writing help: This poem was written months ago but I am still unsure how I feel about it. - Help.com

This poem was written months ago but I am still unsure how I feel about it.

I wrote it after seeing Neil Gaiman’s “plot-enhanced” version of i>Beowulf /i>and thinking about the nice feel that it had to it even though it was such a complete falsehood in terms of telling the wrong story–or at least putting the wrong title on a different story rather than the one copied down by Bede over a millenium ago.

In the last Judgment, when the
molecules of the dead are
cobbled together from their diffuse graves
I will stand with the thieves,
the adulterers; even the murderers.
When angelic trumpets bray to split
our skulls and tear down every false temple
only the tears from my tribe will
dampen a tamped parade ground.
We will have time to worry at
our fates, our inability to beg forgiveness.
The rapturous, too busy soaring
in their small numbers will face the sky
and hear something only they will hear.
Shuffling at the edge of the blanket
you might call eternity, the rebellion
will consist of at least one escapee:
Demon-turned, manifest to an empty world,
entering the fens, shouting,
both arms still intact.

Rationalpsychic
December 10, 2007

This open post was written 1 year, 5 months ago | V/U/S: 125, 3, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Since writing this post gargantua may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. gargantua is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 5 months and has 2 posts and 9 replies to their name.

Post Tags (11)

poetry, beowulf, title, Demon, forgiveness, Split, Train, December, writing, Bede, Neil Gaiman (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

Replies (3)

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helpfulbelle4707 offline Verified User (1 year, 6 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (36 minutes after post)

I like it :) What do you mean you’re still unsure of how you feel about it?

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Help me with: I’m going to end up in the 7th level of hell!
pseudoniem offline Verified User (2 years, 4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 2 #
Den Haag, 11, NL | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 4 minutes after post)

It’s really good, especially the beginning. Is the end a reference to the film that I don’t get (I haven’t seen the film) or does it have another meaning?

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gargantua offline Verified User (1 year, 5 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 day, 5 hours after post)

Helpfulbelle–
With a poem, or any other bit of writing, there’re often question marks in my brain regarding the effectiveness of what I’ve written, could it be pared down more, are there areas that will or will not need expansion due to the feeling and/or idea being accessible to a reader. If I’m stuck or impatient, I often show poems to others to get a feeling for whether or not they’re finished.

Pseudoniem–
The end and Judgment Day are the same thing–but more metaphorical than historical. You don’t find me putting myself among the souls who vanish from the worldly plane and scoot straight to God’s side. Though that might be interesting for anOTHER poem. :)

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