questions help: Bar Etiquette. - Help.com

10% is considered weak as far as tips go. If thats the sevice you recieved then the bartender needs to step it up. 20%+ is a good average. At a bar, tips arent just for service, they are also for personability (friendliness) Keep in mind, the more popular the establishment, the longer it can take to get a round. Its an industry standard the bartender has no control over. As long as we are hustling drinks, and not chatting with friends when its busy, just know we are working on it.

Anon…different states have different laws. Different bars have different pay structures. I make 2.13 an hour. Thats the general rule for most bars. So yes, We mostly live on tips. Vegas now…thats different. There are “show”tenders there that make salaries of 60K to 80K annualy + tips.

Queeny…
1. Tipping for the service is good. Any bartender will be very greatful for compensation ona free beverage. They woont look at you as a freak, just someone who understands what they do.

2. Will people notice a non-drinker at the bar. Yes. Bars are social environments. There is nothing wrong with being there and not drinking. Anyone who tries to tell differently, suggest they attend a meeting. :-)

3. There are only two reasons someone stares at someone in a bar. They either think your hot, or they don’t understand why you are there. Let them wonder.

4. Can I have your friends names? just kidding! Im happily married. Im a big flirt behind the bar. Most women like being noticed when they are out and about socially. It flatters them. I make them feel good. And I dont have to take them home to do it.

Just me…Im not a clubber either. I enjoy a good conversation at the bar. Regardless of which side I am on. Most places like this if there are two bartenders (BTs) on staff, they pool (split) the tip jars evenly at the end of the night. It keeps us from arguing over who waits on who. We look out for each other ensuring all patron get good service.

Anon…by the way, there are no stupid questions…sorry I didnt touch on that before. It was a good one.

WOW Galvy…you’ve been waiting for this one havent you. (smiles)here it goes.

1. bar fights are stupid! There are two types. The most common is when two people start yelling at each other and threaten violence towards each other. One, maybe two blows are exchanged before thier friends break it up. (which I believe is what they count on) The rare kind is one you dont see coming, one guy/girl has beef with another, walks over and starts wailing on the other. Anyone who tries to break this fight up gets caught in it. Before you know it…it turns into a huge brawl with most of the bar involved. I have never seen a barstool swing. Most drunk people dont have balance to swing that much weight without landing on the ground themseves.
(due to length, im seperating my replies for each question)

Galvy #2 Yes you got taken advantage of. Yes you should have said something, not to the bartender but the manager. Your bill would have been adjusted according to what you ordered. NEVER throw a fit. Always deal with stupid situations like this in a calm manner. Otherwise the bartender and manager will view you as being a mean drunk who didn’t know what he ordered. Some bartenders are shady, most I know arent.

Galvy #3. Hook-ups are a touchy subject. Hard to explain. I do hook up certain regulars, not all. If a regular comes in, spends hours at the bar and runs a lengthy tab, but under tips….they will never get the hook up. Bartenders take care of those who take care of us. Now for one beer, there is nothing I can do. First drink is always on the tab, has to be. If you have a beer in front of you, and a manager doesnt see it on a tab, then its considered that I am stealing from the bar. A terminal offense. What you can do is suggest to management they start a lunch time reward card. You know the ones where your 4th or 5th meal is on the house after they stamp you card. The meal is more expensive than the beer. Four ways to make that happen. 800#, e-mail, suggestion box, or ask to meet the manager. Your best bet is to express how much you love the place and how often you come. Then let them know that the bar down the street does it for thier customers.

Gavy #4. This one is touchy also. 90+ percent of the time, your right. Hit on them all you want…your never getting the booty. Realize it depends on the girl. The only times I’ve ever seen it is when the guy becomes a regular. He will go see her to talk to her. He spends a lot of money! Over time, if she feels that hes after more than just a night at the motel 6, she’ll let him take her out. Basically you have to prove yourself to her. Now Ive seen the opposite as well, but trust me when I tell you not to have s*x with a slutty bartender. You not only dont know where shes seen, you wouldn’t want to know either.

Galvy #5. Its not the bartenders that set the prices, its the club owners. Usually, neither sleeps alone! :-)In places like that realize your paying not just for the drink, but for the atmosphere as well. Prices are set by two factors in clubs like that. one, how much is invested in the place and two, how popular is the place. If people are willing to spend it, someone is willing to charge it.

Queeny, If someone is making out in a bar, Im sure they wont take offense to onlookers. Some even enjoy that. (got a funny story for that one!) Understand that alcohol is a drug, it reduces peoples inhibitions. While under its influence, many find themselve saying and doing things they wouldnt do sober. My favorite instance was a young couple making out at my bar. It got hot and heavy between them. Hands groping..the works. They were there for more than an hour and neither one finished half of one drink. No one complained, so I let them be. Finally, one of my regulars (I’ll call him Joe) Asked me for a phone book and the couples tab. He was loaded! He often picked up peoples tabs for simple stuff. A guy pulls a seat out for his girl. Joe would reward his chivalrous action by taking thier tab. So it didnt raise a flag to me. He gave me the phone book back, settled thier tab then walked over to them and said “I’ve watched you two here for over an hour and Im quite sick of your behaviour. Im happy the two of you found this sort of passion, but I havent experienced that kind of passion in about 15 years. I just want the two of you to stop rubbing it in now. I took the liberty of paying your tab, and I also rented the two of you a room at the hotel next door. Its paid for, you two obviously need this release, I know I do now. By the way, when you check the room is under Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” He walked away, Im laughing histerically. They looked at me and asked if he was serious. I told them he was very serious. They all but ran out of the bar! It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen as a BT. You always have somebody yell “Get A Room!” you never see someone get them the room!

Galvy, same applies with the stripper comparison you presented. A guy has to be very secure in himself and the relationship in order to be able to handle it. Side note…most bar shifts are 10 to 12 hours. Thats why full time BT’s work only 4 shifts a week. (depending on the establishment of course)

P.S..Its even worse if your the regular that ends up dating them. They will wonder wonder who the next person you pick up is going to be. That applies to male BT’s girlfriends as well as female BT’s boyfriends. It gets rough on the BT trying to find a stable, trusting relationship thats not constantly defending yourself.

Queeny, if your hanging out at a bar and appear self-conscious about it. That will make people wonder. Its not easy being the sober one dealing with all the intoxicated people. Doesnt matter what side of the bar you are on. If bars make you uneasy, dont go. Go to a coffee shop, or sit in the restraunt side, not at the bar.

Yeah, it makes sense.

Queeny, cady has a great point, that i was going to touch on. One add though. If you enjoy dancing so much, you can to a club with friends and have a great time. As long as you know why you are there (dance, dance, dance!)Don’t sweat so much what other people think, do your thing, and have a good time doing it! The key is going with friends. Clubs arent the safest places to go solo.

go ahead, ask me something else…I dare you. ;-)

Thats why I said know why you are going there. Clubs are mostly meat markets. Pick-up places. But they are different things to different people. Some go to dance, some go to pick up men/women, some go to drink, some go to network, some go as a release, some go just to get out of the house! If you know why you go, thats all thats important. My suggestion is going with different friends. You dont have to agree with what your have done, but they have no business trying to push you into thier lifestyle either. (Cady beat me again! Im going to take a typing class now..hehe)

I think Queeny here enjoys the attention from guys. I cant belive no one has commented on Joe. AmI the only one who finds humor in that?

Read my reply after Galvy’s last post.

Thats a good thing for the both of you. You get a little attention from other guys. And it keeps him from going to the go-go bars!

Hey…who am I to judge? What happens in your car, stays in your car. Just don’t get a ticket doing it.

When my wife does that to me I do say…wtf…but its followed with where did that come from? Can we do it again?

Good story! I love stuff like that! Question for you though. On you first reply in #2, you asked about being over charged. I should have asked if you had ever been in that bar and ordered Goose. If so, it may have just been the BT remembering what you like. Nothing wrong with that. Also, If it was a higher class place, Goose may have been thier rail.

Ive given the advise in posts here about when you have a problem or issue in a bar. As a BT, my philosophy is this. If your spending hard earned dough at my bar, you should get what you expect. I have no problems with anyone letting me know something is wrong. It provides me the opportunity to make it right. My goal is that you are satisfied. Most people who are unsatisfied, never say anything. That saddens me. Every bar has different house recipes for stuff. No two drinks are made the exact same from one place to the next. If it isnt what you thought it should be, give me the chance to make it right by you. Otherwise, you will sit there unhappy, and it will be your fault, not mine. Just dont be an a**hole about it. Yelling at a BT is never a good way to get prompt service!

Galvy, just to play the devils advocate here. Someone once taught me the true difference between rail, and top shelf. Its how you will feel the next morning! Maybe the blonde bimbo just thought she was doing you a favor? (hehe)

I wasnt trying to justify her action, I still feel as I did in my first response to the question. It was wrong. I put in there “devils advocate” to leave the possibility that maybe (and yes…this is a stretch) she just made a simple misjudgement. Give her the benefit of the doubt, let her know that what she did upset you. See if she offers restitution. (buying you a drink, or burger)If she cops attitude about it, wave a $20 bill on the bar and tell her a simple apology would have earned her that cash. Keep the $20 and walk away. Bartenders can “hear” money.

“skimming” as you put it is just a nice way of saying that its possible she robbed you. BT’s can go to jail over that $17. This is one of those questions I wont be able to say much on. I cannot encourage anyone who does, or will work in a bar to steal from the bar (i.e. giving away drinks without ringing them in) or how to rob a customer. All I can say is that those that do, always get caught. No matter how good they think they cover thier tracks. Now, where I work we have an “acceptable variance” in our cost. (meaning how much is poured, and how much of it is charged for)When the bars profit suffers, so do we! We are allowed to “hook-up” certain people. As long as it doesnt cut too deep in thier pockets. Some bars will assign a dollar amount per shift that they can give away, so long as its rung in the computer. As far as her skimming your wallet. The only way to know is by looking at the check she handed you. If “goose” or “premium vodka” was what was on it. Then she wasnt skimming.

Nicest way Ive ever heard it was this…”You are definitely a sweetheart, normally I would snatch you up and take you home with me. But right now I just need some time to myself.” She said it with a faint smile. I smiled and said “If you change your mind about snatching me up just me know, I dont like this job anyway!” She laughed, which is what I had hoped she would do, even if it was only for a moment before being drowned in thought. Part of our job is to read people, some want to chat, others don’t. Some seek advise, others want to tell you how thier day was. Either way, we are there (or not) for you.

Thanks for the input. Small towns can be very….ummm….boring? I prefer being in a rural area just outside of a city. Best of both worlds. Bars here have a lot of competition. The BT’s have a lot to do with building the business. (or driving business away, whatever the case maybe) Because a good majority of our business is regulars, you get to know them pretty well. I’ve had to ban several people. I have prevented more fights than I have stopped. (Im kind of proud of that..hehe)

Great question CM! Thanks. Local law enforcement hires people that are of age, but appear younger than they are to “shop” us. They are always different, sometimes the ID itself is fake. Sometimes its expired, sometimes it shows them as being underage. If I were to serve such an individual, I would go to jail, immediately! The fine can be in excess of $5K for me and the bar itself can loose thier licence to sell alcohol. We are well trained to identify the ones that are trying to scam. The way the law is set up, its not that big of a problem, there is too much at risk for the BT’s. When someone tries to pass a fake id, I just smile and tell them “Nice try” I then pour them a soda. Sometimes they try to raise a big stink over it. (usually to try and impress friends)In those situations I offer to have a police officer evaluate the ID to validate it. I also remind them that possessing a fake ID is a federal offense. (post 9-11 that is)That shuts them up pretty quickly!

The most common give away an ID is fake are expired ID’s. People will aquire an older siblings, or friends old ID. They are valid IDs until they are expired. Its very rare that someone will produce a replica of an ID, they are very easy to spot. I’ve even ran into situations where someone was of age but gave an ID from another country. If I can’t read it, I can’t accept it. If they have thier passports, that I can take. Once a young lady from Brazil didn’t have her passport with her. She tried to tell me it was my fault, that she shouldn’t be punished for my ignorance of her native language. When I asked for the passport, she said “who brings thier passport everywhere they go?” I replied with “Everyone who is in a different country is supposed to have it on them at all times.” She was upset, but understood. She came in the following week with her passport and had dinner and drinks. She turned out to be a really interesting lady.

I know this is long, But this is my favorite “Fake ID” story. On a slow wed. night two girls walked up to the bar. Identical twins, blonde hair, blue eyes. These girls were absolutly drop dead GEORGEOUS!! They were dressed like they wanted to party. Each ordered a glass of water. It didn’t take long before two of my regulars wanted to send them drinks. I went over and passed the offer to them, they accepted. (basically broke and waiting for someone to try and pick them up for free drinks) I carded them. I didn’t see them as being a day over 19. (21 is the legal age for alcohol here) The one girl said that her sister had lost her ID, but it was OK because they were twins and had the same birthday. Red flag #1! I looked at the ID and the first thing I noticed was it was an out of state license, second that it expired 7 years previous. Red flag #2. I asked the girl if she had any other form of ID on her. She copped an attitude with me. “I’ve already told you, thats the only ID we have!” I told her that it had expired 7 years ago and couldnt accept it. She got even more attitude..”What does it matter when it expired, the birthday is clearly there! Now go be a good little boy and get us our beers!” I got very stern, “It does matter, if the ID is expired, its not valid. Im not risking my job for the two of you..GOT IT!” Then the guys piped in..”Come on man, hook us up! Look at these girls! They aint going to turn you in, they just here to party. Have a good time. Hook them up, you can do it!” With the ID still in my hand I told the guys this..”Strike one, one ID for two girls. NO! Strike two, 7 years expired. NO! Strike three, Do either of these girls look Asian to you?! Not gonna happen guys!” I showed them the picture on the ID. The girl was Chinese, Wong was the last name on the ID. I mentioned Blonde hair and blue eyes before right?! The guys laughed, Said it was cool. At that point they understood I couldn’t take that big of a chance. I printed the guys checks and handed them to them. The guy looked at me and said..”Oh what? now your gonna kick me out?” I said “No, Your gonna pay your tab, take these girls back to your house and throw a party there. You said it, they just wanted to party!” He looked at the girls with wide eyes, they said “Thats a great idea!” At that moment, I was a god in those guys eyes! It was funny!

and the waiter too! (hehe)

Im unsure, There are many ways to catch them. But the most common is s*xual contact. Is it possible, Yes. But all I can do is specualate and say by my experience. No, I’ve never caught crabs from a bar, or lady I took home from said bar.

Actually, It is possible to catch crabs from a toilet seat. Being as I dont sit when I pee, I can honestly say I havent caught them that way. Again, it is an unlikely way to catch them (the toilet seat I mean), but a possibility.

Too hot for some, not hot enough for others…..Its all in your point of view actually. Where are you from?

When I tend a friends bar, I do it the same as if I were at a real bar. I mix drinks according to an individuals taste. Some like really strong drinks, others don’t. Some like to get drunk, some just want a little buzz. I have a friend whos wife doesnt drink much. Shes pretty quiet most of the time. When I go to thier parties, I try to find things that she will drink. Not strong, but being a non-drinker, I know it’ll hit her faster. Its fun! :-) She gets giddy and giggly…..but its neat seeing her have a great time!

If someone likes strong drinks 1/2 to 1/2 is good. Otherwise try 1/4 captain morgans to 3/4 coke. If you have a lime wedge, squeeze it in. Its really good! Its all in how YOU like your drinks. Or who you are pouring it for. When pouring for your husband try 9/10 rum……hehe

Keep in mind, when Im at a friends party I get to taste test the ‘goods.’ I do enjoy myself at those parties. If they didnt want me to bartend, all they need to do is not buy liquor. ;-) I do appreciate your concern though. At some parties, theres not many people I know. Im not shy, but when people are talking work, I don’t have much to add to those conversations. I enjoy making people drinks. At a friends party, its an easy way for me to socialize.

In your defense, Martini drinkers…..true martini drinkers are very particular about thier martinis. Its common for me to have to remake one to the guests liking. I take no offense to it. Its a matter of the individuals taste, for which I have no control over.

In her defense, she was menstrating!….O.K. that was a joke! I realize that I only have approximatly 25% chance of being right on that one. ;-) Seriously though. You may not have realized it at the time, but from the sounds of it you may have come off pretty harsh to her. You didnt just tell her how you liked the martini, but you also told her how she is to do her job. I can see someone taking a bit of offense to that aspect.

In the future, If you dont like the drink, ask them to remake it. Don’t drink it. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be happy with your purchase! I have a style in which I make martinis that most seem to love. Probably the case with that girl. She made you something someone else told her was great. No big deal, shes a big girl who chose to be behind the bar. No harm, no foul. :-)

There are two ways to become a bartender. (That Im aware of) There are schools that offer job placement. They are 2 to 4 week courses in bartending. The problem is, the jobs they put thier graduates through are the jobs no bartender really wants. The ones where you dont make as much money as you could, or should. Its a good way to get into the business. But Ive never seen any bar hire someone because of a certificate they paid for. Most bars want to see experience.

The way I did it was work as a server first. I took my own time to learn the workings of the bar. I studied thier recipes for the drinks. When the time came, I applied for the promotion….took the test….and became a bartender. This way I didnt have work in crap places to prove myself. And I didnt have to pay out several thousand for a certificate. I earned money while working my way up.

Different bars are work this one differently. Most places dont keep a tip jar on the bar. Too often they come up missing. Your best bet is to just hand it to the bartender. Industry standard of a restaurant is 15% of you bill. If you want to stay ‘noticed’ by the bartender 20% or greater will do.

On a side note, you may want to include the tip when you put money down, it saves the bartender the extra step of bringing back change. Tell him/her, “Keep the change.”