Love help: When The Person You Love Doesn’t Love You Back - Help.com

When the person you LOVE…

…doesn’t love you back.

It hurts… & it’s hard, but it happens!

Loving someone that doesn’t feel the same & is never going to feel the same way. Ever! It’s definitely hard. It’s a wretched, miserable existence when you’re in-love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Whether their eyes glaze over when they see you, or you’re “just a friend”, it sucks! It can do serious damage to self esteem. You find yourself wishing, trying, & thinking (maybe even obsessively.) “It’s ok, I won’t tell” & you can very well reach a point of despair.

What I’ve noticed would happen in a situation like this, is sometimes you may find yourself trying to alter yourself to the person’s pleasing. Or worse - what you THINK that person likes. Sometimes desperation makes you do things that you wouldn’t do otherwise. You start growing feeling of hurt, anger, betrayal. You feel rejected & less than. Your self-esteem is taking a hit from the feeling of rejection.

“You might feel like a loser & begin to wonder how you can turn yourself into the person that this person will love!”

You go over your exchanges over & over in your mind. Where did it go wrong or fail to go right? What should you have done that you didn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have? You feel as if there is something really wrong with you. It’s frustrating if they are with a new person who doesn’t come close to being what you are. And you believe that there’s no way in heaven & earth that they will ever love them as unconditionally as you do. This new person is just not right. They’re not their type. It is not what they want & you are. Your mind may race with ideas…

I’ll be quieter, thinner, happier. I won’t complain so much. I won’t rock the boat. I’ll like the insufferable family & friends that I couldn’t stand. I’ll go back to school. I’ll be successful. I’ll wear different clothes. I’ll buy a new car. I’ll change my job. I’ll clean more. I’ll clean less. I’ll cook gourmet meals. I’ll listen when spoken to. I’ll go to bed earlier. I’ll go to bed later. I’ll go to church. I’ll stop going to church. I’ll pray. I’ll bargain with God. I’ll help the poor. I’ll devote myself to the eradication of world hunger. I’ll give my next paycheck to the church. I’ll join the Peace Corps. I’ll do anything, ANYTHING, if only You make this person love me back. I’ll be everything you want me to be or everything this person wants me to be. I’ll do it all. I’ll do anything. I’ll be more. I’ll be less. I’ll be everything & anything other than what I’m being right now. I’ll turn myself inside out to be the person he/she will love. I can do it. I will do it!

STOP!!

Stop right there! Forget about changing for someone else. Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribing whatever deity you believe in. Forget about changing your whole life just so this narrow-minded little bonehead will love you. FORGET IT!

That person’s - or anyone’s - opinion of you for that matter does not define you or your value. You are not any less smart, sexy, clever, talented, anything. Thinking in this way only aggravates the effects you feel from rejection. It’s a quick launch to a negative space that will certainly affect all aspects of your life. I’m not saying don’t be sad. But know who you are.

Every relationship is a learning experience. We learn what parts of us could use improvement. But not because this person found them unattractive or irritating but because YOU found them unattractive or irritating.

The first thing you need to do is to take it in stride. Easier said that done? Yes. Everything is easier said than done so that phrase is meaningless.

Taking it in stride means telling yourself that you are okay no matter what. Yes, there might be things that need improvement but it is a lovable, worthwhile person who is willing to look at those things & change them. And if this person does not value all that you are & all that you can be there is only one sentiment to go in that direction: THE HELL WITH THEM.

Seriously. It is time to REJECT THE REJECTER. And his or her ridiculous standards of measurement. Perhaps this person doesn’t know what he or she is losing. Perhaps this person has NO IDEA how worthwhile you are & what value you can add to their life. That is their problem, not yours. You don’t want anyone who doesn’t think you are the end-all, be-all of lovers. You just don’t want them. They are stuck in some goopy substance that does not allow them to move off their position & see how great you are. That is their problem and their loss.

You have to see that the rejecter should be rejected. Do you want someone without vision? Without appreciation of all that you are & all that you can be? No, you do not. You want someone who loves you & thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them. If this person doesn’t get that, then the hell with this person.

Stop talking to him or her. Stop trying to convince them otherwise. Stop waitng around for him or her to “get it.” The hell with anyone who doesn’t get it!

The bottom line is that you do not want someone who does not want you. That hurts and that stings. And that is not what love is all about. Don’t sit around waiting for this person to want you. Reject anyone who doesn’t want you. They are not worth it. The first prerequisite for love is to be mutual. Otherwise it’s not okay. Reject the rejecter.

“The road is hard. Love softens it.” - Stephen Levine

Requited love, mutual love, real love softens it.

And until that love comes from a romantic partner who values you & sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends & YOURSELF. You must be good to yourself as you move on from someone who does not value you enough to want an exclusive, romantic relationship with you.

Because who knows what (or who) you are missing as you roll around in the mud with this numbskull. Get on with your life & become the person you always wanted to be.

GET READY for true love, real love, lasting love. Get ready for a relationship with yourself & THEN a relationship with a loving & appreciative person who will come into your life once you learn to value YOU. And you start valuing you by rejecting the rejection & the rejecter. The hell with it.

Be good to yourself. Today & always. In a relationship or out of a relationship. Be good to you. You will find that I’ll say this often because when I’m seeking that advice, I hear it so very often & I agree with it. We are so very good at beating ourselves up for what we deem our shortcomings. How about some of that adoration for that person… for yourself. You have the right to feel good you know, as you work on breaking that cycle & refocusing yourself & your sights on something or someone else. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back hurts like hell. So for your own sake, think about implementing these things that I’ve mentioned. Easier said than done, trust me - I know. But when you’re ready to be done with the whole misery aspect of it all, it will deliver a very necessary breakthrough.

Love,
Yaya

When the person you LOVE…

…doesn’t love you back.

It hurts… & it’s hard, but it happens!

Loving someone that doesn’t feel the same & is never going to feel the same way. Ever! It’s definitely hard. It’s a wretched, miserable existence when you’re in-love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Whether their eyes glaze over when they see you, or you’re “just a friend”, it sucks! It can do serious damage to self esteem. You find yourself wishing, trying, & thinking (maybe even obsessively.) “It’s ok, I won’t tell” & you can very well reach a point of despair.

What I’ve noticed would happen in a situation like this, is sometimes you may find yourself trying to alter yourself to the person’s pleasing. Or worse - what you THINK that person likes. Sometimes desperation makes you do things that you wouldn’t do otherwise. You start growing feeling of hurt, anger, betrayal. You feel rejected & less than. Your self-esteem is taking a hit from the feeling of rejection.

“You might feel like a loser & begin to wonder how you can turn yourself into the person that this person will love!”

You go over your exchanges over & over in your mind. Where did it go wrong or fail to go right? What should you have done that you didn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have? You feel as if there is something really wrong with you. It’s frustrating if they are with a new person who doesn’t come close to being what you are. And you believe that there’s no way in heaven & earth that they will ever love them as unconditionally as you do. This new person is just not right. They’re not their type. It is not what they want & you are. Your mind may race with ideas…

I’ll be quieter, thinner, happier. I won’t complain so much. I won’t rock the boat. I’ll like the insufferable family & friends that I couldn’t stand. I’ll go back to school. I’ll be successful. I’ll wear different clothes. I’ll buy a new car. I’ll change my job. I’ll clean more. I’ll clean less. I’ll cook gourmet meals. I’ll listen when spoken to. I’ll go to bed earlier. I’ll go to bed later. I’ll go to church. I’ll stop going to church. I’ll pray. I’ll bargain with God. I’ll help the poor. I’ll devote myself to the eradication of world hunger. I’ll give my next paycheck to the church. I’ll join the Peace Corps. I’ll do anything, ANYTHING, if only You make this person love me back. I’ll be everything you want me to be or everything this person wants me to be. I’ll do it all. I’ll do anything. I’ll be more. I’ll be less. I’ll be everything & anything other than what I’m being right now. I’ll turn myself inside out to be the person he/she will love. I can do it. I will do it!

STOP!!

Stop right there! Forget about changing for someone else. Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribing whatever deity you believe in. Forget about changing your whole life just so this narrow-minded little bonehead will love you. FORGET IT!

That person’s - or anyone’s - opinion of you for that matter does not define you or your value. You are not any less smart, sexy, clever, talented, anything. Thinking in this way only aggravates the effects you feel from rejection. It’s a quick launch to a negative space that will certainly affect all aspects of your life. I’m not saying don’t be sad. But know who you are.

Every relationship is a learning experience. We learn what parts of us could use improvement. But not because this person found them unattractive or irritating but because YOU found them unattractive or irritating.

The first thing you need to do is to take it in stride. Easier said that done? Yes. Everything is easier said than done so that phrase is meaningless.

Taking it in stride means telling yourself that you are okay no matter what. Yes, there might be things that need improvement but it is a lovable, worthwhile person who is willing to look at those things & change them. And if this person does not value all that you are & all that you can be there is only one sentiment to go in that direction: THE HELL WITH THEM.

Seriously. It is time to REJECT THE REJECTER. And his or her ridiculous standards of measurement. Perhaps this person doesn’t know what he or she is losing. Perhaps this person has NO IDEA how worthwhile you are & what value you can add to their life. That is their problem, not yours. You don’t want anyone who doesn’t think you are the end-all, be-all of lovers. You just don’t want them. They are stuck in some goopy substance that does not allow them to move off their position & see how great you are. That is their problem and their loss.

You have to see that the rejecter should be rejected. Do you want someone without vision? Without appreciation of all that you are & all that you can be? No, you do not. You want someone who loves you & thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them. If this person doesn’t get that, then the hell with this person.

Stop talking to him or her. Stop trying to convince them otherwise. Stop waitng around for him or her to “get it.” The hell with anyone who doesn’t get it!

The bottom line is that you do not want someone who does not want you. That hurts and that stings. And that is not what love is all about. Don’t sit around waiting for this person to want you. Reject anyone who doesn’t want you. They are not worth it. The first prerequisite for love is to be mutual. Otherwise it’s not okay. Reject the rejecter.

“The road is hard. Love softens it.” - Stephen Levine

Requited love, mutual love, real love softens it.

And until that love comes from a romantic partner who values you & sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends & YOURSELF. You must be good to yourself as you move on from someone who does not value you enough to want an exclusive, romantic relationship with you.

Because who knows what (or who) you are missing as you roll around in the mud with this numbskull. Get on with your life & become the person you always wanted to be.

GET READY for true love, real love, lasting love. Get ready for a relationship with yourself & THEN a relationship with a loving & appreciative person who will come into your life once you learn to value YOU. And you start valuing you by rejecting the rejection & the rejecter. The hell with it.

Be good to yourself. Today & always. In a relationship or out of a relationship. Be good to you. You will find that I’ll say this often because when I’m seeking that advice, I hear it so very often & I agree with it. We are so very good at beating ourselves up for what we deem our shortcomings. How about some of that adoration for that person… for yourself. You have the right to feel good you know, as you work on breaking that cycle & refocusing yourself & your sights on something or someone else. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back hurts like hell. So for your own sake, think about implementing these things that I’ve mentioned. Easier said than done, trust me - I know. But when you’re ready to be done with the whole misery aspect of it all, it will deliver a very necessary breakthrough.

Love,
Yaya

Sources: http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress....

When the person you LOVE…

…doesn’t love you back.

It hurts… & it’s hard, but it happens!

Loving someone that doesn’t feel the same & is never going to feel the same way. Ever! It’s definitely hard. It’s a wretched, miserable existence when you’re in-love with someone who doesn’t love you back. Whether their eyes glaze over when they see you, or you’re “just a friend”, it sucks! It can do serious damage to self esteem. You find yourself wishing, trying, & thinking (maybe even obsessively.) “It’s ok, I won’t tell” & you can very well reach a point of despair.

What I’ve noticed would happen in a situation like this, is sometimes you may find yourself trying to alter yourself to the person’s pleasing. Or worse - what you THINK that person likes. Sometimes desperation makes you do things that you wouldn’t do otherwise. You start growing feeling of hurt, anger, betrayal. You feel rejected & less than. Your self-esteem is taking a hit from the feeling of rejection.

“You might feel like a loser & begin to wonder how you can turn yourself into the person that this person will love!”

You go over your exchanges over & over in your mind. Where did it go wrong or fail to go right? What should you have done that you didn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have? You feel as if there is something really wrong with you. It’s frustrating if they are with a new person who doesn’t come close to being what you are. And you believe that there’s no way in heaven & earth that they will ever love them as unconditionally as you do. This new person is just not right. They’re not their type. It is not what they want & you are. Your mind may race with ideas…

I’ll be quieter, thinner, happier. I won’t complain so much. I won’t rock the boat. I’ll like the insufferable family & friends that I couldn’t stand. I’ll go back to school. I’ll be successful. I’ll wear different clothes. I’ll buy a new car. I’ll change my job. I’ll clean more. I’ll clean less. I’ll cook gourmet meals. I’ll listen when spoken to. I’ll go to bed earlier. I’ll go to bed later. I’ll go to church. I’ll stop going to church. I’ll pray. I’ll bargain with God. I’ll help the poor. I’ll devote myself to the eradication of world hunger. I’ll give my next paycheck to the church. I’ll join the Peace Corps. I’ll do anything, ANYTHING, if only You make this person love me back. I’ll be everything you want me to be or everything this person wants me to be. I’ll do it all. I’ll do anything. I’ll be more. I’ll be less. I’ll be everything & anything other than what I’m being right now. I’ll turn myself inside out to be the person he/she will love. I can do it. I will do it!

STOP!!

Stop right there! Forget about changing for someone else. Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribing whatever deity you believe in. Forget about changing your whole life just so this narrow-minded little bonehead will love you. FORGET IT!

That person’s - or anyone’s - opinion of you for that matter does not define you or your value. You are not any less smart, sexy, clever, talented, anything. Thinking in this way only aggravates the effects you feel from rejection. It’s a quick launch to a negative space that will certainly affect all aspects of your life. I’m not saying don’t be sad. But know who you are.

Every relationship is a learning experience. We learn what parts of us could use improvement. But not because this person found them unattractive or irritating but because YOU found them unattractive or irritating.

The first thing you need to do is to take it in stride. Easier said that done? Yes. Everything is easier said than done so that phrase is meaningless.

Taking it in stride means telling yourself that you are okay no matter what. Yes, there might be things that need improvement but it is a lovable, worthwhile person who is willing to look at those things & change them. And if this person does not value all that you are & all that you can be there is only one sentiment to go in that direction: THE HELL WITH THEM.

Seriously. It is time to REJECT THE REJECTER. And his or her ridiculous standards of measurement. Perhaps this person doesn’t know what he or she is losing. Perhaps this person has NO IDEA how worthwhile you are & what value you can add to their life. That is their problem, not yours. You don’t want anyone who doesn’t think you are the end-all, be-all of lovers. You just don’t want them. They are stuck in some goopy substance that does not allow them to move off their position & see how great you are. That is their problem and their loss.

You have to see that the rejecter should be rejected. Do you want someone without vision? Without appreciation of all that you are & all that you can be? No, you do not. You want someone who loves you & thinks you are the best thing that ever happened to them. If this person doesn’t get that, then the hell with this person.

Stop talking to him or her. Stop trying to convince them otherwise. Stop waitng around for him or her to “get it.” The hell with anyone who doesn’t get it!

The bottom line is that you do not want someone who does not want you. That hurts and that stings. And that is not what love is all about. Don’t sit around waiting for this person to want you. Reject anyone who doesn’t want you. They are not worth it. The first prerequisite for love is to be mutual. Otherwise it’s not okay. Reject the rejecter.

“The road is hard. Love softens it.” - Stephen Levine

Requited love, mutual love, real love softens it.

And until that love comes from a romantic partner who values you & sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends & YOURSELF. You must be good to yourself as you move on from someone who does not value you enough to want an exclusive, romantic relationship with you.

Because who knows what (or who) you are missing as you roll around in the mud with this numbskull. Get on with your life & become the person you always wanted to be.

GET READY for true love, real love, lasting love. Get ready for a relationship with yourself & THEN a relationship with a loving & appreciative person who will come into your life once you learn to value YOU. And you start valuing you by rejecting the rejection & the rejecter. The hell with it.

Be good to yourself. Today & always. In a relationship or out of a relationship. Be good to you. You will find that I’ll say this often because when I’m seeking that advice, I hear it so very often & I agree with it. We are so very good at beating ourselves up for what we deem our shortcomings. How about some of that adoration for that person… for yourself. You have the right to feel good you know, as you work on breaking that cycle & refocusing yourself & your sights on something or someone else. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back hurts like hell. So for your own sake, think about implementing these things that I’ve mentioned. Easier said than done, trust me - I know. But when you’re ready to be done with the whole misery aspect of it all, it will deliver a very necessary breakthrough.

Credit to Susan J. Elliott, Esq.
Sources: http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress....