talk help: I need to talk to somebody about something deep, but I don’t know how to put it into words. - Help.com

hey, i’m listening :)

im here to listen as well.. no one will judge you..

Well, i dont know what to say. I don’t know how to give you the situation im in without explaining every little detail of my life, the exact situation i am in isn’t regular…

you dont have to tell everything… just tell what you want.. and if we have questions.. we will ask… so that it will help us understand a bit better..

and if you want to explain everything too…we have time, we’re here to listen :)

Well, i guess it’s ALL around a girl. she… well, i dont know, she changed me, and still does, in a way thats not normal. with a single phrase she can change every aspect of my life, but… idk. This is frustrating because i dont know how to put it.

well.. is it a change for the good? if it is.. then that is a good thing.. but… you have to remember to be who you are.. not what someone else wants you to be..

thats the whole problem. ive never been myself, i dont know who it is. I am a lie.
but the changes are for the good. and im not changing for who she wants me to be. I just change because I heard her say something.

…so what are you confused about exactly? it sounds like a good thing is coming from what she has said…

how would you say you were before you changed, and what have you changed into?

Also, do you think that you are a ‘lie’ because you’ve changed and you aren’t who you were? Because there is a difference between evolving as a person and living a lie if that’s the case.

my entire life has been a show, an act. I hide my feelings, i usually dont speak to anybody for help, this whole thing is new to me.
Before she came, well, my whole prospect on life became better. I don’t know if i would still be alive if it weren’t for her. She became the outlook of my life, i dont know, its really kinda weird.

hiding behind your smile is not a good thing. have you tried to write? writing how you feel helps you resolve how you are feeling at the moment.. it helps you understand why you feel that way..

if she is there for you.. showing you that you matter in this world.. then that is a good thing. and she sounds like a true friend. someone that you should keep in your life.. because you are able to be the true you.

ive tried writing, im not very creative though, and not very good at putting together everything.
I dont know if you could say she is there for me, alhtough she is. in some way. she doesnt show me that i matter, she shows me that she matters so much living is worth it if im near her. she makes me laugh and smile. truly. but i dont think she feels even near the same way. i am to shy to say anything like that. we have a lot of fun talking to each other, and i love more than eanything to just be next to her…

you dont have to be creative.. just write.. what ever comes to your mind.. eventually your feelings will flow and you will write…

i dont like writing though. when i reread it i get mad. and then i start gettin greally pissed off at stuff from the past that i really shouldn’t be that mad about. it starts to make me furious and i start to kind of throw a tantrum, almost… its weird.

hhhmmmmmm… well then dont re read it.. write your feelings down… and once you are done… rip it up… tear it to shreds…

and if i don’t know how? like i said, i don’t know how to show my own feelings, and dont know what im feeling. Ive ignored mine my whole life. Ive never had any one to turn to. People usually come to me for help for some reason, but I can’t help myself, and ive never been helped by anyone. so, if you could, im not trying to sound rude or anything, and i am greatly appreciative of your help, but please, can you like slow down, take it step by step, i really dont know how to do any of this. I dont know how to write my feelings.

that is what writing does… trust me.. my whole life.. i was beat .. growing up and a ten year marriage.. and i was never EVER allowed to show my feelings.. even to this day.. i have no idea how too… so i write.. although i have been writing for many years.. i know how to go about it.. but in the beginning.. i just wrote.. what ever came to my mind… eventually… your feelings will come to the pen… it helps you get out your feelings… it helps you pour your heart out.. even some tears… let it happen.. you will find that after you do this.. you will feel so much better…

and you are right.. i know how to help others.. but when it comes to myself… im an idiot… i dont know how too… and as for someone else helping me… hahahaha… it never happens.. not even by my own family…

as for taking it slow… try to ask me some questions.. and i will reply to what i know… ok?

So, how do you write? How do you begin? How does it all start? How does it flow?
I’m not very good at asking questions. I can usually answer them pretty well, but not good at asking them.

I don’t want to change who I am, I just want to KNOW who I am. But, I never thought about it that way, shaping myself to other peoples desires being my personality. That’s an interesting thought to consider…

But what comes to mind? What brings you to think if that? If it’s not too personal, or anything, do you have like, an example of what?

Anonymous wrote:
So, how do you write? How do you begin? How does it all start? How does it flow?
I’m not very good at asking questions. I can usually answer them pretty well, but not good at asking them.

grab a pen and paper… write what ever comes to mind.. i dont care if you are thinking of a dog… write about the dog… just write… doodle or draw…. eventually what ever is bothering you… will come out on paper… eventually you will find it to be quite easy… things that are bothering you… will start to flow… say you had an issue about standing in line at the store today…. just start out with what happened… then start to write about how it made you feel to stand in line.. eventually… everything emotion about that situation will start to flow out… and DONT BE AFRAID to cry… its ok to cry… it helps with the healing of how you are feeling.

Anonymous wrote:
I don’t want to change who I am, I just want to KNOW who I am. But, I never thought about it that way, shaping myself to other peoples desires being my personality. That’s an interesting thought to consider…

that is the FIRST THING that you have to learn… DO NOT CHANGE FOR ANYONE… be who you are… be who you want to be… not what someone else wants you to be…

It’s not my choice though. When she says something, it just becomes a way of life, with no conscience thought at all. As if I had always been doing it. As if nothing happened. It’s like she makes me realize something about myself I didn’t know, and not that I know, it becomes another part of me.
I do not try change for anybody. I try be myself, or at least, I do now. That’s another thing she changed about me. She made me want to be myself. She made me reach inside and try tug my true self out of hiding. I just haven’t quite yanked out all of the true me though.

I can’t remember how to cry anymore. It’s been a quite a few years, and no matter how hard I try, no matter what I think about, maybe one tear will roll down my face, then my eyes dry and nothing more.

Onions don’t affect me. And I can get really into a sad movie, I’m a very emotional person. I can feel the tears well up, but they just don’t come out.

Anonymous wrote:
I can’t remember how to cry anymore. It’s been a quite a few years, and no matter how hard I try, no matter what I think about, maybe one tear will roll down my face, then my eyes dry and nothing more.

and that sounds like me as well. if you knew my story in life… you would understand that i have cried soooooo much that even to this day.. i can be sad enough to cry.. but cant.. its almost like my tears have dried up… but… if they do produce.. then let them fall… let those tears out…

I’m very good at focusing my energy, usually. I bottle up everything and release it when I’m alone, usually at night. Pretty much silently. I have a few other ways of controlling it too, I just can’t cry. I don’t think its a tear duct problem though… I try so hard to let the tears fall, but the tears just won’t stream.

bottling up your emotions is not a good thing. i mean.. i cant really talk.. because i do it too… but im also almost 34 years old.. and have had to deal this way my whole life…

if your friend is having an effect on you.. to where you want to be yourself… to laugh and enjoy life… then be sure to keep this person close to you… because you can only learn what you dont know about yourself..

I want to keep her close. More than anything. I feel like its a need to have her in my life now. I don’t even know if I could live without her now. I have to just know she is there. But I don’t know how to keep her close. That’s what I’m so afraid of. That is the one fear I have that is greater than any other. I have very few fears, and even the one thing that I was more afraid of than anything, heights, is just a little curb I would gladly jump off rather than think about this one.

well.. you need to take things.. one day at a time… be yourself… that is all she needs to see… you being yourself..

well.. i have to get going for a bit… got to get the house cleaned.. ugh… fun fun… but i will be back in a bit…

great big hugs…

K, bye, Shie, thanks for helping.

fdsafjdakljdkl wrote:
I felt like that, I couldn’t live without someone, that I would commit suicide if they would die.Then one day… you realize that you can’t change what will happen, and everything is fate, in a way. You gave up caring, you gave up on that love, you moved on with something more realistic than love, life itself.There is no greater reason to live life than joy itself, which is obtainable through many means and even then “you create your own happiness”I gave up on crying when people die, I don’t know where they go when they die, so I don’t know whether to feel sad or happy.Sometimes I think people live in pain, and I’m happy to see them go, for hope of a better life.

I tried giving up on her, just forgetting about her, and it worked, for a time. Then, I spoke to her again and it all came back. She is really something else. and I KNOW that I couldn’t live without her, it is not just a thought.
“There is no greater reason to live life than joy itself” is just saying
“If I am next to her, I am alive.”

I don’t feel bad when normal people die anymore, it happens, I know. You have to get over it. But, like I said, she is just soooo different.

In a way. See, I have a weird mind, and I can give myself any thought or feeling I want, I can change what I see around me to form anything in my desire. Except her, for some reason, I can’t bring her, and I can’t lose her.
In the sense you may have of traveling the world, No, I guess I haven’t, but at the same time, I have. I haven’t been everywhere, but I’ve been to many places.
You may say its not the same, but like I mentioned earlier, I can’t really explain it without every detail of my life….and more…. I wish I could explain this better.

I’ve met people, I know people. I see people. If I gave you the full detail of this, you;d call me crazy and leave.
But even in the way you are talking about, I’ve met a very large variety of people, I understand the thought process of these people, I teach myself off of thoughts of other people.
See? That’s not what I was actually talking about, but you probably think I’m a lunatic now. If you didn’t already.