Love help: My husband want separate!

3517

My husband want separate!

We have been togetter for 6 years ans married for 2 years.
He allways make fight from notting and he does not listen
he only belives i do not understand him because English is not my mother tongue.
Actually i do understand him but he want to belive ı do not.And he want to separate.
He said that he will get an other flat and we will see eachother i will be his girlfriends we will go to cinema etc.He said that he want separate because he loves me alot and the separate going to save our realationship.
But I disaggree because i thing the separate going to fnish all feeling and love we have to find away to fix our problems and take help or do something.
I feel he does not love me anymore this is why he want to leave but he is not sure about himse lf he want to be togetter again this is why he want to live door opens.I am thinking this because i gave so many ideas to do something to fix our problems but he does not accept even he does not want to talk.I feel my self with him like a book,a guitara,a computer when he want he will open when he does not want he will close.
I love him but ı do not know what to do.I said him that if he wants he can get an other flat but it means for me easy divorce not try to keep our married.But he did not accept divorce.
Please help me what to do? :(((

This open post was written 1 year, 5 months ago | V/U/S: 1,231, 14, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post 3517 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. 3517 is a verified member, has been around for 1 year, 5 months and has 2 posts and 19 replies to their name.

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marriage, computer, tongue, girlfriends, Love, divorce, Door, Year, Accept, Find (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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gimli 1 #
Marietta, GA, US | 1 year, 5 months ago (58 minutes after post)

I agree with you–if he wants to stay married then he has to be willing to get help in the form of conseling or something. Separating has its place, but you need to also find some other form of help. See if you can find someone for the two of you to talk with about the difficulties in your marriage.

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3517 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 13 minutes after post)

Thanks for your ansvers.
NO he is not chatting on me.I tryed to find someone of his friends because if his friends he can belive if my friend he will not but the ansver was your problem you have to keep talking eachother.And he is thinking that i do not accept that because of different culture.I can not belive that and felt shock.

gimli 1 #
Marietta, GA, US | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 hour, 53 minutes after post)

Different cultures can be hard to overcome, because of the unsaid expectations of the culture. Is your husband from a western culture? That’s the easy way to do it (rather than a western girl marrying into an eastern culture)…but I would expect that cultural expectations are a large part of the current difficulty.

What kinds of things are you fighting about?

Help me with: CBS is going to buy CNET.

3517 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (2 hours, 3 minutes after post)

He is from Spain abd he growed up in ENgland all his parents live England i am from Turkey we both from western.
For everything actually he always find some thing for example ;we want to sell our bike and it is my language ofcourse i will talk or i will explain what he said He was saying you have to sell it for 4000 and i sais no it is not possible because it cost maximum 2,500 this is the problem or he all the time says we dont have connections i agrree because all the time you are playing gitar.He came home at 16,30 and i allways be at home 20,00.i have dinner alone until 22,30 he plays gitar and after 22,30 he says he is tired not talkative mode or i go to bed because i start work earler then him.So many sill things we fight.

gimli 1 #
Marietta, GA, US | 1 year, 5 months ago (2 hours, 13 minutes after post)

Yes. It is critical that you devote some time to each other regularly.

Help me with: CBS is going to buy CNET.

centralcoastsingles 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (18 hours, 6 minutes after post)

He has checked out of the marriage. He wants to see if he can deal with being alone. Let him go and file for divorce. Don’t date him. Tell him that either you have to go to counseling together, or divorce. He is not into the marriage, so let him live on his own without you. Then you can find yourself a good man that will work with you, or you can come here and date me lol. Just tell him there will be no middle ground. Let him move out, then divorce. Don’t do it until he is out, and don’t warn or threaten him about it. You have to move on with yourself. I wish you luck.

3517 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (18 hours, 24 minutes after post)

Thanks alot for you.i feel more comfortable when hear this you are thinking the same me but as you know some times diffucult to do what you are thinking.I said him go,i said him do what you want,i helped him to rent flat because he can not speak any turkish and i said him exackly what separate means for me he is at home now with me,he sleaps in the library room,he is not talking with me onlt hello,he is going out last to nights (it never happened before),and i am trying to be relax because i dont want to fight i dont want to cry.But i realy lost my hope and i feel unproud he realy behave me like made mistake or i was wrong.

centralcoastsingles 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (18 hours, 44 minutes after post)

Don’t take it all yourself. It takes two to make a relationship work. Just let things go, and get him out as quick as you can and get it over with. If he is not willing to make it work, then it is done. Good luck, and if you ever get to California, look me up :-)

3517 0 #
An Undisclosed Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (18 hours, 51 minutes after post)

Thanks alot and thanks for your invitation and you to if you think go to holiday dont forget to look Turkey.
But you know i think i spend all the words to tell him i dont know how to talk because he allways make him right says to me i do not understan because culture i dont think so it is culturel different.

centralcoastsingles 0 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 day, 20 hours after post)

Okay, if you want it to be done and over with, check this in a translator site to be sure it is what you want, then write this in a note to him:

“I know you want to try a separation, but I am not comfortable with that. I would prefer that if you are going to leave, and not try to work things out, that we finish our relationship. If you decide to go, our life together is done. I will date other people, and so will you. I appreciate the life we have had together, and will always cherish the good times. It is time to say goodbye, and move on with our own lives.”

If you want to try to get him to work things out, then try this one:

“We have had some tough times, but I do not think either of us wants to just end things. I would like to have a good relationships, without fights or problems. If you think there is a chance, as I do, then we should see a counselor and work out our differences. We cannot do this living apart, so you have to choose to stay here and make it work. If this is what you want, then we will make it happen. Otherwise, it must be goodbye, and no dates or seeing each other after this.”

I hope one of those works for you. Take care and good luck

uncaged2 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (1 week, 3 days after post)

wow. im going through the same situation my husband and i have been separated for two years and dating. we have children, so ive been confused with what to do, and i recently just found out im pregnant. he promises to come home but yet time goes on and he makes excuses.when i say i want to divorce him. he threatens me with taking the kids and going after my property that ive aquired since the marriage. i do love him and i wish that the marriage could work but he isnt open to counseling. aa far as cheating im sure he is. he has keys to my place, but i dont even know where he lives. helppppppppppppppppppppp
tired in detroit

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tasseyk #
An Unknown Location | 1 year, 5 months ago (3 weeks, 1 day after post)

Oh, sweetheart, My heart broke a bit when I read your post — I am going through the SAME thing.

We have been together 5 years , married 3 and now he wants to separate because he can’t control him self to stay calm over minor things (my opinion — his is different of course).

the pain is aweful! I can relate to your experience. This is a question of just curiosity — is he US Military? Mine is and we met in Korea — I’m not Korean, I’m Canadian, but meeting away from your home country makes it hard to see who they reeeeeally are.

my husband gives mixed messages, just like yours — (mine)calls and texts me, tells me how much he cares, blah blah, yet still wants to separate). He wants to “date” me to and I am told like you might be, “Don’t date him!!” but then I wonder could there be logic to his idea and it goes back and forth in my mind — it’s very confusing.

Well, this is what I’m doing and/or planning to do
-I found a place to move that is safe and affordable (family helped with $ and he gave me a little)
-talked and allowed myself to be comforted by other woman who were or are married (single women have no say — they don’t understand)
- I dove into my hobbies. I am spending a lot of time getting out and enjoying my hobbies
-eating healthy, exercising and following the basic principles of taking care of self
-I am allowing myself to be sad about all of this situation — not allowed to be sad all the time, but when it is deep, I allow myself to feel what I feel - anger, abandonment, betrayed, stupid, sad, pathetic, scared and anxious
-then when I’m strong I write down my “plan” I have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C. A plan for with him and a plan for without him.
-when I listen to the radio and the sad love songs come on — and they all seem to be about breaking up or endless, undying love, I write the name down and promise myself I’m going to make him a CD. And years from not when he is lonely without me, :/ he can listen to the CD and remember he was the one who left ME and he brought his loneliness on himself — its a little sick… I know, but it helps me deal :)

I don’t know what your going to do. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I know we both have to do one thing, and that is —TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES! At what ever cost — because they are showing us that we can’t depend on them to do it, so we must do it for ourselves.

Sweetheart, you be strong. It comforts me to know that I’m not the only one to experience this kind of pain. It saddens me to know that this pain exists.

God bless you!

oh! and I pray… A LOT! that helps to know that God’s got my back, and I appreciate how he has covered me.

Oh, sweetheart, My heart broke a bit when I read your post -- I am going through the SAME thing.

We have been together 5 years , married 3 and now he wants to separate because he can't control him self to stay calm over minor things (my opinion -- his is different of course).

the pain is aweful!  I can relate to your experience. This is a question of just curiosity -- is he US Military?  Mine is and we met in Korea -- I'm not Korean, I'm Canadian, but meeting away from your home country makes it hard to see who they reeeeeally are.

my husband gives mixed messages, just like yours  -- (mine)calls and texts me, tells me how much he cares, blah blah, yet still wants to separate).  He wants to "date" me to and I am told like you might be, "Don't date him!!" but then I wonder could there be logic to his idea and it goes back and forth in my mind -- it's very confusing.

Well, this is what I'm doing and/or planning to do
-I found a place to move that is safe and affordable (family helped with $ and he gave me a little)
-talked and allowed myself to be comforted by other woman who were or are married (single women have no say -- they don't understand)
- I dove into my hobbies.  I am spending a lot of time getting out and enjoying my hobbies
-eating healthy, exercising and following the basic principles of taking care of self
-I am allowing myself to be sad about all of this situation -- not allowed to be sad all the time, but when it is deep, I allow myself to feel what I feel - anger, abandonment, betrayed, stupid, sad, pathetic, scared and anxious
-then when I'm strong I write down my "plan"  I have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C. A plan for with him and a plan for without him.
-when I listen to the radio and the sad love songs come on -- and they all seem to be about breaking up or endless, undying love, I write the name down and promise myself I'm going to make him a CD. And years from not when he is lonely without me, :/  he can listen to the CD and remember he was the one who left ME and he brought his loneliness on himself -- its a little sick... I know, but it helps me deal :)

I don't know what your going to do.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  But I know we both have to do one thing, and that is ---TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES!  At what ever cost -- because they are showing us that we can't depend on them to do it, so we must do it for ourselves.

Sweetheart, you be strong.  It comforts me to know that I'm not the only one to experience this kind of pain.  It saddens me to know that this pain exists.

God bless you!

oh! and I pray... A LOT!  that helps to know that God's got my back, and I appreciate how he has covered me.

This account has been deactivated.

mrlongs_00 #
An Unknown Location | 1 year ago (4 months, 3 weeks after post)

I lives in the bahamas and going through the same exact thing.My husband left to live with another woman.He comes by regularly and tells me he loves me and cannot live without me but,still is not taking the responsibility of coming home and being the man of his family.I love my husband very much and misses him dearly.I Refuse to sweetheart my husband.I am confuse cant sleep at nights.People telling me to do this and that. Oh iam saved and listen to his voice he covers meee I am sooo glad to know that I have sain peaple going through just a joke.Ineed help….

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jjj3 #
An Unknown Location | 8 months ago (9 months, 3 weeks after post)

WEll it helps to see I am not alone. My husband showered me with love and devotion in the first few years. I NEVER thought i would have to question his goals, feelings or commitment to me. Silly me.
I love him to death, but feel that we have grown apart. I wanted to stay connected and he wanted to disconnect in my opinion. After the kids- dont get me wrong he is a great dad loving, but I feel that there is an element of him wanting freedom.

I am scared I want him to realize that he just wants me and the kids. I think he has been conflicted for a while. He is younger and I think that as much as he doesnt want to admit it, that is what is coming into play. Like missing out on things he should have done back then. I was worried about this from the beginning but he was soooo sure!

I feel that I have been a patient and kind friend to him, but he has changed what I mean to him as a priority. I feel like i am a chore to him. It is so sad , I want him to feel the same way he did before, and you know I think he would like to feel that way too but just doesnt.

It is like walking on eggshells. Does he feel like he wants to stay with me today or not? It is not so much his words, althought he has told me at times he thinks about leaving, but his actions. He says we grew apart- but he is the one who distanced himself from me.

I feel helpless and feel like i reacted the way that pushed him away even more.

right now I am just getting over that distraught devastated feeling and able to acutally think about something else for 5 minutes. I lost 10 pounds and my heart just aches. I dotn want to loose him, but I am not desparate. close to it but I know I will make it - it is just so painful and scary to think he holds all the cards, i am just waiting for him to decide.

I am trying to let go but it is tough I still feel that if we reconnected he could see that we could have a great relationship.

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