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Depressed Please Help!
!
I’m married with a baby on the way. I’ve been married for almost three months and I’m four months pregnant. We didn’t get married because of the baby. We were planning on getting married before we found out I was pregnant. My husband and I have an on again off again love. I love him always but he goes through phases. I know he loves me but he can’t get past what he perceives to be my flaws. When we first got married I moved into to his house because he is in the military and it was closer to his base. This move meant I had to spend $700 extra a month in gas. He actually suggested I stay in my house until summer (I’m a teacher) but I couldn’t fathom being away that long. He agreed to pay the bills at our house and I would use my money to fix up my house to get it ready to rent out. Well, the extra $700 really hit me bad and I was unable to fix up the house. Now, he feels like he has to do everything by himself. He also feels like if he doesn’t tell me to do something it won’t get done. He feels that way because my actions led him to believe it. We didn’t move my furniture to his house for over a month. The reason I was so hesitant was because things were so tumultuous at home. For two days he will be so sweet and then he will go right back to being distant and silent. That didn’t really make me feel confident enough to move forward so the house just sat there because I didn’t want to move my stuff just to have to move it back. In any case, I finally started doing what I could to get the house ready.
Moving on to the next problem. Once school ended, I decided I would find a regular job closer to home so that I wouldn’t have to spend so much money on gas and so that I wouldn’t have to try to do lesson plans and grade papers with a new baby. The problem is, I’m having a hard time finding a job. I’ve applied to so many and the longer it takes the bigger my belly gets. People don’t really like to hire pregnant women. My sitting in the house is grounds for him to think I’m not trying. the truth is I’ve been doing the best I can. He doesn’t talk to me though. And he seems to think I have only applied to corporate jobs and not regular ones. The truth is I’ve applied to everything in our area. I’ve actually decided to go back to my teaching position as I would be able to take paid maternity leave and I would have a job to go back to. Right now, I am going broke trying to live and take care of the house with no money.
In any case, he is so withdrawn now and constantly telling me that we have nothing in common and that all we have now is a situation (the baby.) He names all of the things we don’t have in common. The same things we didn’t have in common before and the same things we don’t have in common on our “good” days. It only seems to matter to him when he is in a mood. I told him I would leave but he said that was too hasty. I just don’t get it. We had a wonderful weekend together but then we come right back to this. It’s frustrating confusing and sad. He goes in and out of this attitude. His reason for being normal sometimes is because he is sometimes able to block everything. While I admit that I could have done things differently with the house, I think he is being harder on me than necessary. And his behavior makes it so hard to keep moving. He thinks I’m behaving like a child and that I can’t handle business. That’s not true. My mom is the only one I can really talk to about this as he is my husband, but she is sick of hearing it. I suggested marital counseling but he is hesitant to go. I don’t know what to do.
PS He is going to Iraq in November (1 month before the baby is due.) I know that is stressing him some as he was always by himself when he was sent off before. In any case, HELP!
This closed post was written 2 months ago | V/U/S: 130, 6, 2 | Edit Post | Report Post
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