Thoughts of hope?
So I have been on this site for a couple of days, reading about problems, helping people out… Recieving help from others. There is something I have been thinking about these past few minutes and I want to write them out before they become just another thought that passes away into my memory.
I have a lot of problems. I’m angry at my parents for divorcing when I was 4 years old, the fights were awful and I blocked them all out of my head. I love them, but I can’t talk to them or feel good around them, I just have a smile covered grudge against them that I cant let out. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up because she loves someone else and she felt rushed into the relationship even though she wants to be with me, but then again she called me really angry and told me off on the phone and we decided to take a break. This break is odd, since we have talked a couple times, we were going for our 2 months official and she talked to me on that day saying that she still cares about me and today I was at the gym and she called me wanting to hang out and told me she cared for me again. We were going to hang out but she fell asleep and it was to late for her to go out. I’m going to a party now and I’m going to see her, I dont know what to expect, except my sweaters that shes giving back to me. I’m not the best student out there, my teachers think I have talent but I just can’t find myself to study as much. I weigh more than I should and it’s always been a problem of mine but I’m going to the gym finally thanks to my sister which I love. I don’t have many friends, there is one I can rely on for anything, but I just wish I recieved more phone calls, or I wish more people would talk to me on msn. I feel alone most of the time. I wish I could have a real smile on my face, I haven’t smiled for real in a while. I smoke cigarrets and I know I shouldn’t, but I give in to the nicotine for some reason. I don’t love myself, I try but I just can’t say I do. Maybe its because of my past, people making fun of me always, no girls wanting to be with me (except my ex, she wanted to.. and it breaks my heart to know that she doesnt now.. but ive posted about that already). I could go on with more and more things, but there is only one thing thats for sure. I’m not giving up on myself, I want to challenge life and see if I can be truly happy. I want to get out of this hole I’m in. I want to find someone that I can love with all my heart, and have them love me too.
No matter how low I fall, how desperate I may feel, how miserable I might think my life is… The next day will always come with new opportunities. So listen up life, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, bring it on.
These words I write are for no one in particular, I don’t know if I want help or support, I just wanted to write them.
Theres a feeling inside me that makes what I said look unreal, but I’m going to trust my brain on this one, and not my emotions. Next time I smile, it will be real.
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Tobee edited this post 3 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »
Weird thoughts…
So I have been on this site for a couple of days, reading about problems, helping people out… Recieving help from others. There is something I have been thinking about these past few minutes and I want to write them out before they become just another thought that passes away into my memory.
I have a lot of problems. I’m angry at my parents for divorcing when I was 4 years old, the fights were awful and I blocked them all out of my head. I love them, but I can’t talk to them or feel good around them, I just have a smile covered grudge against them that I cant let out. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up because she loves someone else and she felt rushed into the relationship even though she wants to be with me, but then again she called me really angry and told me off on the phone and we decided to take a break. This break is odd, since we have talked a couple times, we were going for our 2 months official and she talked to me on that day saying that she still cares about me and today I was at the gym and she called me wanting to hang out and told me she cared for me again. We were going to hang out but she fell asleep and it was to late for her to go out. I’m going to a party now and I’m going to see her, I dont know what to expect, except my sweaters that shes giving back to me. I’m not the best student out there, my teachers think I have talent but I just can’t find myself to study as much. I weigh more than I should and it’s always been a problem of mine but I’m going to the gym finally thanks to my sister which I love. I don’t have many friends, there is one I can rely on for anything, but I just wish I recieved more phone calls, or I wish more people would talk to me on msn. I feel alone most of the time. I wish I could have a real smile on my face, I haven’t smiled for real in a while. I smoke cigarrets and I know I shouldn’t, but I give in to the nicotine for some reason. I don’t love myself, I try but I just can’t say I do. Maybe its because of my past, people making fun of me always, no girls wanting to be with me (except my ex, she wanted to.. and it breaks my heart to know that she doesnt now.. but ive posted about that already). I could go on with more and more things, but there is only one thing thats for sure. I’m not giving up on myself, I want to challenge life and see if I can be truly happy. I want to get out of this hole I’m in. I want to find someone that I can love with all my heart, and have them love me too.
No matter how low I fall, how desperate I may feel, how miserable I might think my life is… The next day will always come with new opportunities. So listen up life, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, bring it on.
These words I write are for no one in particular, I don’t know if I want help or support, I just wanted to write them.
Theres a feeling inside me that makes what I said look unreal, but I’m going to trust my brain on this one, and not my emotions. Next time I smile, it will be real.
tangi12
Richard cor de lyon
96
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