Love help: This is how my boyfriend broke up with me… via email. - Help.com

well after reading that i think he loves you so much that he thinks being appart from him will do you better that is why he is breaking up with you because he loves you and wants to you to be happy on the long run

He is indeed right… he is a “coward”. Anyway, he sent you his message. A lot of things in this text will only be understandble by both of you, but the clear thing is that you must leave him behind your thoughts too. You have to adjust yourself to his decision. There’s no other way! I can see he cares for you, in some way, just not the way you need - with true love. I can’t understand how you get pregnant with a relation of just 8 months! Do you really feel you’ll know somebody in less than a year?! If have to mature yourself too. What if you had a child? (and I’m sorry for your loss…) what parents would the child have? A family or each living far from each other?
I’ve just read Tricky’s comments, but I don’t agree with him (sorry). Your former boyfriend doesn’t loves you (he cares for you, maybe). You’ve just lost a child in you, and where is the support you need to get over this? If he loved you, he would be there for you! He made it clear is isn’t available to you anymore.
I do know (believe me) the pain you’re feeling, but, you have to know you will have to change your life again. Try to find happiness in your life. try to find the true one. Just don’t “grab” the 1st that appears. Trust is also a matter of time. To love, you must trust. Do rush into things!
No matter what, even if you cry too, keep smiling in your life.

It sounds like you want different things and he has been trying to live up to your expectations.

But you cant expect someone to behave a certain way to accomadate you.

They should be themselves…or else whats the point? Its probably for the best. Find someone who you can love the way they are.

I just finished reading it I think he didn’t want to break up but thinks that he is holding you back and sounds like he thinks you have been dropping clues. (I think he may believe that not having the baby was a sign to let you go).
Look at where you are now and see if he is right was he holding you back. Sadly sometimes things just aren’t meant to be the way we planned, but there is always something/someone better.

p.s.
I think your relationships might not have worked out because you were too good for the guys you were with. at least that is the way this email sounds.

But, if am too good for guys I am with, does that mean I will be alone for good? I got a call from my dr that the feotus is still in tact and it was just early pregnancy bleeding as I have placenta previa.

I am so confused…
Just to clarify, we have known each other for years, but have been dating for about 8 months. The thought of a lonely pregnancy is so debilitating. A fatherless child is such a cliche in our society and I never wanted that for my own child. But, I am pregnant so passing judgement after the milk has been spilt (no pun intended) is not helping.

Should I pursue him?
Make him see how I was willing to sacrifice those things which I loved for him?
Throughout the relationship I was always steadfast in demonstrating my commitment to him! I even appied for a visa to Be with him as he is in another country!! I had removed all barriers to us being together AND NOW THIS?!?
If this is not seeking out stability with HIM then I dont know what is…

Your child isn’t fatherless…his/her parents are seperated.

He can be a perfectly good father without being with you.

How? All the way on another continent?
And he keeps telling me that he loves me, just can’t be with me!
I don’t understand all his mixed signals…

I don’t want to assume…but from the way the email looks he feels as though he has to live his life in a way that accomadates you…and he should be able to be himself.

I don’t know if that applies or that makes sense. But when a person is living there life to make another person happy it makes them loose themselves, slowly learning to resent the other person because it makes the individual feel inadequate.

you won’t be a single parent don’t keep the child to yourself he/she does have a father. Seriously don’t overthink it step back and live and don’t focus on your problems figure do you really need him in your life ( a continent away)

Ok, then you know the guy for more than 8 months. But he does not know himself sufficiently, or does he? How can you trust someone that sends this e-mail to you after he knew you had a miscarriage? And you know tell you’re confused about having lost, or not, the baby… First of all, you must know this for sure. This can’t be a doubt any longer in your mind. How come he didn’t mentioned this in his e-mail? I’m not questioning you really, I’m more questioning him, you know?… His e-mail is confusing, you are confused, and so am I ;) Sorry if I may feel a bit insensible (but I’m not really), we all just need to have a little humour to take things better (as you did with the “spilted milk”). I am a 35 year old guy, but I understand that pregnancy/miscarriage thing more than you know, believe me… and I’m not talking in medical terms, but emotionally speaking).
You both being so far away from each other doesn’t help, for sure… it’s complicated, but he isn’t helping a lot, is he?
If you still have a child in you, love him/her, no matter what. You have love to give.

Lucky for you. Now move on to the next man. This guy did you a favor. Like they say, “He’s not that into you!” Take your wonderfulness and gift it to the next man.

I have to say, that as someone who has experianced loss of children, I don’t agee with a lot that’s been said here. Did it ever occur to anyone tat he may be grieving just as badly? Maybe he needs to be the one to be comforted for a change. A lot of people focus on the mother when a child has been lost (in whatever situation) but hardly anyone seems to acknowledge how the father must feel.

Anon, you stated in the beginning of your post “days after miscarrying HIS child” that should be your very first clue that he did want it, and perhaps he is hurting much more than you think. Capman also said that if he loved you, he would be there for you, because YOU need the support. It makes me wonder whether anyone has thought of supporting him through this grief, perhaps he feelsm that he is not grieving enough as people expect him to, and he feels because of that, he is not worthy. He could be feeling incrediably guilty.

Yes, perhaps an e-mail was harsh, and cruel, but sometimes, when people hurt, they distance themselves or they just don’t know if they can face it. Like I said before, he could be feeling guilty because it may seem to others that he’s not upset enough, and to others, why should he? He’s only the father, and he’s not carrying the child. Therefore, by sending you this e-mail, he’s preventing from seeing how torn up you are, and feeling even worse.

We can’t dictate how people think or feel, because we’re not them. Perhaps instead of wondering why he left you, maybe you should think about the fact he may be waiting for someone to help him for a change, to support him through his grief, maybe he’s the one that needs support too?

Also, you stated that there was complications with the pregnancy, I assume that means everything is ok, and that you’re still pregnant. Maybe you should tell HIM that and stop him from tearing himself up. If things don’t work out, then you have your answer, and yes, he might not care for you or love you as much as he expresses. But why not take the chance? At least you’ll know, and you’re not setting yourself up for him being hurt for you not telling him that all is going to be okay.

Though, I do wonder, if you have known each other for years, and he lives in another country, how did you manage to date and he got you pregnant? That seems a little off to me…but maybe I’m just missing something.

I’ve asked him many times to confide in me… tell me what he is feeling. He said sad nothing and a few days later, I get this mail from him. I know that he is suffering and I want to be there for him, but he severed all ties. Perhaps he blames me and he does know that the baby is fine.

I have decided to move on past him. My baby does not deserve to be shunted around nor does she deserve a twice-a-year-visit father.

I got pregnant when I went to visit him.

Ok, this is getting a lot clearer now. I think you’ve found all your answers for the moment, althought not the ones you would like, in some cases at least.

I feel sorry for you for believing and getting in love with the “wrong” guy. It won’t help but, in my personal opinion, he just took the miscarriage news as an opportunity to dump you. Even if he was shaken by the prospect of losing “his” child, that wouldn’t mean he wasn’t still a coward and insensible towards you! When a couple finds trouble or a problem of some sort, they should work together and help themselves together! Not “shield” themselves up and “attack” the other one. That’s really a coward thing to do, but the way he broke with you just makes things more “logic” or obvious, in regard to his way of thinking and proceeding.

Now, it’s the time for you to take care of yourself and your baby. She should have a father but it seems is not going to be the biological one. You’ll have time later to provide a loving father to her. It’s not going to be easy (probably), but you’ll also know better what’s the character of each one when he (someone you date) finds that you’ve got a small baby or child. Take that “opportunity” to filter the true reasons of dating and all that stuff that goes with it. Now more than never, you’re not alone!

Use your intelligence and intuition!

An advise: find someone in your own continent, country, city ;) it will help.

Ive been reading your story , and it mirrors my own experience , slightly different , but alomost the same as yours , i to have a baby on the way , actually to baby will be born in 7weeks from now , AND THE FATHER lives also in another country , except am a just a little closer , we live 1 hour by plane , still , the culture and language and beliefs have a huge factor ..how far away are you from the father …are your older ?