Lovesick, betrayal, misunderstanding, overestimating, over-relying..
The lethal wrench of your being that threatens to shatter a brittle happiness into shards of foreboding sorrow, dismay and dispair,
Another weak person has an iron grasp on your foundation of self-worth,
You had me,
You said that I had you.
Liar.
One epiphany or realisation on the true circumstance of the situation;
Throws you into a cacophony of heavy physical and mind-maddening grey mental illness,
Honey, my body aches so badly,
..I am aching so badly..
Steadily heightening in thought per second speed and sliding faster down a jagged cliff towards a shrieking nothing,
My entity is glowing with energy at this point yet despite its brightness it is making me sick,
You are making me so sick,
You seemingly instantaneously cease dwelling on me and forget,
Fall back into and lean upon who caused your spirit so much anguish and vast quanities of stinging tears and a numbing pain,
Into his arms.
When will my arms EVER be good enough?
They contain the power to heal and support a cruelly broken soul, someone who is hurting and unfairly alone in an artificial version of reality,
Yet this affection is never permanent.
No, discard me and run.
This is all that I will ever be good for.
This is all that I will ever be able to settle for.
Where as in the past my internal dialogue would be submissive and saddening; overly understanding,
At this point in time, my gentle head is burning with an intense flame of desire and jealousy,
My dear, I want this not to be happening so unimaginably badly,
I love you so much and if you were to ask me to warm myself with but a single thought; without question or wavering hesitation I would imagine myself holding you, or ‘god’ permit, yourself holding me.
The saddest thing that I’ve ever seen,
I refer to a darkly blurred image in my mind of a sickly silhouette of a man carving once deeply into his wrist and falling to his knees as his lifeforce drains rapidly out of his being, as he loses the physical strength to hold himself up any longer. I can almost feel the sensation of the awkward coldness throught my body through the lack of blood, the foggy loss of consciousness as my eyes flutter and slowly close my innocent and kind soul to the harshness of reality that has been shown to him.
I can’t decide whether this is a moment of fleeting happiness, or the ultimate realm of negativity.
I want to breathe in your rich autumn hair and begin to feel whole,
Breathe out so that I can breathe you in,
Tell me that I am getting it all wrong and assuming too much, too swiftly.
I can’t shake this feeling that I have,
My filthy hands in their guise of youthful softness and artistic skill have been soaked in a sickening black liquid of disdain and influence of death.
Someone,
Turn me around,
Say goodbye to everyone that you have ever known,
You are not going to see this ever again,
Can I stop this again..?
Can I start this again?..
I will bravely wear a smile in show for the others,
But how can I truly manipulate my mouth? When you have stopped me from singing?
You have stopped me from singing.
I’ve been changed,
Metamorphisis,
I can’t believe you!
I can’t hear you!
I can’t believe you if I can’t hear you!
Almost eighty percent of everything that you have ever said to me is seemingly faux..
Said that you would never..
But fly to the heights and acquire a true perspective,
I’ve been used again,
And it was you.
It has always been you.
Eyes flutter over countless pages of black and white text,
Absorbing wealthy information and gaining the knowledge that provides academic adequency,
It means nothing.
Everything means nothing, in contrast..
Because I cannot have you,
You will not have me.
Throat swells and the corners of eyelids begin to sting with the salt of tears,
Waves of merciless sickness roll and crash methodically inside of my stomach,
Begin to become aware of the stiffness of your ribcage,
Heart skips beats,
My heart chokes.
My heart is choking on the love that I cannot have.
I desire to scream the importance and rare feeling behind my romantic intentions,
All pleas or explanations shall fall on deaf ears,
The blind fall over into ignorant happiness or well being,
The aware stand up with heads dipping into a polluted cloud.
One epiphany or realisation on the true circumstance of the situation;
Throws you into a cacophony of heavy physical and mind-maddening grey mental illness,
My dearest, my body aches so intensely,
..I am aching so very badly.. :(
It has always been you.
You have stopped me from singing.
It has always been you.
The saddest thing that I have ever seen..
This open post was written 1 year, 9 months ago | V/U/S: 1,305, 29, 12 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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