Since I moved back home to Shitville, PA in October of ‘05, heres whats happened…
Dec. ‘05: I meet a really cool gal @ Club 18 named Faith. We hit it off immediately and started dating.
We spend everyday together, whether it be at the bar, at home, on vacation, with the fam, everything…we were two peas in a pod, best of friends, and fell in love. She didnt have a car but I picked her up and we did everything together…everything.
Dec. ‘06: After watching an Eagles game @ Michaels, I get arrested for DUI after I swiped a parked car in Pottsville on my way home. I’ll come back to this.
June ‘07: Faith’s company sends her and her co-workers annually to a meeting somewhere in the eatern US, this time they were headed to Key Largo, Florida. While there, both of us dressed up for the fancy dinner that night, I ask her to walk with me to a spot on the beach I picked out earlier in the day, and at sunset I asked her to marry me and presented her with my grandmother’s aunt’s ring…she says yes! This was the happiest day of my life. We didn’t set a date, just made a commitment, and both of us were excited. we spread the news and stared thinking about wedding parties and even made a list of names to give to our children someday. my life was seemingly falling into place now. I felt a warmth inside me.
Feb. ‘08: Now it was time for my court date and my sentence to be handed down. My lawyer didn’t prepare me for what came…30 days in prison, 90 days house arrest, 30 days on alcohol monitoring, 5 years probation, plus I lost my license obviously. I’m thinking…”What the ****!”
Mar. ‘08: I go into jail on the 6th, starting my 30 days. I was granted “work release”, so my mom picked me up every morning and took me to work, then Faith picked me up and took me back…it was tough, but at least I got to go to work and see Faith and my fam.
Apr. ‘08: I get out on the 4th and move into my new apartment that I found before I had left, this way I get a sterile environment to live in, and Faith and I have privacy and sort of a trial “live-in” situation. I was stoked to be out and figured house arrest would be a breeze.
A week after I got released, Faith called off the engagement, saying she wasn’t ready and we should take it slow. A week after that, she didn’t want to be with me anymore. A week after that, she said we shouldn’t talk anymore. I begged and pleaded with her…but she just didn’t listen. I found out that she was hanging around her ex-bf while I was away, and hanging out with another ex-bf after I got out.
People have said to keep busy, go back to school, do things that make you happy. I’ve tried this and its very difficult, if not impossible, because of the restrictions of my house arrest and probation. Also, financially, some of these things aren’t feasable. I would move to another state with my friend and start anew, but I’m not permitted to leave my county. I would go back to school, and still can, but I can only afford to take one class at a time, meaning i wouldnt finish for about 3+ years. Also, I would look for a new job, but its almost impossible because I dont have a car or license, plus I cant afford to miss a paycheck. I have fines, rent, restitution, utilities, counciling, groceries, health care, student loans……..i’m broke essentially. And some of that would be eliminated if I could get out of my lease, but my landlord said if I didnt fulfill my obligation, he would take me to court.
Now I sit in my apartment all alone..all the time…wondering what happened to my life. No one comes to see me, no one calls, no one emails! She was my best friend. all I do is wake up, go to work, come home…everyday. She took one of these ex-bf’s with her to her cousins wedding last weekend and stays at his house all the time, and this weekend, she is going on the same company trip as last year with the other ex-bf.
I’ve been so lonely and miserable that I’ve considered killing myself several times. I’ve come really close, I can’t believe I’m still here. I still think about her all the time. She wont answer my emails or anything. And to make it all worse, I can’t go out and get my mind off of it. And that brings me to today……
So thats it…. any thoughts?
Be honest with me! I’m begging you. I’m all ears!
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