What’s done is done! You cannot undo it. Concentrate on your future or you may never be able to move forward!
Which option would you have wanted to take?
Not being able to undo it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
I did not say it didn’t happen! However, if you keep on dwelling on this, you may never be able to move forward and are going to fill yourself up with all kinds of regrets and angst. How were you forced to end it and by who?
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My water broke at 14 weeks and they told me i had no options. I have now found out about some precedure’s that could have worked and by now i could have had my son. Well i am pregnant again and no one else will give me prenatal care except the care i got last time which was not good at all considering the outcome. I was 18 weeks pregnant when they made me go into labor and deliver my son. i held him and and had to say goodbye before i even got to say hello.
That doesn’t make any sense. Do you have an incompetent cervix? They can sew that up, put you on bedrest and that might help? Why will no one help you? They have to maintain a standard of care even if you’re dirt poor. What else is going on? What does the doc say?
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thats they thing they never told me why it happened and they never told my about how they can sew it up i just found that out about 2 weeks ago and all of the docs are saying they never heard of it. Then just 2 days ago i was told that they think my water broke so early because i had an internal infection but my thing is they would have caught it because they took blood and urine every week.
so does that count as malpractice?
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You could have had a vaginal staph infection but I doubt it. It really sounds like your cervix, and it’s really common. They just put a couple stitches in it and it works sometimes, not always.Look it up on WEB MD and print it out for them. It’s not new or rare. They’re just playing dumb!Time is important! Do this quick.
If it works, they snip the stitches at delivery and out baby comes. Bed rest with pelvic tilt is pretty common. It’s a long road, but it really works! Blessings, Beth
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Thats what i thought. I know doctors stick together. Thanks for the advice. I think about him everyday and i am not handeling it very well especially being pregnant again i dont know what to do if this happens again. Thank you so much!
You’re welcome! Keep us posted!
Hello Annette. I’m sorry for your grief over the loss of your child.
Sometimes, we yearn for things to have turned out differently and it sounds like you are still traumatised by what occurred.
It’s difficult to know what happened and why exactly. Sometimes even the doctors don’t really know. That’s a hard thing for us to deal with because we put our faith in them and we believe they have the answers.
They don’t always.
Now that you are pregnant again, what is most important for now is to rest and not to become stressed. You need to focus on this baby and on keeping well for him/her.
Personally, I think the best way forward right now is to set your worries about what happened aside for a while until after your baby is born. Talk to the doctors again then, ask them your questions and if you feel you need to take things further, do it then.
Now is not the right time to pursue any action about the past. Now is the time to look after new baby. Avoid doing anything that will stir up negative feelings and stress right now.
It sounds like you have lots of good information to help you protect this pregnancy. Use it to help you remain positive.
thank you. As you might understand i need to do something. This baby’s life will be in the hands of the same doctor’s that did not help us last time. I cannot except that.
I’m not sure they could help hun. Whilst I don’t know the full circumstances, I don’t think a baby can be saved once the waters have broken fully. Stitching is used to treat Cervical Incompetence which can only really be diagnosed afer a loss.
Things are different this time around. You will be better prepared - and so will they.
Talk to them about your fears. Ask lots of questions. Tell them you want promises… but lawsuits right now won’t help.
Above all, don’t worry. Worry and stress and anger will have a negative effect on your health and baby’s.
This baby’s life is in your hands too. I understand you feel you must do something. But make that something positive right now and deal with the past later.
your probably right but everytime i look at his picture i know we were cheated out of our lives together.
and i feel it may be wrong to start a new chapter before ending the last one.
I know. I’ve been there. But you’re not ending anything. You’re just moving forwards.
He’ll always be part of whatever life you have ahead of you.
But trust me, as time moves on… you do heal.
Does he have a name?
When I lost my first child, my second grew up knowing all about him. His name, where he was created… the colour of the blanket they wrapped him in. We still talk about his brief existence in our lives now that my son is 21 ! I even laugh now as I recall how when my boy broke anything or got in a mess it was never him that did it.. it was always “my angel brother!”
Like you I hated the doctors for not preventing what happened. But I understand more now and know that sometimes things just aren’t black and white.
Things will work out just fine, you’ll see.
It always saddens me to hear about little ones not being able to come into this world! I know your son went to a much better than this cruel world. God’s intentions were not for him to be among us. You have to accept that! I lost my twin brother and sister when they were only three months old. I’ll never forget my mom crying like a wounded animal for them! I carry to this day that image of my mom trying to wake them up and going from room to room with my little brother in her arms swaying back and forth. My sister died two days later. My mother almost lost her sanity! I pray for your son and I pray for you to be able to get past what must be a huge trauma in your life. The pain you must have felt, oh my God! However, it was not in the cards for your son to be here. However, I can assure you nobody wants to share in that horrible pain that you must have felt when you lost your child. I do hope that you get past this for your next child’s sake. Right now is not the right time to create more stress for you and your unborn child. Take excellent care of yourself to make sure that everything goes fine with your current pregnancy and make it a point to go on with your life. I am sure you want to give all the attention and all the love to your child that you can. I do wish that all the blessing of heaven rain upon you and your child. Right now, the child that you lost is in heaven next to the Lord in a better place and in heaven sending you all the blessings that he can. I hope that you take solace and consolation in that. God Bless You And The Best Of Luck To You!
thank you very very much.
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i never got to name him. they let me hold him kiss him then took him away. i do have his blanket they wrapped him in and i do have a few picture they took of him for me along with a tiny teddy bear and a little tiny ring they gave him. Those things i hold dear to my heart.
OMG thank you for all of your support everyone but i cant talk anymore about this right now. too hard. i might come on later. Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.
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no i gave birth to him but he was still born. His lungs were not developed because i did not carry him long enough. i got to hold him before they took him away to be cremated.
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You know, you can still name him. And a priest or pastor will be happy to hold a naming ceremony for you if you want.
It’s clear you did not get to grieve your loss fully at the time and this is probably what is affecting you most.
When you feel better, why not plan something special for your lost baby. It might help you with accepting the loss.
We’ll be here to help you through.
Get plenty of rest and stroke that tum for us! Hi little one ! Big hugs to you both.
thank you. I am trying really hard to come to a point where i can heal and talk about it. This is my first step. its almost been a year.
OMG i never knew that. That is such a good idea. Maybe i can do it if i baptize my baby. And do it together.
mumstheword invited 2 users to read this post 1 year, 5 months ago.
For 1, you were not forced,it was something that had to be done.Nonetheless you had no control.Thats where the problem lies,the feeling of helplessness and lost control.You will gain back control only when you accept the fact that there are just some things,not many,that we dont have control over.like time and when the sun will rise and fall.Annette really has a good point I may borrow sometime.Go ahead with the Baptism and say your goodbyes.One day you will see what purpose all this had and you will have true everlasting peace and more clarity.I promise :)
AnnetteCastro01260 wrote:
and i feel it may be wrong to start a new chapter before ending the last one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwFTyH…
Oh, you are Annette.lol.Honey ,excellent advice to give yourself :)
Felicity invited 17 users to read this post 1 year, 5 months ago.
thank you Felicity but i do believe I was forced to give up. When you are not offered all of your options and told this is the only way when there are alternatives then i do believe you werent given an option. Without an option there is no choice. Things could have been different and i know it in my heart.
oh, Im sorry hun, Guess i didnt read very well.Forgive me? I see that now .Whenever you find yourself thinking could have, should have,if etc..recognize them as a negative statement and cast them into abyss…………AndCongratulations on your pregnancy! Im sure your going to be a great mommy :D
Also, have you thought of recourse? Getting a lawyer,taking any action?
Annette, I do understand the loss. You’re right. I too had options, but was convinced by others this was for the best. And for my daughter maybe it was, and I guess that’s what matters. But, 22 years latter, my scars are still raw. I will NEVER forget or GET OVER IT.Life will go on, but I will never recover. I know how much you hurt, but please try to stay focused on this baby and bringing it to term. Do what ever you have to, tell those arrogant docs what I said. Please don’t lose hope. As the others said, you must concentrate on the present at this point, then we can deal with your lost child.Blessings,Beth
to Felicity:
Im happy you now understand my position. No forgiveness needed. I am thinking of getting a lawyer, which was one of the reasons I came to this website. I was looking for a little guidence (which i definately got). Although, like most things there were mixed opinions. I have taken in what everyone has offered me and I think I still might go ahead and look into a lawyer. (What can it hurt?) The pain obviously wont go away with or without a lawyer. Bethbroc you seem to understand that more then anyone. So even though i think im going to get a lawyer I am going to try my best to keep that seperate from my current pregnancy; however hard that may be. But with all of everyone’s help i think that is the only way i will be able to get some closure and be the mommy that i need to be to both of my babies. Past and future.
Bethbroc: I have my first prenatal appointment on the 15th at which point i will be 10 weeks along and i will let them know everything. I have no problem telling them how i feel about their doctors and that i want to be tested and monitored double or triple the ideal patient. I am ready for this one. Its amazing how even the worse pain makes you grow and change as a person. And i wont lose hope but make sure you dont either. only the best wishes for you! Annette
When I was in delivery with my first child, my water broke but they had to induce delivery because I was told a “dry” birth is very dangerous for the baby, because of bacteria and such…
I understand that you feel wronged, and feel like you possibly had options, but hun this possibly was the best decision for both you and your baby because his lungs were not developed and had he been in the incubator, he may have had other complications that you didn’t know about or would have developed.
Your body released the birth water for a reason, this is something hard for us to understand but your body knows itself and for it to reject the baby as it did, was because there was something seriously wrong.
You are pregnant now, and it’s important for you to take your vitamins eat healthy and tell your doctors everything that happened.ask questions and make sure you are taken seriously and the doctor sits down with you and talks open and seriously about this matter ( You may have to make another appointment for this. )
If you do seek out a lawyer, you have to understand that maybe you may come out of that meeting disappointed. I don’t mean to sound so negative, but you have a right to see a lawyer, but winning, or loosing the battle will not bring your baby back or take away the pain.
If you need to seek a lawyer, do that if that helps you to understand and find healing, but what ever the outcome… please know that your baby is resting in peace and you have another one to think about. You have to remain healthy both physically and mentally ( emotionally too!) It’s natural for you to be scared and it’s natural for you to want justice… but justice comes in many forms… please be aware of that.
You are a very strong woman, and I give you all the encouragement and support you need and desire. You have come to the the right place for healing, and talking is one way, to find rest and peace but only when you are ready.
Do you have support from your family and loved ones? If you are into prayer, I’d like to pray for you.
Take good care of you… please let us know what happens.
Thank you but i was recearching online and ffound out then when your water breaks prematurely there is a pracedure called amnioinfusion. Its where they inject saline into the uterine cavity to keep the baby in fluid. Everything i read in that site was me. to a “T”. Then i was told about the parker precedure where they sew the cervix. I was told by the doctor’s there was nothing wrong with the baby physically. He had a very strong heartbeat and held on as long as they let him. Literally. I was also told by the same doctor that if i had carried to at least 20 weeks there was a chance he could servive outside of my body. So my question is why didnt they give me that extra two weeks? Give my baby the fluid he needed to get his lungs strong enough to give him a chance.
From what I’ve heard I think you have a strong case.Even if It you dont ‘WIN’ it will be beneficial.So i wish and pray you have all the best in whatever you decide :D
thank you very much i will keep you posted
I thought you all might like to know that i got an ultrasound today…they measured me at 8 weeks and everything looks good and normal. I’m praying things will continue to go in this direction.
That’s wonderful news hun. Keep positive, eat well and get plenty of rest.
Thinking of you both !
That IS wonderful news.I have a good feeling everythings going to be just fine.Bless you sweetie
:D
thank you very much…im started to get excited about it.
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aww. thank you for your support. all you spoke is true..and I have set up an appointment with those doctors for the 15th. by then i will 10 weeks. Hopefully that will give them enough time to figure out how we are going to handle this prenancy.
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