cor de lyon wrote:
Do you have a father that lives in the same house as your mother?

No, my mother kicked him out of the house when I was three.

in wrote:
F that, he’s a punk if he doesn’t want to cummie it up.

Like I said we haven’t much talked about it.

MittensInSummertime:
I know all this and keep telling it to myself over and over but as soon as I see a young child or go into a store and see baby stuff I just get this feeling that I am ready and all of that. Is that a normal way of feeling? And is there anything I can do to stop or just put off this feeling for a while?

I agree with Mittens. One day you will have a child if that is what God has in store for you. Someday when you are an adult you can have a wonderful family, but not now. Do you have any young childen in your family? I know it’s not the same, but helping others with thier kids can be fun.
Also, have you ever done that program that some schools do where you have a pretend baby to take care of to learn more about what it takes?
At the school where i work girls put on something that simulates pregnancy and then they have to take care of doll that crys and wakes you up at night. it is a good way to see what you would have to go through. Someone at your school guidance or health office might be able to set you up with this.

in wrote:
You just need to get prego and then it won’t matter. You’re BF is not going to care. Just bring that baby into the world and let the working class care for it. That is what they are there for.

Hell no I and my bf are well enough off to take care of a child. We do not need to get aid to support a child that we brought into this world.

It will be OUR choice and WE will take care of it even if we have to have his family involved.

I’ve checked and we don’t have any kind of program like that, the most they do is just give you a baby doll like from the store you give to young children.

I have nieces and nephews but I have never seen one of my nephews and my half brother refueses to let anyone know where he and his new family are my other newphew and niece of the same brother treat me like a stranger and my last niece of my other half brother live two states away and I’ve only seen her once.

Have you taken care of babies? Do you know anyone who has a baby? You should take care of some babies for awhile. Have you ever been in a deliver room? Have you ever been with someone who was going through labor? Have you witnessed a delivery? You should get some experience first for awhile. I mean, get around other ladies, or young mothers. Get around babies. Get around pregnant ladies. See what it is like. If you go by what you are thinking and feeling right now. That is not enough to make a decision like this. When you have children, it changes your whole life.

That rude person has now been banned from the site for their inappropriate remarks.

just remember once you have a child you no longer get to be one. I know when I was 16 I loved to hang with friends, talk on the phone 4 hours, stay up all night, sleep all day, buy cool stuff for myself, party, go to movies, date, eat crappy food and a million other things that made ME happy. Once you become a mother, and I’am sure you want to be a good one, your baby is your only hobby. True, every once and a while you can get a babysitter (if you can afford one) and catch a few hours away but for the most part if you are not at work making money to suport your baby you are with your baby doing baby things not teenager things. Belive me you get to be a grown up for a very,very long time enjoy this time while you have it…without a baby!

Hun, trust me, you’re not ready. It’s hard to wait, but remind yourself that what you see in children is not what you’re going to get. Having a baby changes everything. You essentially give up your life. First of all, there is the pregnancy. Especially at such a young age, it’s risky. Pregnancy is hard. Then the birthing process. You’ll probably be at higher risk, since you’re so young. If the baby has problems, you’ll need to deal with them financially and emotionally. It’ll take a lot out of you. After that, if you and your baby have made it this far, you need to start in on the world of real motherhood. You will have a new knowledge of bodily fluids that you never wanted to have. You’ll be tired out of your mind. It’s a full time job, and you won’t be able to go to school without being away from your child. No one to take care of them? Well, no more school. Babies cost money. If you’re not already bad off from the pregnancy and hospital care, well, you are now. Bottles, diapers, food, cribs, blankets, toys, doctor’s appointments, etc. Even I’m not sure of how much there really is to pay. If you aren’t in school, you can’t get a job. Your boyfriend might leave you. Can you even pay for your own expenses? It will be a struggle. A huge one. After this, you still need to raise your child. You need to know how to hold babies, change a diaper, know if something’s wrong, know infant care, know when to take them to the hospital, know everything. If you slip up on one thing, you put your child’s life in danger. It’s not just the essentials, either. You need to know how to do things that you’ve probably never heard of before. If you can’t afford something, your child will suffer. After getting through sleepless nights in the beginning while recovering from pregnancy while learning how to care for your child, they’ll grow into a toddler. Toddlers are just as much work as an infant. Do you know how to potty train? Do you know how to deal with a temper-tantrum? This isn’t a babysitting job. This is full time. You’ll have to read to them, love them, be with them every time they need you. You’ll have to deal with sickness, stress, and their suffering. Your life will be put on the back burner. By this time, a lot of married couples can’t make it through. Do you think you and your young boyfriend will still be together? By the time your child is two, you’ll be around eighteen. You’ll be struggling on your own. If you and your boyfriend are still together, you’ll be trying to work on your relationship at the same time. At the same time people your age are out partying and having fun with life, you’ll have a screaming toddler to deal with. If you think something like “I’ll still have SOME time for myself!”, you’re wrong. You won’t. You won’t even be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom in peace. You’ll have to brush their teeth, get healthy food onto the table for them, and make sure they go to the doctor and dentist when needed. You’ll have to make sure they’re happy, and loved. Don’t you dare get them involved in your personal life. If you’re struggling, they can’t know it. It will only hurt them. You’re the adult now, and they’ll be the child. No backing out. If you get pregnant, it’s life changing. I haven’t even gotten into the details. This is just the basics. The vague basics. I could be wrong about one or two things. But the rest… well… it’s all right.
If you choose to have a child now, it will be the most selfish thing in the world. Remember these things as you think of your desire. Realize that you aren’t ready to be a mother. You’re just ready to love someone. One day, if you really want to be a mom that badly, I’m sure you will be. But make sure it’s when you’re ready. If you do it now, you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons. Try to focus on yourself, and what’s missing in your life that you’re trying to replace with a child. Are you lonely? Because really, having a baby will only increase the loneliness. You will never feel more alone.
So the next time you feel “ready” to become pregnant, think of the reason behind that instead. Think of what I’ve said in this response. You know in your heart that you aren’t ready.

Your body is telling you “Have a baby” because this is the time when humans are SUPPOSED to have babies… unfortunately, in today’s world, we aren’t ready economically. Its normal to want a baby, but it just wouldn’t be fair to the kid.
Maybe you should go work at a daycare, or offer to babysit your neighbours kids. Or get a job as a nanny, where you have to do all the duties of a mother.
I’d at least wait until you’ve finished highschool and moved in with your boyfriend.

Sander611:
I have been around babies almost my whole life; my younger sister came when I was two and a half, I used to help my mother when she ran a daycare, in daycare I used to help out A LOT! I have been around lots of women who are pregnant or just had their babies not long ago and I just get this jealous feeling inside of me.

[quote free-2-B-me]just remember once you have a child you no longer get to be one. I know when I was 16 I loved to hang with friends, talk on the phone 4 hours, stay up all night, sleep all day, buy cool stuff for myself, party, go to movies, date, eat crappy food and a million other things that made ME happy.quote]

that’s just it I truely never got to be a child and all that so no matter what I really don’t care and whenever I do have kids either early or later in life I want them to have the best childhood I can give them. My friends live to far for me to hang with so we only hang out at school which is almot over and then I’m going to a new school where I know no one. The only person I talk to on the phone is my bf, I hate shopping so buying stuff is like get in get it get out for me.

MittensInSummertime:
I know you mean well and trust me when I say I am trying my hardest to try and believe all of this and apply it to my thinking but I just keep answering all of your questions i.e. Do you know how to potty train: Yes, helped with my sister, etc.

And I babysit my older friens’s almost 6 year old autistic child about 3 or four times a month and when he has his little(most of the time big) fits I’m able to calm him down in a matter of seconds.

To All:
And I’ve felt like this before and I don’t know how but I always stop myself and put off wanting a baby but it doesn’t help when everytime I’m able to help a new mother or whatever they tell me “Wow you are going to be such a good mother” even my own mother tells me this at least once a week but I know she isn’t hinting at me to get pregnant. She’s just confusing me even more really and it’s not like I can just go “Hey mom I want a baby with my 18 year old bf, is that alright with you?”

I think you’ll be okay. You have some experience. You have taken into consideration what others have warned you about. I think you’ll be okay, whatever you decide. I think we all just want to protect you because we’ve been through it. Not that babies aren’t adorable. They just are work. They are your life. Everything you do, you’ll have to take care of them first. I think people just want to protect you.

I have a grandson. My son and his girlfriend got pregnant at age 14. They were 15 when my grandson was born. I was very upset. They were together only for a year after the baby was born. Then, she got another boyfriend. And, my son started doing drugs. My grandson is 10 years old now. His mom and dad are married to other people. They live in seperate states. They have other children. His mom will let my son see my grandson anytime he wants. He pays child support. My grandson’s other grandma and grandpa live close by him. They are very well off. My grandson has a dream life. So, he is ok. His mom is very well. My son is very well. I think I was the only one in the family who was upset about it. I just wanted the best for everyone. I couldn’t see that what they did was the best thing. But, it is ok. We just have to live with our mistakes, forgive ourselves, and go on.