I remember I only get one chance at this whole life thing.
katiekins invited 2 users to read this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
eeeewww nvm nvm nvm sorry sorry!
really? well alrighty then, thanks for the heads up.
Red_Sky wrote:
really? well alrighty then, thanks for the heads up.
nvm nvm im sorry! i didnt mean it!
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sansceriph wrote:
What’s your story anon?
I lost my wife a few weeks ago and don’t know how to deal with it
I’m sorry to hear that. Did she die, or leave?
ouch that changes alot, this counts under anything else. do you live in a place that is cold or damp, trust me it has a huge effect on your mood?
i lost my mom as a kid, quite brutally actually, and although i can never say i know what you are going through precisely, i would say you need to get bloody well away from everything that reminds you of her, until you can gather yourself enough to deal with it, i suggest a beach, the caribean or south asia is good
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She was driving to our sons house and was hit buy a drunk driver
How long were you married?
sansceriph wrote:
How long were you married?
13 years
Do you have family nearby, or friends who you can spend some time with?
I don’t have any close friends and the only family I have is my son and he lives 12 hours away
yes his son sansceriph, ok this is bad, you are going to suffer PTSD, it is nothing bad but you need to seek a psychiatrist, psychlogist or psychotherapist, NOT A COUNSELOR. in six months give or take you are going to hit a real low, you need to be prepared for it, you need to gather your self
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and do not take any medication, even alcohol or aspirin
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Well to start with, coming here was a good idea. If you feel isolated during a time of grief it’s important to connect with other people, and not to bottle up your grief. It’s hard to express your grief if you don’t have anyone to talk to. And of course seeing a therapist is a good idea. Were you and your wife part of a faith community?
Everything turns out…one way or the other. You can not control what will happen…only what you DO!
sansceriph wrote:
Were you and your wife part of a faith community?
Yes and No
We went to church in the past but that was some years ago
anyone you can talk to is good, but do not rely in a devine healer to help you.
this may sound very jewish but you need to feel this pain, completely and wholey, and you maynot want to but it is necessacery, to accept.
i suggest going to a church that deals with trauma victims, you are going to need it soon
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I don’t go to one myself, so I’m not saying you’ll find the answers there. But if you can reconnect with people that would be good.
I have been dealing with it one day at a time and it seems to hunt the most when I think about the fact if this guy had not been drunk I would still have her what right did he have to take her from me and my son
Then I become really sad and think about the fact that I will never get it see her tuch her kiss her talk to her for the rest of my life
it is hard, and i know you may not like it, but you need to find strenght in that pain, i know it may sound crazy, but you need to think about her, what happened to her, what she would have wanted you to do with your life, and you need to life in honor of her name in the best was possibile.
but you need to feel that pain, you need to identify it before it consumes your. this pain is not you, and although it is a part of you, it does not have to change you in any way you do not want
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aclamai wrote:
it is hard, and i know you may not like it, but you need to find strenght in that pain, i know it may sound crazy, but you need to think about her, what happened to her, what she would have wanted you to do with your life, and you need to life in honor of her name in the best was possibile.but you need to feel that pain, you need to identify it before it consumes your. this pain is not you, and although it is a part of you, it does not have to change you in any way you do not want
Thank you for the words and even talking online seems to help
justatester, there aren’t any words that can explain a reason for what happened. There’s not a pill that really takes away sorrow. I knew a woman who had four children. Two of them were diagnosed with a muscular disease at around age 7. A third was hit by a drunk driver one week before he was to graduate high school. The fourth kid was healthy. The two who were handicapped died in their late thirties. The one hit by the drunk driver has been in a nursing home for several decades. This friend of mine, an elderly woman, is an evangelical (I am not) and she has struggled with a lifetime of hardship. Her first husband left when the kids got sick. Her second husband lasted two months. Her third lived with her for twenty years, and then he died.
There is no religious rationalization that can ever make sense for what happened. And for a very long time there may not be room in your heart to forgive the drunk driver who took your wife. But life does go on. And it will get better. Get whatever professional help you can. Try to reconnect with lost friends. Grieve fully. Learn to recognize self pity when it eventually comes. Find a way to be productive in your community, helping the homeless, the poor, orphans, widows or the elderly–find a way to find meaning. And this place here, even though it has its faults, also has a wealth of good people willing to listen, to share your hurt, and who will need your wisdom as well. Don’t give up.
sansceriph wrote:
And for a very long time there may not be room in your heart to forgive the drunk driver who took your wife.
I just wish someone would let me ask him why and let him know the pain he is putting me and my son throw
and this may sound crazy but if you can accept what the drunk did right now it will help you alot in the future, don’t feel angry at him, feel pity.
and i mention this to alot of people, and it may sound more crazy, but it helps.
if you can not forgive him, pretend you forgive him, accept that it was beyond your control, eventually you will feel sorry for what happened to him, for what he did to you.
you do not need to ask him, he could not give you an answer. forgive him, live in the way that your wife would want, know that she loved you, that is all that matters, accept this, know your pain, and let it become you, feel all the pain and confusion and loss, and then let it go as simply as a tear falls from your face.
the confusion means nothing, the hate means nothing, but forgivness and love means everything, she would want that from you, but most of all feel the pain
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aclamai wrote:
and this may sound crazy but if you can accept what the drunk did right now it will help you alot in the future, don’t feel angry at him, feel pity.and i mention this to alot of people, and it may sound more crazy, but it helps.if you can not forgive him, pretend you forgive him, accept that it was beyond your control, eventually you will feel sorry for what happened to him, for what he did to you.you do not need to ask him, he could not give you an answer. forgive him, live in the way that your wife would want, know that she loved you, that is all that matters, accept this, know your pain, and let it become you, feel all the pain and confusion and loss, and then let it go as simply as a tear falls from your face.the confusion means nothing, the hate means nothing, but forgivness and love means everything, she would want that from you, but most of all feel the pain
But it fills like there is to much pain like I am going to explode
I have been trying to get some time off from work so I can go spend some time with my son I think that would really help alot
BTW: Thanks for this link http://alcoholism.about.com/od/victim…
Justatester, I’m off to sleep. God bless you man. Talk to you later.
later and thank you for talking with me
sans-sans invited 126 users to read this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago.
Hello. Just been invited here
Bare with me I am just going to read this lot. Good night Sanscerriph
Justatester239:
I picture you sitting at your computer trying to make sense of the pain, hurting so badly in a way I can only imagine. My heart goes out to you. Even though I don’t know you, my heart is breaking for you. I live in fear of the day my husband dies. We both hide our fear by joking that the other must outlive us. I really want to die first so I’m not left behind to feel the loss and pain, and so does he. You’re living my worst nightmare, and my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank goodness you have your son, a combination of both of you, to help each other through this. We lost a son, years ago, so I can empathize somewhat with your loss.
I hope the darkness lifts soon for you, and the journey through grief isn’t too long.
Again, my heart goes out to you and your son.
justatester239 wrote:
She was driving to our sons house and was hit buy a drunk driver
justatester239 wrote:
I don’t have any close friends and the only family I have is my son and he lives 12 hours away
How old is you son and who is he living with?
he is 12 now and living with my wifes sister
why is he not living with you?
{Felicity}
Red_Sky
justatester239
aclamai
my.re
smoogie.
Chameleon
Bacon, God of Gods