relationship help: In an abusive relationship. - Help.com

You need to leave. Is there somewhere you can go? Do you have family you could stay with? Or go to a woman’s shelter.

I’ve been in an abusive relationship before. Its hard to get out of.
The best way is to stay with a friend for a while, break up with him over the phone, because if you do it face to face there is more of a chance of him getting angry and hitting you. once you break up with him, stay at your friends place for a while, make sure he doesnt know where you’re staying. try not to go out to an area where you’ll be alone.
Best of luck!

I dont mean to intrude but she is married to this man and he has bipolar disorder. Hes seeking professional help and hes on medication but its just not good enough at the moment and this woman need to know if there is anything else she can do

oh, i didn’t know that he has bipolar. Still, nothing excuses being abusive. has he talked to his doctor, told him that its bad? maybe you should?
maybe try some counselling, separate and together?

I dont know if you are going to get any answers here because people who give great advice on topics like this have been banned. Hopefully someone will read your post and understand where you are coming from and guide you on what to do.

You need to have a serious talk with him (in a public place). Tell him you love him more than like crazy and you are committed to him. But tell him that his anger needs to stop. Tell him that you are afraid for yourself and even more afraid for the baby. Tell him that if he hits you then you will not live with him anymore until you are sure he will be safe to be with.

Does he hit you?

He knows he is abusive and apologizes for it but he cant control his emotions because he is bipolar. I know im not the poster but i really want her to get help that she needs

I agree with whats been said, go to therapy, talk to the doctor. Maybe theres somewhere where he can learn to control his anger, get control of his condition.

People who are bipolar can control their emotions, especially if on med. Being bipolar is not an excuse to hit.

If he hits you. You must not stay with him any longer. You can stay committed to him while he gets a handle on thing while you live separately.

this is not your fault, you can not blame yourself for this.

ncgir wrote:
We already live with my parents until we find an apartment. He is my fiance. He has bipolar disorder and anger issues. We just had a baby in January, and it seems like his anger toward me has only gotten worse since then.

Where are his parents?

ncgir wrote:
He has a therapist in addition to his doctor. He has hit me on 3 separate occasions. I know that there is not an excuse for this, but I cant help but wonder if I am doing something wrong? Shouldnt he be able to control his anger with therapy and meds? I feel like I am trying so hard to hold our family together, but I dont know how much longer I can deal with him not being stable.

You mustn’t let him hit you. He could kill your baby in a fit of rage. It is not ok. What ever you are doing, it is not ok for him to hit you. You need to:

Cell wrote:
People who are bipolar can control their emotions, especially if on med. Being bipolar is not an excuse to hit.

If he hits you. You must not stay with him any longer. You can stay committed to him while he gets a handle on thing while you live separately.

And then stick to it. Don’t allow him to abuse you. Tell him you will continue to love and be faithful to him while he gets control over his anger.

I agree with cell, i think you two should separate until he gets this thing under control. Because he could hurt you and the child tremendously. And anon is also right it is not your fault at all so dont ever think you are problem. He has to deal with this on his own for the sake of his family

Letting him abuse you isn’t helping him either. If you really love him then you will protect his child from death and make sure you do all you can to get the help he needs. Letting him continue to abuse you will not be helping him.

Did you know that it takes less that 30 seconds to kill a baby. It only takes 3 shakes and the baby will have permanent brain damage or be dead. You can’t risk that.

I know all this is hard to accept because you know how wonderful he can be and that he is a great father/husband. But just know you are doing this for you and your family’s being

then you need to point out that he cant keep blaming it on his condition. maybe you should research some stuff on bipolar, maybe there are sites that have examples of things that he can use to control his anger?

Do not accept the blame.

If this keeps going on, though you will know who to blame. You need to make it stop one way or the other.

He carries the child when he’s enraged? That doesn’t sound safe. He slams the child into the crib to hard and he’ll never wake up.

He’s a good boyfriend/husband-to-be who’s bipolar, and he needs help…and you need to help yourself and your baby. Has he been hospitalized? You said the meds don’t seem to be working.

If he suggest breaking up than so be it. Tell him that you want him when he’s in control of his behavior. Yelling and hitting are not ok and will not be accepted.

What he’s doing is not your fault. But allowing it to continue is. There are some lines that must never be crossed. Hitting is one of them.

Think honestly about wether looking at your whole life in the future you want this relationship and the consequenses of it. You know what it would be like on some level already.

I understand that you are hurt but we can only give you advice we think is suitable for your situation. I myself have never been in your situation so i didnt try and give you as much advice. But it seems like he is blaming his abuse on bipolar. Do your research and make your decision based on what you have found out.

Cell im not trying to offend you or critise your advice but i dont think that is working. You are just making her more and more upset, which is making her want to defend her fiance even more

Cell wrote:
He carries the child when he’s enraged? That doesn’t sound safe. He slams the child into the crib to hard and he’ll never wake up.

It’s not a fairy tale. Just be honest with yourself.

I didnt mean to reply anonymously

That guy is a mess. My husband used to act like a freak too. Now its twienty six years later, we’re still married but I’ve devoted all this time to trying to have a non abusive relationship with him. We didn’t even have a kid untill recently. Very hard way to go. I wanted to do so much with my life.

What sets him off?

I didn’t want to bring this up but the man I was going to marry was bipolar. He kicked me 1x, when he was mad at me. I never told anyone. I was going to marry him, anyway. His father had been abusive.

Eventually I realized that because of his bipolar and the way he was raised he would never be able to hold down a job, never help around the house, never be there for me emotionally. It would always be me carrying almost all of the responsibilities by myself.

He was fun-loving and so exciting. He loved me and I loved him. He would have married me.

But I broke up with him on his answering machine. Then I ignored him. We had been together 2 years. He has never gotten married. I regret dating him. I gave him a glimpse of a normal life and a love that he would never have.

This post is too painful for me. I must unsubscribe.

I hope you can figure something out. Best of luck.

I don’t always think it was.

There are so many damaged people out there. Hardly anyone has had a decent upbringing. If you really love him, don’t get caught in his spell. Take a hard look at who he really is and feel your love to get you both through.

Ncgir i think you need to listen to cell like i said earlier. I wish she wouldve stated that earlier before she unsubscribed from this post. She knew more than we thought about your situation. I think you need to leave him because it is not going to get better. He needs to fix himself before he marries any body

Don’t leave your child out of your mind for your decision.

And you are accepting the fact that he abuses you because of his childhood and because of his disorder. I also looked past the fact that he hit you because of his disorder but i think we both know he has a problem with his disorder or not. Be honest with yourself: Do you think he wouldve hit you even if he didnt have bipolar? Because when you say he crys and apologizes repeatedly after the fact sounds like every other guy who beats their wife/girlfriend. Thats why they stay with them because they know their men are sorry and know they are a good person. But they regret not leaving sooner because it didnt get better like the guy said only worse. So until he gets better you should worry about you and your child

My husband used to hit me every once in a while. I left him the first time it happened. He appologized and a few years passed and it happened again in front of my 4 year old. I told him you know she saw what you did. I noticed one time shortly after that, that he had gotten very angry for somthing that seemed small and his countence had compltely changed. I showed him so much love but he needed more than what my love for him could do. Eventually, I separated from him. We have three children. I am fine, My children are doing good in school. We attend church and he moved to another city. I am glad he is in another city because I fear that he will kill me. One time he threatened to and then appologized for it. I can never trust him now. I just want my kids to be raised in a quiet Godly home. I’m making it happen, with the help of God. We separated in 1991. It’s 1998 and we are fine. I hope that your story has a happy ending like mine. It can only begin when you are free from the abuse. Check out what your community offers to help women get out of abusive relationships and see if you can use their services in some way, if necessary. Your child deserves a normal life with peace and security in the home. You may not realize it now, but you may be able to provide that yourself without him. He needs to get help for his problem. The doctor’s are still trying to help him. You have tried to help him. He seems to need professional help. Also, please don’t marry an abusive man.

I hope my testimony helps.
Sherry