Love help: I’ve known her about 3 months now. - Help.com

I’ve known her about 3 months now.

It doesn’t sound like long but we’ve gotten so incredibly close over that time.
I realised after knowing her about a month that I liked her a lot more than just as a friend, and told her. This was weird for me because I’ve never *really* liked someone like this before. I’ve had crushes, but nothing like this, and I’m not particularly confident - before I met her, I’d never dream of telling a girl how I felt.
At the time she told me she just liked me as a friend, which hurt, but I just had to deal with it. We stayed best friends, and just seemed to get closer and closer. It started to seem like she might like me more than just a friend. The looks she gave me just seemed so… loving. We’d stare into eachother’s eyes for what seemed like hours, and with hugs, we’d just hold eachother for 10, 15 minutes. Even by her admission, we were like a couple. It hurt me so much that we had to stay just friends.
The subject of “us” got brought up again, and she said she was confused. She says she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, which I appreciate. She also says she doesn’t want to risk out friendship. I don’t think it’s a risk.. even if we went out, then broke up, I’d still want to be her best friend. At least that way I’d know we gave it a try and it didn’t work out.
Today, she told me that she “loves me, but isn’t physically attracted to me”. It’s destroyed me. I’m no looker. Genetics haven’t been kind to me. It’s always been something I’ve worried about, but with her, it seemed like it didn’t matter. She’s beautiful, I’m not. I’d forgotten it was such a big barrier, because if I loved someone as much as I love her, I wouldn’t care what she looked like. She says that she’d have to be physically attracted to someone to have a relationship, though.
I know people will think of her as being harsh for this, but I understand her. I know she cares about me deeply - she’s phoned me in tears, telling me she just wants to stop hurting me.
Nothing ever makes me cry. In the last 10 years, I’ve lost 2 grandparents, lost a friend, and seen my parents go through a divorce. I can’t think of a time I’ve actually cried at any of these. It’s not that I wasn’t upset, all of them upset me greatly, but I guess I’m just usually good at coping with things.
This is something else. I threw up in work this afternoon, was nearly in tears at my desk, then started crying on the train home. I haven’t stopped since. Now she’s not sure if we can carry on being best friends either. I really don’t think I could get through losing her as my best friend as well.

This open post was written 3 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 169, 11, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

friends, Eye, Pain and nociception, Love, genetics, Dream, Train, divorce, Risk, Month, relationship, friend (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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