Love help: I (Don’t) have a mother - Help.com

You have the same problem that Anne Frank did, your mother treats you more like her friend than her daughter. Tell her that you need mothering, and she isn’t doing so.

You do have a mother, just not the kind you feel that you need. Unfortunatly, we don’t get to choose the family we are born into. Just keep trying to talk to her, but don’t expect her to change very much. She is who she is as much as you are who you are.

quizzie wrote:
You have the same problem that Anne Frank did, your mother treats you more like her friend than her daughter. Tell her that you need mothering, and she isn’t doing so.

And we all know what happen to Anne Frank…

In all seriousness, I guess it sucks to have a mother that isnt a part of the things you want her, However, it will probably just make you stronger and a better person. Because I was in a weird situation with my father, by not having in my life during the school year, but I look back on it and it made be a better guy. It sucks yes, but we are only given one mother.

Well…you gotta sit down and talk to her about all of this. She may not notice but because she is so stressed she may know things but not remember when it comes time to talk to you.

When she wants to talk to you take that oppertoonity to your advantage and talk to her…just because she may not seem much like a mom dosent mean she isnt your mom…you just have to find the time to talk to her about everything and then figure out what you wanna do.

please…do me a favor…i dont know you and you dont know me…but please dont let yourself loose your mom, I recently lost my mom and babysister…and its the worst feeling in the world to know you dont have that connection anymore…

sit her down and talk…and then let me know what happens and if you wanna talk more im here for ya promise.

Coming to grips with the fact that she may never be who you want/need her to be is going to be important to you as you grow older.

You’re obviously very smart. Please recognize that continuing to blame her for not being who she can’t be isn’t going to help either of you move forward.

Some constructive steps that may help you:

a) Find a female or even male relative (sibling maybe?) or parent of a friend who will be willing to set aside some time to talk with you about stuff that’s important to you.

b) Recognize that you may have to set your own limits in some areas since your mom can’t do this for you.

c) Forgive your mother for doing the best she can, even if it’s not enough for you. EVERYOne is always doing the best they can, even when it’s crappy. It’s reality. In the long run, you’ll foster a more loving relationship that will sustain you throughout your life if you can let go of blame.

d) Set up check ins with your school to review school work. Ultimately this kind of stuff will be your responsibility, you’re just going to assume that responsibility earlier than most other people. In the long run, you’ll create discipline for yourself that will make it so much easier for you to succeed as an adult. This is really not a bad thing. You’re basically ensuring your own strength and independence.

e) Repeat item c. Let go of blame. It’s caustic and won’t change the situation. Even if you were somehow able to make your mother understand she’s not performing to your expectations, she may never be able to do any better than she is AND she could end up getting buried by guilt, self-hate, and more. My sense is you really don’t want that.

f) Remember this is all temporary. Soon you will be 100% responsible for all of the choices in your life, and their results. Give yourself mad props for paying attention and getting your needs met, even if that’s not thru your mom.

g) Talk to other adults, not in a way that accuses your mom, but in ways that helps you get your needs met in a variety of ways. Get creative. Make it fun for yourself and you’ll feel better about a lot of this.

I wish you much good luck.

At least you ave a mother, dont forget that

we gotta the same kindof mom