life help: What do you do when people hate you for who you are ? - Help.com

You change who you are. Duh.

maybe people don’t like you because you are too sarcastic?

It just makes you stronger for staying true to yourself.. I get people take advantage because I dont look intimadadating. People sometimes misread me and think that means to take advantage of me… But somehow I feel like it is testing me to stay strong as to who I really am and not go the path of tuff guy who I am not…

Think about that: Is it really about who you are, or is it about what you do?

You can’t change who you are. You can change what you do.

In other words, if people hate you because you are prettier than them, or smarter, or less conservative, or more optimistic, or more playful, there’s probably not a darn thing you can do about that. So ignore the s.o.b.s and find other people to care about.

On the other hand, if people hate you because you’re always dropping snide one-liners on them, or putting them down, or acting like god’s gift to the trailer park, THAT you can change, and might want to consider changing.

One is who you are; the other is what you do. Capiche?

rowass(the great) wrote:
You change who you are. Duh.

do the opposite of this.
just let themm not like you.
they dont matter in the long run.
this took me forever to learn.

one more thing is when someone puts you down they are trying to level the playing field because they feel you are somewhat better then they so there way of dealing with this is to put you down…Its kind od a twisted compliment

I agree with theresape! You don’t need to change who you really are to please anyone… just ignore those who don’t like you and move on to find people you are compatible with, if they are so intolerant. Be true to yourself. If, however, people dislike you because of certain things you’re doing that hurt them, anger them, etc., you should think about that and perhaps treat people in a different way. I’m not sure if the sarcasm is an issue here? Sarcasm can be a useful tool… depending on how it is used! :)

well hate is stemmed by three things, fear, ignorance, and morality. we hate what we fear, we hate what we do not understand, and we hate what our beliefs say is immoral. although hate can also be used as a tool, much like bullying, but this is partially an aspect of fear/envy. which one do you think these people hate you becuase of? do they fear you, or fear a social aspect of their own lives which hating you makes it easier? do they have open minds, or are they generally close minded and insecure about what they don’t know? does your lifestyle conflict with their belief’s structured set of morality?

focus on the people who accept you for who you are as opposed to the ones who don’t

name with no face wrote:
well hate is stemmed by three things, fear, ignorance, and morality. we hate what we fear, we hate what we do not understand, and we hate what our beliefs say is immoral. although hate can also be used as a tool, much like bullying, but this is partially an aspect of fear/envy. which one do you think these people hate you becuase of? do they fear you, or fear a social aspect of their own lives which hating you makes it easier? do they have open minds, or are they generally close minded and insecure about what they don’t know? does your lifestyle conflict with their belief’s structured set of morality?

Name, I agree with MOST of what you’ve said, but there is a fourth thing we hate, which is being assaulted. IF this person is being deliberated mean or insulting to people, TRYING to hurt them (perhaps because of her OWN fear or jealousy), then THAT is something she might want to change. I am NOT saying that’s the case. I am just saying it’s a question to consider.

Which brings me back to recommending that she differentiate WHO SHE IS from WHAT SHE DOES and decide WHETHER the “what she does” part should be reconsidered.

Do you like you the way you are? If so, who cares what other people think. If you don’t like the way you are, that’s when you should think about changing.

yae but we all can improve to some degree.. Were not all perfect and sometimes the outside world can be a barometer for positive change

I feel this way today also. My mother adopted me, and last night she told me she wished she could’ve adopted my friend instead. This was a big slap across the face to me. I always try to be kind, good and be someone she is proud of, but she never really is happy with me.

I struggle all the time about how I should “be”. I don’t think she is going to change…

What advice would you give me?

theresape, fear IS that fourth thing you were talking about… if we didn’t fear being assaulted then we wouldn’t hate the assault… it also plays into the morality aspect, becuase usualy being mean is seen as immoral, but it also builds a fear of the assault continuing…

theyeofisi wrote:
I feel this way today also. My mother adopted me, and last night she told me she wished she could’ve adopted my friend instead. This was a big slap across the face to me. I always try to be kind, good and be someone she is proud of, but she never really is happy with me.

I struggle all the time about how I should “be”. I don’t think she is going to change…

What advice would you give me?

Are you SURE you heard her correctly? She SAID that? Maybe she was teasing? I cannot imagine a mother saying that to her child. I am not calling you a liar, but I am wondering if you misunderstood something she said, or if she meant it as a joke and it just came out badly.

theresape, she says it. It isn’t the first time…she has some bad old habits.

OMG

It is hard to accept that she views me so negatively, but she does care about me also. That is why I have had therapy.

Thank you aeolian mode…somehow that response feels GOOD! I will live.

seems like she needs a little couch time also…

Ask myself why they hate me, check on my behavior.
If they are used to hating people, i would not wonder why they hate me too.
If i cannot change for them, i ignore.

theresape wrote:
Think about that: Is it really about who you are, or is it about what you do?

You can’t change who you are. You can change what you do.

In other words, if people hate you because you are prettier than them, or smarter, or less conservative, or more optimistic, or more playful, there’s probably not a darn thing you can do about that. So ignore the s.o.b.s and find other people to care about.

On the other hand, if people hate you because you’re always dropping snide one-liners on them, or putting them down, or acting like god’s gift to the trailer park, THAT you can change, and might want to consider changing.

One is who you are; the other is what you do. Capiche?

what a great way of stating the real issue here..

People dislike me mostly. I have learned to be content with it. Just find the few that are amazing, and go with it. I have found I am much happyer giggling at those who dont like me. Find a good support system of 2-3 people who love you no matter what and stick with them. Worked for me.

…kinda describes me. People don’t really like me. I dont know why, im friendly and all? ..but i dont really like them either so it works out. I have about 3 friends and thats all i need.

word Tsherlin.. thats me too.. and im happy with it