friends help: How can i compete with his ex?

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How can i compete with his ex?

I am a 24yr old female living in manhattan. I’ve dated around and hooked up but never had a serious boyfriend. I usually lose interest in guys after a month or so. I dont know why, maybe commitment issues, maybe i’ve been too immature, or maybe just haven’t found the right guy yet…who knows. i started seeing this guy at work and it was amazing. We would have so much fun together and eventually after a few afterwork happy hours we started hooking up. He was living with his girlfriend at the time we started which made me feel terrible but i liked him so much that my morals went down the drain. i know…i’m terrible. after a few months his girlfriend, who he had been with for 7 years gave him an ultimatum. Marry me or i’m moving out of the city. he wasn’t ready to marry her and she moved out. so him and i started seeing each other more. about 8 months of him cheating on his girlfriend with me and they finally broke up. they both realized that they were only together b/c they were afraid of being single and had already put so much time into their relationship and didn’t want to waste it but it wasn’t working. so after they broke up we started hanging out a lot. i met his friends and they all assumed we were dating. i spent a lot of time with him and his friends and his brother and even met his father casually at a bar during his birthday. And in front of his father this boy would have his arms around me and treat me like his girlfriend which i was loving. All his friends took turns telling me how cool i am and how fun i am and we’re really cute together. we basically were dating but we never had that talk about what we are. So we never officially stated that we are dating. lately the confusion of what we are has been getting to me so i decided to have a talk with him this week tomorrow night. however, yesterday he tells me that his ex has been calling him wanting to get back together. When they broke up, she was the one who broke up with him though they both felt like they were pretty rocky for a long time. Now i’m freaking out b/c how can i compete with his ex girlfriend of 7 years. they have so much history together and theyre both dependant and comfortable with each other. theyre families have met before. they were eventually going to get married. I feel like i can not longer be that girl on the backburner that he can go back to when things get rough with the ex b/c i’ve fallen hard for this guy. the first guy i’ve ever actually really liked. he can be such a jerk and selfish and confusing and weird but depsite all his flaws im crazy about him. and he definitely has feelings for me. he gets jealous when i mention other guy friends, not in a crazy way but in a cute way. the past few months i’ve spent most of my time with him and his brother just hanging out and havign a great time. i’m not mentally prepared to end this with him but i know this state of confusion of what we are isn’t healthy for me but once i bring it up tomorrow night it’s all or nothing. i mean he can choose to move forward with me or back with her and i am terrified. im not ready for it to end but i have do something. i’ve never done a post like this before and i really hope someone responds with some good advice. i would appreciate anything good or bad that you can tell me! Thanks for your help. hearing other points of view will help me to step outside of the situation and see it for what it is.

This open post was written 1 year, 5 months ago | V/U/S: 1,074, 9, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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friends, state, Hanging, Boy, Month, girl, Year, father, night, Tomorrow, boy issues, relationship advice, ex girlfriend back in picture (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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Anonymous #
1 year, 5 months ago (5 minutes after post)

How rude of him…if this guy is even considering getting back with his ex he should not be involved with you…….

payal.dili 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (7 minutes after post)

wow thatnk you so much for replying! i was sitting here thinking is anyone actually going to take the time to read this!
it is very rude but 7 years is a lot of time. wouldn’t anyone tkae time to consider giving it another try if you had alrady invested 7 years into the relationship?

Anonymous #
1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 10 minutes after post)

He lied to his girlfriend for eight months to be with you…and you knew about it. It’s true that sometimes it’s hard for people to leave a long term relationship. Maybe the break was so that he could think about what he really wanted. But don’t compete with his girlfriend. Don’t wait around for him. You have to find strength within yourself to let him go. No matter what he told you, he was ever really yours.

I hope that you will never let yourself be ’second’ to another woman again.

Tictactomm 2 #
Edmonton, AB, CA | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 24 minutes after post)

His got some serious rebound issues here sister. You might want to put some distance between the two of you while he sorts out his priorities.

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logout 1 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 56 minutes after post)

Be WHO you are. If he likes you then he has to like you for who you are for anything to work.

The best thing you can do is have a word with him. Ask him what you mean to him.

I mean…i think you should always be prepared for the worst in a relationship.

“love is giving someone your heart so they could break it, but trusting them not to”

Its tough being with someone. But you gotta work it out.

I wouldn’t worry about the 7year thing. I mean…yeah they’ve been together for a long time. But your there now and he’s chosen you. Its not like he didn’t have a choice…he COULD of chosen her. If he loved her THAT much he would of done. But he didn’t and he choose you. It has to count for something. But you need to try and talk to him ASAP. You cant just have fun with him if you’ve got this on your mind.

good luck & all the best hun xxxx

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SharaC51 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (2 days, 7 hours after post)

I JUST got out of a situation like this. The guy I was dating for four months broke up with his gf of a year and started dating me right after. Then, to make a long story short he started talking to her again. A few days ago he dropped the bomb on me and told me he was getting back with her. My advice is to give him space. If he wants to be with you he’ll realize that he misses you and come back. If he goes back to her then he was never really yours in the first place. There’s not much you can do but speak your mind, be yourself and hope that the guy doesn’t make the wrong decision :)

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harrie_ 0 #
An Unknown Location | 6 months, 2 weeks ago (11 months, 1 week after post)

You never want to be the rebound girl - make sure your not or the relationship will always be shortlived. He needs time to get over this girl if he wants to make a clean break make sure you are not the first person he is with after it… You will never win - think of it like you had just ended a long relationship - would the first person that you got with be potentailly a long relationship?
Remember it is always easier to go back instead of moving forward. Sounds to me that this guy isnt strong enough to deal with moving on yet. If he is then he will come back to you if it is meant to be, but i certainly woulnt be holding my breath. Move on and upwards if he sees you can live without him its the only story of people always want what they cant have.
Thats just what I think anyway

tonithrasher4 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 3 weeks ago (1 year, 1 month after post)

I have been in this situation before, too. He and his ex had been dating for almost three years, had been through everything together, and even had a child together (sadly, the child died at birth). When she broke up with him, I was his rebound. He did not treat me well at all in the beginning because he was so focused on rekindling his relationship and having a second chance at a family. This continued for a good six months before I finally gave the ultimatum: either treat me better and act like you love me instead of just saying it, or I’m gone. I shouldn’t have waited that long, I know, but I was young and stupid at the time. Fortunately, he got the message and did a 180, which took some time to do. We’ve been dating for two years now, and while both my pain and his pain are still there, we’re helping each other through it and things are getting better day by day. The point: rebound relationships, especially after a relationship that significant, are by far the hardest relationships to make work. But they’re not impossible. You’ve just got to decide for yourself if the relationship (and the man!) is worth the time, tears, and effort (you will expend a lot of each!). Good luck in your decision.

furiousfushi #
An Unknown Location | 3 months, 1 week ago (1 year, 2 months after post)

Well, I dont have too much advice but wanted to let you know that I share your pain. Right now I have a Man in my life who I am not committed to but feel that he is the one. we have been dating for seven months, everything has been wonderful untill his ex calls. Now he is confused and doesnt know what to do. Today I talked to him about it. I told him that I will give him time to think things through but I am not going to wait for long. I will spend the same time to re-analyze myself, th erelationship and my options. I think the best thing to do in this situation is to be strong, be a women and maintian your dignity. If all that you siad was true, he will be running back and when he does only accept him on your terms. If he doesnt call you back, its his lost.

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How can i compete with his ex?

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