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Good post.
If only everyone could read this.

Good post and very diplomatic.

i agree. i also think its relatively easy to tell the difference between someone who wants attention, someone who needs attention, and someone who is genuinely suicidal, which makes it easier for people to react.

I have only been using this site for 2 days and already completely agree with you.

very good post. i will invite all of my friends here…it needs to be heard.

Let’s face it, every post you see about suicide is a cry for attention. It is rarely (if ever) an actual goodbye, and why would it be when often these posts come from anonymous users.

Every suicide is a cry for help. Period. Even if the guy jumps off a 300 story bridge at midnight after telling everybody he’d be out of town for a week and not to worry, it’s still a cry for help.

NEVER disregard a person who threatens suicide. No matter who they are. No matter how old they are, no matter how trivial the problem may seem. No matter how many times they’ve threatened before.

And NEVER accuse one of just seeking attention. When you do, you are belittling their problems, belittling them, and challenging them to do it. Many people finally follow through just because they feel it’s become expected or anticipated by others, and they’re afraid to let everyone down again.

I like your post, and I agree it was appropriately diplomatic.

I just find it hard to get my head around the ‘don’t worry us unecessarily’ bit, regarding suicide. You’re right that people who are genuinely suicidal often wouldn’t come here, as those that need help the most are those that don’t seek it. If someone comes on help.com saying they want to kill themselves, someone I don’t know and haven’t a connection with, I might leave a generic message of support (what more can you do without more detail or prior communication), but I will never go to bed worrying about that person, just like I don’t worry about that guy who is sat there with the razor, about to end it because he has no one and nothing. Or the woman covered in bruises after being beaten by her husband, or the kid in Mali that will die of starvation tonight.

They are all in appalling situations but we can’t care about them all the time, because our petty relationship problems, and our insecurities are much more important. I guess my point is, we have to ignore the suffering for our own selfish sakes. It only becomes our suffering if that person is a friend, or someone close to us. The people I don’t know that leave those posts are strangers.

I have been invited to your post, although I had already read it and decided it didn’t warrant a reply. (you are not asking for help.) I will attempt something.

We all should do, what we see as the right thing, to do with any type of of post about any subject. Not just the suicide posts. Other posts come up that are just as bad or good as each other for the sole purpose of gaining attention. We can answer or leave them alone at our own discretion.
Any post I see that doesn’t deserve a response from me doesn’t get one. Any that do, will get a response.
There is not a category that comes on this site that I will choose as not worthy of considderation. It just might be, that it is genuine.
If I can help with some ones problem I will try to do the best that I can.

Cap’n Roj - thanks for responding…I do also believe in the power of a few good words on this site, which is why I’m here too! A lot of that comes from my own frustration at having to ignore the pain to save my sanity. We can’t change the world and rid people of dispair (goddamnit), but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try in your own little way of course. It’s what drives me to give up every one of my weekends volunteering, and then still feeling bad coz I’m just so **** lucky.

Roj you hit the nail right on the head( no pun intended) this is exactly how I feel. Everyone on help.com should here this.

All good points BUT 1)Maybe some dont go through with suicide cuz we’ve helped them,by responding,listening,caring etcc..And how do we know if we’ve lost any,we dont.I would rather take the risk and hope for the best. 3) i do cater to the suicidal ones but do get involved in a variety of posts,So dont assume otherwise.This may sound like im mad or offended or something.Trust me,im not.Very good post :)

I agree with Dragonlady too about the cry for attention.People NEED attention,to know that someone cares,Many ,some need it more than others,there are too many children left alone ,more than ever.And if thats all weve provided,its more than they are getting where they are and Im more than happy to deliver.It takes a village…

Nensix has the right idea,she said’we have to ignore the suffering for our own selfish sakes.’Only i would have said ‘emotional seperation’ as opposed to ‘ignore’

Cap’n, I agree with you totally.

I would like to add some things if I may.

A question may seem trivial to you, but you are not the one asking.
You don’t know one’s background.
If a question is sincere it deserves a sincere answer or advice.

When I am involved in a suicide post you will never see me saying “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON’T DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!” As I don’t think it helps.

I will also not say: “We love you” or “We care about you”. I don’t know the person, he/she doesn’t know me (when speaking of Anon’s). I am willing to help, give up my sleep if needed as I am doing now, do whatever is in my power.
But I don’t love the person, care is debatable, as I simply don’t know them.
That does not mean I think every life has value and that every person deserves an ear and a shoulder. And I wouldn’t believe you if you told me you love me.

If I am not there from the start, I read the post and all the comments. See if I can be of extra help due to my specific knowledge (we all know different things).
I try to sense the atmosphere between poster and commenters.
Look if posts are coming in repeatedly.
And than I decide to get involved or not.

I don’t think it helps necessarily to make the same point as everybody else.
To start random asking the person stuff that has allready been asked.
To just bash in because ‘I want to help’, not because you first looked if you could be of help.

I will not easily say: “You are still young, you’ll grow over it”. Yes, I know this is true. I also know that this does probably not work that way in the mind of the poster. I can recall how I was when I was 13/14 or even a few years older.

And I try not to give answers. I try to give points of view, I try to give options but most of all I try to let the poster question him/herself.

I hope this is considered constructive.

‘kat.

Man you are so right

Nice post. It makes a point without picking on anybody or blaming anyone. Very good. Mucho bien. great. awesome. *insert synonym here*

Dragon_Lady wrote:
Let’s face it, every post you see about suicide is a cry for attention. It is rarely (if ever) an actual goodbye, and why would it be when often these posts come from anonymous users.

Every suicide is a cry for help. Period. Even if the guy jumps off a 300 story bridge at midnight after telling everybody he’d be out of town for a week and not to worry, it’s still a cry for help.

NEVER disregard a person who threatens suicide. No matter who they are. No matter how old they are, no matter how trivial the problem may seem. No matter how many times they’ve threatened before.

And NEVER accuse one of just seeking attention. When you do, you are belittling their problems, belittling them, and challenging them to do it. Many people finally follow through just because they feel it’s become expected or anticipated by others, and they’re afraid to let everyone down again.

valuable contribution ,never underestimate anyone,life is frajile and sensitive ,dont be misled that simingly small issues dont have the potential to end in disaster

as for the original post,very sincere and polite,I only hope the ones who actually do this read it,it reminds me of the tale about a boy that cried wolf ,but sometimes just sometimes that wolf is really there

I have learned sadly through experience that the word suicide is always serious. It takes days, months or longer to recover from depression and only seconds to do something sad or final. My bf talked to me for two weeks and left for just a minute. There are clues and it’s better to be fooled in helping, then making the mistake of assuming. Unless I’ve been tricked…I seen two final ends and suspect four others. The one thing I take great comfort here is that there is enough of you here maybe to catch the serious ones. Just because someone sounds fine doesn’t mean they are. ..Here is a clue-a sign- they give things away…what do you give if you have nothing? Yourself? I am fine btw:)

BlindOptimism wrote:
i agree. i also think its relatively easy to tell the difference between someone who wants attention, someone who needs attention, and someone who is genuinely suicidal, which makes it easier for people to react.

I’m afraid I dissagree there. ALL suicide posts need to be taken in the same mind set. One of love, understanding and hope. Of all those ‘types’ listed, is there one there who does not need love? Sure we may grow frustrated with the ones who need attention as they turn aside or advice and help, but we must love them all the same.

good one, this is helpful, keep _it up, good bless you

Interesting post.

I agree with you in pretty much everything you said, and what you say is generally not limited to people on this site. The same is true for people everywhere. A lot of the time people who commit suicide (apparently anyway), do not tell people about it beforehand. It often comes as a shock to the majority of people who know them.

I think your line “Let’s face it, every post you see about suicide is a cry for attention.” is somewhat incorrect, perhaps it just came out wrong though. Sometimes of course it is people who are seeking attention. Other people may have their large problems, and while will more than likely not commit the acts the are posting about, still may believe that they will. So they make these posts trying to get help that they believe they need. I’m not sure how much sense that made upon reading it over. I hope people will understand what I mean though :)

foreverfreckled wrote:
very good post. i will invite all of my friends here…it needs to be heard.

thanx for inviting me

i agree this should be heard thanx for posting it..

*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*

:D

Really good post. Looks like you’ve thought about it a lot. help.com really helped me out in the early days. Brought me along nicely and i’ve had my fair share of suicide posts…and i really tried to be honest. and some people will come and say there piece and try to help out. and some people stick around for you and keep on and on and on and really make the effort to try and help you or at least just talk to you and be there.

congrats everyone :)

I agree with your post, especially the part about paying attention to people who are not crying suicide. I think too often people play games on this site with that word. I find that paying attention to someone who is playing games can do damage for a number of reasons. First, the user learns that threatening suicide gives them lots of attention and second many good users have left because they figure out they had been had by fakes. My career is working with teens who suffer from mental illness, many of which have attempted or thought about suicide. It does not help to talk with a person for hours about not doing it, what does help is distracting them to a positive conversation. Getting them to talk about the future and other things in there life. Establishing relationships with people who are depressed is what prevents suicide, not begging them not to do it on a post. I have been on too many posts in which people write these elaborate responses why life is important and suicide is the wrong choice. I think that those responses are very often more about the user responding than the poster. If you want to help the poster get to know them. The other thing this helps with is weeding out the fakes. Very often if you ask a suicidal poster questions, if they are fake you will spot the inconsistencies in their answers. If they are not fake you will probably build a meaningful relationship with them. I find too often we all talk, but rarely ask enough questions to get to know people. I too am guilty of this, as you can see with this long winded response.

We need some stickies. This post should be one.

CRZ: you are so right…i just went through that with someone very close…as always, Love & Peace. LP4444

I agree with Max. “Establishing relationships with people is what prevents suicide.” There are, sadly, users of this site who have attempted and succeeded in suicide. To me, the difference I’ve seen is a pattern of depressed thinking (i.e. multiple posts on the topic), rather a single “OMG, I am going to kill myself TONIGHT.” With your statement, Roj, of “There are those that write about suicide, and those that commit it,” I must respectfully disagree. I think if you observe the patters of certain posters closely enough, you can establish a level of “risk”. Still, even without those patters, the topic, I feel is serious enough for some users to address it (and I wholeheartedly thank all of you that do!) There will always be drama queens and trolls abusing the site because they have no respect for the effort that many of us offer here. Overall, though, I think Roj summed it up nicely. When people are feeling so low that they cry out for help, we should help them. In the end, I think that’s what matters most.

Great post! Especially the part about how one post will get like 200 replies but then another (equally as important) post will get only a handful.

excelent post. if only everybody acted upon it

There actually was a regular user at this site that committed suicide several months ago, they made an Anon post saying they were going to do it, but it went the way of many post. This is a good post Roj.