Year help: What’s wrong with me? - Help.com

maybe therapy isnt such a bad idea? itll help you figure things out..

Kudos to YOU for controlling the cutting.really, its not at all a easy thing to accomplish.thoughts of killing someone or even yourself should never enter someones mind so if you cant control that,its top priority to get help with a professional.I think alot of your problem has to do with not speaking up for yourself.You have a voice and opinions and you need to be heard.so dont hold back ,just try to do it in a loving way.Practice self-assertiveness and build your vocabulary if needed. The fact that you put your mom down bothers me.she is only human.And your dad agrees with her says she probably has a dominant personality which would explain why you are fearful of speaking up.When dealing with someone that is like that its important to point things out to them.she s probably not aware of how she is so let her know in subtle ways.Again, please get help if you cant control the negative thoughts.And keep us posted :)

I feel as thought I just typed this.
I swear to God. I am not kidding.

Everyday, or every other day, for the past two years or so, I’ve thought about suicide. I’ve even had tools set out and methods prepared, but I never do it. Because I don’t want to die — yet I do.
Personally, therapy has not helped me one bit. And I refuse to take any sort of medication.

Are your parents divorced, by any chance?

Moms are crazy. It’s what they’re supposed to do, I believe. Say insane things that drive one past the point of insanity. Try to ignore her, which is easier said than done, I know.

And hey, solitude isn’t bad. I spend almost all my time alone, by choice, because I rather not hang out with people. I can’t stand over ninety percent of society.
I’m assuming you’re a writer, but if not, you should try it.

Or turn to movies.. That’s what I do.
I live in movies, books, and writing. Oh. And music.
They let me revel in the small amount of sanity I might have.

rrxrapture, if you havent already,i suggest you read the other replies here,they may help you too :)

You do not need to self harm, we are here to help, you will recover.
I totally agree with what all have said here. Ive also said previously on this forum you should be really proud that you have opened up and realised there is a problem, its when you finally admit to yourself and others that you are no longer in denial and are ready to make a recovery, i will admit there is no quick fix. we must bear in mind that it usually takes a while to get low enough to admit there is a problem and it takes a while to reverse this.Do what works for you, tell people that you are ill and you need to do whatever it will take for recovery, if they cant support you in this they are not worth knowing. I dont wish to come accross hard, its that the most important thing is your happiness, its important to live your life as you wish to live and not as others wish you to live it. To be honest self development is avaailable to all of us, its a shame we only tend to use it when we are depressed. When i say personal development i mean to get to the stage where you understand your emotions and use them to benifit you. One example is fear, most will feel fear and wait until it passes to feel happy again, we dont need to wait that long!! We can look at most fears and transend them instantly. Say we are to go for a new job,we fear rejection and the rejection hasnt even happened yet therfore its not what happens that we fear its what we think whats going to happen we fear!!Look, our fear cant be fear of an outcome as that outcome hasnt happened yet!! we are always fearing what we think the outcome is going to be, its as if we think we can predict the future! How many times in the past have you fear a situation that didnt even happen, Millions i bet. If we say were wrong 99 out of 100 times is that not enough evidence that we dont need to fear the future?? As i said this way of thinking is available to all of us and its fantastic. Im 42 and have suffered with depression for the past few years.
After Medication, Reading and Listening to self help material i have changed my outlook on life. Its almost as if im pleased this happened to me so i got to experience what this illness is like and live with the fear and anxiety. Its perhaps i feel that its hard to appreciate good if you havnt felt bad. Im left with a huge passion that i want to help others that have experienced or are experiencing this illness. I would really love to provide a web site providing self help and give others the opportunity to access materials that will help them recover from depression. I will endevour to do this, i know you can recover.