school help: I really need some advice. - Help.com

I really need some advice.

My life is really messed up right now, I cry every night befor I go to sleep and I just get sick of the thought of ‘tomorrow’.

I’ve always been a “nice, polite and intelligent girl”. Well at least thats what others thought.
My mum used to hit me and everyday tell me I’m good for nothing, a useless piece of ****. After a few years of that, uptill when I was 11 I just couldn’t handle it anymore, but I was too scared to say anything against her because I was afraid she’d tell my father; So I faked that I was ill.
For months. Loads of times we went to the doctor, and about every day I went home from school early because I broke out crying in the lessons. They couldn’t find out what was really wrong with me, because there wasn’t anything really wrong.
During the summerholiday that year, after months of faking I was ill, I realised I couldn’t just go on pretending I was ill, so I pretended to recover over a few weeks.

Since I had been going home from school about every day, and sleeping during the day time I hardly did ANY homework. So when I started school the next year, it was ok at first because I was a little excited because we had new teachers and a new school building and all, and I wanted to make a good first impression, but after a little while I found it hard to get myself to do any of the work we were given, so I lied and made excuses. Loads of them. I think because I worked well in the lessons (well, pretended to) they assumed I did so at home too, and I got quite high scores on tests ect that they belived me.

I acted like that for 2 years. I pretended to work in lessons, and made tremendously good excuses for homework (I did do a little, but not much.) and got good grades because the teachers thought I was smart and they also liked me.

But then, this year, things went bad. The only homework I HAD done the years befor, was the homework I did 5 o’clock in the morning. I used to try and do homework in the day but gave up, I just couldn’t concentrate, so I set my alarm for 5 o’clock in the morning, woke up at 5:15 and did a little homework and went to bed again. If I didn’t get time to do everything, I would tell them I didnt understand and they’d explain it to me, then I’d say I understood it now, “because the question was a bit unclear to me”, and then do it in that lesson so she would “see that I can do it as long as I understand the question”.

I did that for about a few couple of months, but then I started getting sleeping problems. I just couldn’t sleep. I lay awake for hours in my bed just trying to get to sleep, but I just couldn’t. Being not able to get to sleep, when I finally did I just couldn’t get my a** out of bed at 5 to do homework anymore. It was just impossible.
So, not being able to get out of bed at 5 to do the little homework I ever did, I ended up doing roughly .. nothing.
That was bad, and I knew it, but I just felt as if I couldn’t do anything about it.
I had also become sick of school. I do have friends, but I did get teased by other more popular pupils.

Befor christmas this year (well, christmas in 2007) my teachers thought that something had happened to me or something, because I wasn’t acting how I usually did and that I seemed a little strange and not how I usually am.

Well christmas holiday went by, and the thought of school again was just so .. depressing. I cried the day befor we had to go back, alone ofcourse, I didn’t want anyone to know I was depressed and cried all the time, but I just didn’t want to go to school.
My best friend isn’t really a goodie-goodie and never really has been. When she was younger she was a bit naughty, and my other friend has had problems and is abit funny, and she skipps school alot and doesn’t participate when the class is doing things.
So, when we were going to start school again in January, in the second week of school we skipped a whole day. It wasn’t the first time I had thought of skipping school, but it was the first time I actually did.
It felt great. Wonderful. Not only did it feel those things but the teachers didn’t even notice that we weren’t there.
The first few weeks I skipped quite alot of lessons, and since I’ve always been quiet and shy in lessons, the teachers didn’t seem to notice I wasn’t there.

Then, after a while, since I never did any homework they started wondering if I was ok, and asked me a few times if I was ok and that I could just go to them if I ever wanted to have a chat, but I refused and said I was perfectly fine.

I really do regret not taking the opertunity to talk to them, though, and tell them that I wasn’t ok and how hard school was for me because of the past and that I really wanted help and that I’m depressed all the time but I just couldn’t get it out.

They informed the school nurse that they thought there was something bothering me, so I had to go talk to her about once a week, even thought I refused to tell her anything and just sat there.

Also, I skipped gym. All of it. I’ve skipped all the gym lessons this year.
Since I faked I was ill, I’ve always had butterflies in my stomach befor the gym lessons. Not the nice kind of butterflies you get befor you’re going to meet someone special or anything nice, but the kind you get which makes you feel sick and want to throw up.
I had had gym the first half of the year, befor christmas, but I had heard some others talking and saying that they thought it was gross that I didn’t shower after gym. I wanted to start showering after gym but I just COULDN’T. I don’t know why, I just had this feeling and it was like I just couldn’t do it.
That’s kinda why I stopped having gym, and when I skipped it, I didn’t have to have those feelings, which kind of made me feel a little better about myself, I got less depressed when I knew I wasn’t going to have gym.

Now I was really afraid they would tell my parents about all of this skipping buisness. I knew I either had to stop skipping lessons, including gym, and start having them; OR, I would have to think of something else.

Gym was really awfull, and I seriously got depressed thinking about having it, so I decided to think of something else, which I did.

I started being rude.
I started answering back to the teachers and I even swore at them, and NEVER listened to them anymore.
This got them annoyed, really annoyed. So annoyed that they didn’t give a sh*t about me and didn’t care if I skipped lessons; they probably actually WANTED me to.

That’s exactly what I needed them to think about me. That I was horrid, rude and didn’t listen to them. That meant that I could now skip lessons without them noticing me or writing me down as not being there.
And best of all; If I hadn’t done homework, they thought it was because I couldn’t be bothered or maybe some other reason, but not because I couldn’t do it or needed help.

I kind of felt bad, because even thought the teachers had started being horrid to me too, they really were nice people who were there to help me with my education, and it makes me sick just to think of the way I treated them just so my parents wouldn’t find out I didn’t have gym.

My contact teacher, the one who people inform about me and I have to inform about to her, is a little thick. She didn’t tell my parents I didn’t have gym; she probably thought they knew but never told them herself. And she’s never told them that I skip lessons either.

A few months ago, I asked my mum if I could change schools. This will be the finaly year for me, so if I change schools now, I’d have to go there for the whole year, no changeing back.
I don’t know what I should do.
If I stay at my old school, the teachers (we’re getting a few new ones, and some of the ones we’ve had aren’t going to have us anymore) will know how rude and horrid I can be, and they kind of don’t like me, and my grades will probably go down, way down.
At the other school (I was there for 2 days, so I could “test” it) they hardly learn anything. There aren’t many pupils in the class, and they’re … well, they’re a bit naughty. Noone pays attension in class and their homework is dead easy. Also if I start there I won’t be able to skip lessons, and I would have to have gym. Well, I would probably skip it and they’d tell my parents.

And also, today was the last day at school so we got our report cards back. I was thinking of running away from home but I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. My mum asked for the report card and I gave it to her and went STRAIGHT to bed to “have a little nap”.
My parents probably saw that I have the lowest grade in gym you can get, and probably have suspision that I’ve skipped, and they said they were going to talk to me about it tomorrow, which freaks me out.

I don’t know what to tell them, because it’s just stupid to tell them I’m ’scared’ of having gym, and they’d probably think that’s just a ****ed up excuse for me skipping the lessons.

And I REALLY don’t know wheather I should change schools or not.
I know that’s a decision that I have to make but I’d really like someone elses opinion about it too.
I just don’t know what to do.

This open post was written 2 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 242, 4, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Christmas, sleep, Inform, school, Teacher, Week, homework, Year, Day, Bed (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.